


Camera-Shy

by Grandma_Wolf



Category: Naruto
Genre: BDSM, Camera Show AU, Crossdressing Kink, Daddy Kink, Dirty Talk, I'm desperately trying to portray Itachi as 'thirsty-as-all-hell', Let's see how this goes, M/M, Porn Industry AU, camboy au, trap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-14
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-06-02 04:49:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 44,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6551716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grandma_Wolf/pseuds/Grandma_Wolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When young Business-major Itachi Uchiha's uncle asks him to manage his business for him while he recuperates in the hospital, Itachi jumps at the opportunity. </p><p>Of course, he hadn't been expecting to be placed dead-center in the porn industry by having to oversee a group of online camera-show actors. Including one whom he was a loyal viewer and 'supporter' of. </p><p>He even had several items from Mr. 'Caribbean Blue's online store. Not that he ever needed to reach for the 1/2 scale vibrator while watching him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Business as Usual?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello dears! Now, I know you all probably know me for my other work 'Rapacious', but I just wanted to try something a bit different. 
> 
> Of course, I would be a tad remiss if I didn't mention that I was inspired to write this after playing a lot of the surprisingly fun and intriguing 'HunieCam Studio'. 
> 
> Other notes to include: this story will probably only range around 5 or so chapters and I'm trying to be as raunchy and sex-focused as possible, dears. 
> 
> Let's go.

* * *

 

 

“Oh...”

A young man by the name of Itachi Uchiha sat next to the hospital bed holding his uncle Madara's groaning form. He honestly didn't know why he was here: his parents had told the twenty-five year-old business major to stay as far away from anything pertaining to the beyond-quirk-and-oddity member of the Uchiha family. However, there was a subtle sense of familial duty simmering deep within Itachi.

He tucked a stray lock of raven hair behind his ear, silently chastising the tie holding his ponytail for not doing its job properly.

“Oh, Itachi...” Madara looked over at his nephew, “You're such a wonderful young man. Visiting your ailing uncle in his time of need --”

“Uncle, your doctors have told you time and _time_ again that you need to take care of your health.” Itachi interrupted without any semblance of empathy. Madara blinked at him, promptly groaning again,

“Oh, the pain..! The nondescript pain of--” He grunted as he tried to read the chart near his bed, “My chronic stomach ulcers. Woe~! Is me~!”

Itachi looked at the time on his phone. He had to get back to his search for a job. He was almost at the end of his schooling and he really didn't want to be on the receiving end of his parents' 'if you had tried harder, you would have at least _five_ job offers by now' speeches.

Itachi was the top of his class, it wasn't _his_ fault that the economy had tanked and tanked _hard_.

Madara smirked when he saw his nephew deep in thought. Of course he knew about how the young man was almost done with school. And, while he hadn't expected to be stranded in a sterile hellhole, this _did_ provide an excellent opportunity for him to... _alleviate_ some of the stress that was killing him.

“Itachi... My dear... sweet nephew. I know that we Uchihas hate to ask favors of one another, but I have a small request to make of you.” When Itachi quirked an eyebrow, Madara added, “Really small. Microscopic, really. You see...” He grunted out in pain as he rolled over onto his side so he could meet Itachi eye to eye. “Since I'm going to be stuck in this palace of prim and proper health for God knows how long, I need someone to watch over my... _business_ for me.” Yes, that was it. Be as vague as possible...

However, all Itachi heard in that moment was 'business'. He didn't even care what the business was, what the hours were, nothing. Well, almost nothing. “Do I get paid?”

“Oh, handsomely.”

“Alright.” Itachi nodded, “Until the doctors deem you healed, I'll look over your business for you.”

Thus, both men found themselves thinking that they had successfully duped the other: one a young man looking for income while getting job-experience, the other pushing off the responsibility of his business onto his young, overachieving nephew.

* * *

Later that night, Itachi walked into his apartment after his last class of the evening. “We're out of milk.” That was his younger brother Sasuke. At eighteen, he had just started attending the local University. The navy-haired youth was a bit undecided on his major and future career, though; something that their parents were infuriated with (mostly their father). So he, more often than note, found himself bunking at his big brother's place.

“Why didn't you go buy some, Sasuke?” Itachi asked, setting his bookbag down on the small couch. Sasuke, who was scrolling through the class catalogue on his brother's laptop, replied in a huff, “Dad keeps cutting my allowance and the economy is shit. Do the math.” Itachi removed his shoes before walking over, taking his laptop away from his brother. “You have your own perfectly good PC in your room. Which, in the grand scheme of things, is still _my_ room. Now, there's money in the freezer. Go buy us some milk and eggs.”

“You know,” Sasuke began, walking to the kitchen, “If you didn't hide random bits of money in all of these _random_ places, _maybe_ I could see being the one to handle our groceries. Anyway...” He quickly found the money Itachi had mentioned: tucked behind the ice tray in a small zip-lock baggie. “I'll be back in a bit. Don't jerk off too hard.”

“Sasuke!” Itachi sputtered out, his face crimson red. But Sasuke had already left, locking the door behind him. Of course, being alone, Itachi could only think:

_Have I been too loud lately?_

* * *

No, it couldn't be. Itachi only gave time to himself like this whenever Sasuke was out of the house. It was only when Itachi was alone that he locked himself in his room, put his phone on vibrate, got all of his... _necessities_ ready, and he had logged onto his favorite website.

Which was hidden behind two encrypted folders.

And a bitlink.

It was only _then_ that he would shed his clothes and rid himself of obligations and attitudes from the outside world and clicks that certain link that takes him to a simple webpage. Velveteen Garden. Black background, elegant but playful mauve script with all matters of _suggestive_ pictures and ads on the sides.

Itachi ignored all the pictures and ads and looked at the three prominent links in the center of the page:

 

_DeeDee's Next Show Planned for 36 Hours and 12 Minutes From Now_

_Mr. Stitch and Schnee Will Have Their Next Show 72 Hours and 1 Minute From Now_

_Caribbean Blue's Next Show Starts 00 Hours and 6 Minutes From Now_

 

That last one was the one that Itachi was looking for. He clicked on the link and preemptively clicked the 'Donate' button on the bottom of the new page when it loaded. The tribal shark print on blue background may have put some people off, but they didn't know what a treat graced the video player on this page a few days every week.

Itachi donated five dollars to start off with. Nothing too hasty. Now all he had to do was wait. He was relaxed, his supplies were prepared, he just had to wait for that video player to start streaming.

Oh. There it _was_.

The video player turned on, revealing a small gym set-up. Somewhere off screen, one could hear a door open just to slam shut soon after.

“Crap, I need to get this thing resized.” That voice, low, deep, rough... It had Itachi shivering already. He bit his lip, trying to ignore the chatbar that only started really exploding when the owner of that deliciously deep and rough voice stepped into view. Six-foot-eight and broad like a quarterback a delectable chocolate tone serving as his skin, 'Caribbean Blue' ran his fingers through messy cobalt spikes, a bit of a pout on his full lips as piercing black eyes inspected the motorcycle helmet he had just taken off.

He finally sighed, tossing the thing aside and looking towards the camera. “Hey sexies. How are you all doing tonight?”

Itachi knew that the man on screen wasn't talking specifically to him, but it was still nice to imagine that exquisite voice being rumbled into his ear after a hard day at work.

* * *

'Blue' had decided to get in a small workout. Right now he was working his chest with a seated shoulder-press: his muscles bunching and loosening with every rep. “Oh God...” Itachi bit his lip, trying to stifle the moan leaving his lips as his eyes focused on a bead of sweat traveled between those flexing pectorals and traveled down those washboard abs, coming to an abrupt end on one of those killer thighs.

Itachi was already hard against his boxers, a damp spot showing through the fabric. But he didn't want to come so early: he knew that 'Blue' would drag things out to create a more... thorough completion. (And to make as much money as possible, of course). Itachi pinched at one of the hardened nubs on his chest, trying to stave off his imminent release. The man on screen was a vertiable _god_ : powerful muscles of proud display, tribal tattoos winding up his back, down his arms, even the 'gill' tattoos under his eyes.

When 'Blue' finished up with the machine, he grabbed the tank-top he had discarded before he started his workout. He, and the chatbar blew up from this, proceeded to wipe off the worst of the sweat with the shirt, smirking afterwards. “I bet if I put this shirt on my store page, _one_ of you would be thirsty enough to buy it, huh?”

Oh, Itachi knew he would be. And the thought of jerking off with his nose buried in that fabric didn't fill him with the slightest amount of shame.

“How's this for a thought?” 'Blue' chuckled, tossing the shirt aside once more, “If I fucked one of you up against my bench here, how long do you think it would be before I had you sobbing out against it?” He punctuated the thought with a none-too-subtle stroke of the thick bulge in his shorts.

“Damn it...” Itachi whispered, having no choice but to reach into his boxers and wrapping trembling fingers around his dripping shaft. Just to get some of the edge off.

“Alright, enough of that.” On screen, 'Blue' hooked his fingers into the hem of his shorts and slowly, _slowly_ pulled them down, eventually stepping out of them and... Itachi had to shut his eyes, the view of that perfect bubble butt and a clear view of the thick, erect length that had been teased all evening. Itachi had never gotten far enough into a relationship for oral sex to be a factor, but he would _love_ the opportunity to try with someone like 'Blue'. “Shower time.”

* * *

There were cameras in the shower too, of course, but 'Blue' didn't talk much while he was cleaning himself outside of low throaty noises and grunts. He soaped that sculpted body all over, the steamy water sluicing over him afterwards. And after that...

Itachi, fully nude in his bed, finally opened the tube of lubricant from his supplies when 'Blue' started to stroke that magnificent cock, his body pleasantly heated from the steam around him.

Itachi made sure his fingers were nice and slick before spreading his legs and circling his fingers around his hole.

Watching the glorious man on the screen, Itachi wished he had someone in bed with him spreading him out in favor of shoving something hot... hard... and dripping into him.

Looking at the chatbar showed that other viewers had similar thoughts. Things like: 'I want u to wreck me', 'Cum on my face', 'Cumshot! Cumshot! Cumshot!', 'Lovin' that big black cock' sped up the small area on screen.

Itachi eased in two fingers at once, wincing a bit at the sharp burn but bearing through it and using his free hand to wipe a thumb through the precum gathering at the tip of his dick.

He had edged himself to this point, he just wanted to come right when 'Blue' did on screen. He pumped his fingers into himself, scissoring them as he sank deeper into his carnal fantasy.

He was almost there... He was so close, the hand on his dick was soaked in precum and his hair was plastered to his face with sweat. He just... needed... to see...

“Fuck!” Itachi cracked his eyes open at that whispered exclamation, watching 'Blue' shoot his hot, thick load against the shower wall.

That was it. Itachi cried out, his back arching a bit as he came: his hole tightening around his fingers and his release spraying across his chest in thin pearlescent streaks.

He had to wait for the tremors to stop so he could catch his breath, so he could recover. He wanted to stay on the page until 'Blue' cleaned up and answered questions. But the true exhaustion of the day was already starting to kick in. That, in addition to that post-orgasmic lull of slumber as well as Sasuke knocking on his door had him unfortunately closing the page.

Not before donating another fifteen bucks.

He hadn't even needed to used his vibrator tonight.

* * *

Itachi took the day off from classes (which were really just fodder at this point, his degree was in the bag) to drive down to his uncle's office building the next morning.

He had to park in a public structure since the one underneath the building in question was under construction. Nevertheless, Itachi was cautiously optimistic. This was a new opportunity to put his business management skills to work and earn some cold hard cash while doing it. He was moving up in the world. Becoming a notable member of society. Nothing was in his way... save for the young lady with the long blonde ponytail standing in front of the office building.

She was dressed in a combination of brilliant frills with thigh-high boots and a parasol to match. Oh boy. “Um, excuse me? Miss?” Itachi addressed the girl. He hadn't been expecting the playful smile, the expression carrying over to the lone visible eye that looked him up and down.

“Hm... You said 'Miss'?” The blonde asked, her voice light and airy as she leaned against Itachi's shoulder, “Am I a _pretty_ 'miss'?”

Itachi gulped, trying not to meet this stranger's eyes. “Y-yes, you're very pretty.”

“Aw, yay!” The blonde cheered, her voice promptly deepening and her lips curving up into a smirk, “Good to know that I've still got it. Not that I had any doubt! I _am_ one of the best Traps in the camshow industry!”

Wait... _Traps_?

“Come on!” The blonde grabbed Itachi's arm, pulling him towards the building. “You have to be here for an audition, right?”

“Wait, hold on!” Itachi held his ground, “Audition for what? Actually, do you...” He looked the blonde... _guy_ (yeah, he finally remembered what 'Trap' referred to in some circles) up and down, “ _Work_ here?”

The blonde nodded. “Of course, and with you being here, I guess you're trying to get a job here too. You're kind of hot although, with some pigtails and a nice makeup job, you could look _really_ cute! Anyway, I'm sure that Madara will have some place for you here.”

Oh God... Oh... _God_ , what was going on?

“Madara...” Itachi began, “Is my Uncle...”

The blonde blinked at Itachi. Then he smiled, “Oh. Oh, wow! Yeah, I kind of see the resemblance now! But, hm... I guess that means that you really don't know what this building is for, huh? Well, come on in!” Itachi followed the blonde in through the front doors and he had to stop not too far in. The first floor was simple enough: reception desk, a few doors that led to miscellaneous meeting and storage rooms.

But it was the swirling lamp on the wall behind the receptionist desk... The way it shared the same shape as the logo... from the website that Itachi had spent far too many nights and money on. “Welcome to Velveteen Garden!” The blonde announced, “Actually, since you're here and Madara isn't... Hm... I wish Hidan and Kakuzu were done with their show, I could just ask them. Hey, do you have the time?”

“It's a minute past Noon.” Itachi faintly offered, still not wanting to believe what this could have meant. His Uncle ran a camboy operation?

“Oh, they should be out any minute then!” The blonde clapped his hands, waiting for the elevator to chime. Sure enough, it did: the doors opening to reveal two men. The older looked like he was recovering from a terrible car accident with the stitch-marks reaching from ear to ear from his mouth. But, upon closer inspection, they were really just tattoos that went with the wire piercings in his left ear. Deep emerald eyes looked at his phone, his suit clean and pressed in sharp contrast with his tattoos, piercings, and long, roughly cut hair.

It was a noticeable contrast to his partner: the shorter man was trying to comb back his short white hair, magenta eyes looking up at the man in the suit. “How much money did we make, fuckface?” He was dressed in ripped jeans and a leather jacket without a shirt, the pale skin of his chest visible and showing some prominent bruising.

“Kakuzu!” The blonde called over to the two, “Hidan! Glad that you're here, you can clear something up for me!”

Kakuzu and Hidan walked over, the prior about to open his mouth when the latter piped up, “Who's the bloody diva standing next to ya, Blondie?”

Before Itachi could pipe up, the blonde stated, “He's Madara's nephew! But I'm trying to wonder why he would be here.”

“Because Madara is an idiot who never watches over his health.” Kakuzu explained in a voice that was so deep it vibrated through Itachi's core, “Let me guess, he's sent you to watch over his affairs for a bit.”

Itachi nodded. The air of the man in front of him left no room for disobedience. “Wait a moment.” Itachi had to make sure of something. He pointed to Kakuzu. “Mr. Stitch.”

“In the flesh.” Kakuzu nodded.

Itachi pointed to Hidan. “Schnee.”

“If there was a bloody English word for 'snow' that didn't sound fucking obvious,” Hidan scoffed, “I would never have saddled myself with a shitty German one.”

Next he pointed to the blonde. “... DeeDee?”

“You can call me Deidara, really.” The blonde insisted.

This was really happening. Itachi needed to sit down, needed to get a glass of water and just splash it over his face to try and erase this... whatever this all was! But, wait... If this was where Mr. Stitch, Schnee, and DeeDee worked... That could only mean that this was also where _he_ was?

“Oh no.” Itachi started pacing, a bad habit of his that he was trying to break. He only did this when he was trying to work his mind around a problem or a new bit of information, and he always voiced his thoughts.

Whether he meant to or not.

“Uncle Madara's business is a camboy operation. Okay. Okay, fine. Well, it's not _really_ fine, but beggars can't be choosers, right? Right.”

Hidan watched this transpire for a moment before whispering to Deidara, “What the fuck's he doing, then?”

Deidara shrugged, “Thinking, I guess?”

Itachi continued, “Well, I guess being surrounded by attractive people is nice? And I'll make money while getting business experience for my resume? But doesn't this mean I'm technically working in _porn_? Oh God, what if my parents find out?!”

Pacing and muttering, trapped in his own thoughts of worst-case scenarios and looking on the positive side. Itachi was so deep in the storm that his mind was washed up in, he didn't hear the elevator chime out again.

Nor did he hear a certain deliciously deep voice whoop out, “Guess who earned enough money last night to buy a new helmet!!”

No, Itachi didn't notice anything until he bumped into a living solid wall. The impact pushed him onto the ground with a loud thud.

“Damn it,” Itachi grit out, struggling to his feet, “I'm sorry about that. I get so lost in my thoughts sometimes, I --”

The feeling of one's brain short-circuiting, dying, rebooting, and then seeing information in a new light was a beautiful one.

For instance, when Itachi Uchiha, age 25, saw the object of his sexual fantasies, the same one he had been masturbating to via camshows multiple times a week, looming over him with a sheepish grin, his mind overloaded from the information. Then he just sat there: quiet, unassuming.

His gaze lowered to the sizable bulge in the front of 'Blue's' black leather pants, his tongue discretely running over his lips. Finally, in the slow daze of all of the information being digested anew, Itachi sat up on his knees and looked up at the living god in front of him.

“Hey, sorry about that.” 'Blue' offered Itachi a hand to help him up, “Don't believe I'ev had the... _pleasure_ of meeting you. The name's Kisame.”

Kisame...

God, Itachi wanted to scream that name while being split open on the magnificent cock hidden in those pants. He wanted to struggle to moan it while gagging on a thick load of spunk.

“Hello...” He replied in breathy whispers, his eyes still on Kisame's crotch, “I-I'm Itachi Uchiha... Your new manager...”

 

 


	2. Film Me Like One of Your French Girls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Kisame was so easy on the eyes. And, oh God, that happy-trail... Itachi wanted to bury his nose in the coarse hairs at Kisame's crotch, inhaling the musky scent and the promise of strength and virility. He wanted to kiss down those perfect muscles, such a stark contrast to his own svelte physique.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this story gained interest, ha ha. No, but, really; I'm glad to see that people like it. So, here I am with an update! Also, update tags and characters involved because... reasons! 
> 
> Now, let's see how Itachi's handling things, shall we?

 

 

* * *

 

“Okay.” Itachi paced to the front of the small cafeteria. He looked at the others in the space. The sight of them caused him to groan and begin pacing again.

He stopped again, looked at the others... again. And began pacing. Again.

“You're gonna wear a hole in the fucking floor!” Hidan finally commented, Itachi stopping mid-step.

“Okay.” He nodded, “Okay. I will admit, I was... a bit shocked to find out that my uncle's business is...”

'Don't look at the object of your fantasies, Itachi...'

“Of... _this_ nature. But I'm good now. Right... So, I will--” Itachi looked to the end of the table everyone was sitting at and saw a new face. The man sitting there had short red hair hidden underneath a black beanie. Faded jeans, a scorpion-printed hoodie, and bags under deep brown eyes filled the image. That and the fact that said man was currently gorging himself on sweets and coffee.

Itachi could only groan, “Who are _you_?” Not really in the mindset to entertain anymore surprises. DeeDee, er, Deidara bounced over and wrapped his arms around the redhead's neck.

“This big grumpy-frumpy is Sasori~!” Sasori took the affection in stride, finally nudging Deidara away so he could stand up. Itachi noticed something _off_ with his gait and, looking closer, he could see that one of Sasori's legs didn't fill out his jeans like it should.

Huh.

Sasori downed the rest of his cup of coffee, “I handle all of the camera-work for Velveteen Garden.” His perfect teeth sunk into a sticky bear-claw that made even a sweet-lover like Itachi cringe, “Camshows, photoshoots, promotional ads... I'm the one making the magic happen.”

Oh, the mention of camshows had Itachi stiffening up again. “O-okay.” This was really happening... He shut his eyes, wishing, praying that this whole thing was a post-orgasm nightmare.

Opening his eyes, he saw that it wasn't. But, at that moment, he realized that he needed to man-up! … Well, relatively speaking. With both Kisame and Kakuzu in the room, Itachi felt his own concept of 'manhood' bending over and presenting itself for mightier testimonials to testosterone.

… You know, looking at Kisame was such a nice activity, Itachi's mind decided. He wondered if the man's hair was naturally that wild or if mousse or hair gel played any factors. How would it feel to dig his fingers into it while those full lips sucked around his...

Itachi clapped his hands together, drawing all the attention in the room back to himself. “Alright, let's get... better acquainted then.”

Sasori piped up, “Pretty Paper Boys 3.”

“Erm...” Itachi rubbed at one of his temples, “ _What_?”

Sasori went on, “That's one of the opening lines of dialogue in Pretty Paper Boys 3. I remember that scene because they opened with a _cutaway_ when I insisted that it would look better with a _cut-in_. Anyway, Mr. Carriedo is a Spanish businessman who has just moved into town and, when the local paper-boy comes to drop off the paper, he insists on inviting him in with that exact line.”

Now, Itachi wasn't sure if he wanted to look up the video that Sasori was talking about later or if he wanted to block out all memories and mentions of this day once he left.

Who was he kidding? He knew _exactly_ what he was going to end up doing.

“Deidara, what about you? Where did you work before ending up... here?” Itachi had barely finished his sentence before Deidara burst into laughter.

“Oh, no. No, no! I've never worked a day in my life! I mean, who would need to when you look like _this_?” He batted those angelic eyelashes to punctuate his words. He swung his feet in the air, “I'm an art major, though. Managed to fund my education thanks to an old man with a thing for pretty blondes.”

Oh, great. Just what Itachi needed: a sugar-baby.

He turned towards Hidan, his question silent. Hidan shrugged, “Not much else than what's on the tin, black cat. I dropped out of my first year of Uni after I punched a professor's lights out for trying to argue religion with me. Fucking prick. Anyway, I worked a few odds and ends until meeting tall, dark and gruesome here. He used to be a banker.”

Kakuzu didn't appreciate that, if the frown on his face was any indication. “'Tall, dark, and gruesome' is about to break your pretty little neck if you don't stop.” Itachi didn't bother asking Kakuzu (mostly because he didn't want to be on the stern-looking man's bad side). Thus, his attentions were, once more, returned to his living wet dream.

Itachi decided that he needed to just up and bite the bullet. “Kisame, what did _you_ used to do before this job?” Kisame grinned, those perfect white teeth visible and doing all sorts of things to Itachi's raunchier thoughts.

'I wonder if he likes biting while fucking... The hickies he could leave: on my neck, on my thighs... I bet those teeth wouldn't even feel that bad on my dick...'

Finally, Kisame spoke up, “I used to be an exotic dancer.”

Itachi braced himself against the table, desperate to regain his footing. His pulse was rushing, his breathing growing short. This god among men used to be a _stripper_?! He could only imagine being one of the lonely, horny housewives who got to see Kisame on stage during those days.

“S-so... What would my uncle do on a typical day?” Itachi felt like he was a sailor in a stormy sea: desperately trying to steer his sinking ship into a stable harbor.

* * *

Thankfully Sasori lead him to the main office, Itachi finally managing to clear his head long enough to remember why he was here. The office was simple enough: cherrywood desk, large leather office chair, a moderate computer set-up, a few bookshelves...

Itachi stepped forward, sitting down in the chair and booting up the computer. Okay, this was fine. Nothing too out of place.

“So...” Sasori reached into the first drawer of the desk, pulling out a lanyard of five or so flash-drives. “These have the vast majority of all the archives of camshows that Velveteen Garden has hosted.” Before Itachi could sputter out a question, Sasori had moved on to the next drawer to pull out a box of tissues and a bottle of lotion. “Alright, have fun. We'll be in Room 69 doing this week's photo-shoot.”

“Wait!” Itachi snapped out, his face crimson, “Sasori, what are you getting at?!” But Sasori had already shut the door behind him.

Thus Itachi found himself alone. With more than a few megabytes worth of porn. A good third of it involving Kisame in one way or another.

Itachi sat down, making sure that the volume of the computer speakers wasn't too high before he looked at the lanyard. “They aren't marked...” He groaned, observing the lack of identifying features between them. Well, he was going to have to get used to what other 'features' Velveteen Garden offered, so he would just have to watch a little bit of everything.

…

Somehow that thought didn't appall him like it should have. Actually, speaking of appalling, he brought his cellphone out from his pocket and dialed up his uncle.

* * *

Madara was busy tapping away at his phone, hurling birds into terribly constructed forts on-screen, when the screen blanked out in favor of the in-coming phone call. “Oh, come _on_!” He pouted, “I had the perfect angle, too!”

He read his nephew's name when it scrolled across the screen, beaming as he answered, “Hello~?”

Madara was quick to hold the phone away from his ears as Itachi yelled at him. He knew it was coming, he was just surprised that Itachi had lasted this long.

“So I see that you met the guys? Nice bunch, huh?”

“YOU RUN A PORN COMPANY!!”

Madara scoffed at that. “Itachi, watch your tongue! I would _never_ stoop to the level of mere _porn studios_.”

“You can _not_ expect me to be okay with this!” Itachi groaned, “Uncle Madara, you need to get out of the hospital so you can deal with this!”

Madara rolled his eyes, laying back down in bed. Truth be told, he _was_ starting to get a little stir-crazy. But he couldn't do anything to change the current situation for another few days at _least_. Besides, Itachi was out of his mind if he thought he could escape this so easily. “You know, for someone who's so put off by my work, you've managed to sink a lot of money into it, Itachi.”

* * *

On his end, Itachi's phone slipped from his hand: his eyes wide and his mouth agape in his horrified reaction to his uncle's words. Still, Madara's voice floated up from the phone. “I never would have pegged you as having Jungle Fever, Itachi. But, then again, with a specimen like Kisame I can't blame you. I wonder how you reacted to seeing him in person... Probably wanted nothing more than to hump his leg into oblivion like that damn chihuahua Grandma used to have.”

“Stop!” Itachi grabbed the phone, “Okay! Okay, I'll do it. I already promised, so I'll--”

* * *

“Great~!” Madara cut him off, “Now, I know you'll put that business degree to good use, Itachi. Call me with good news tomorrow. Bye~!” Madara hung up, going back to his game. It would be a while until he could bribe one of the nurses to bring in a TV anyway.

* * *

Itachi held the phone to his ear until the screen locked itself. Collapsing back into the office chair, Itachi regarded the lanyard of flash-drives again. “... Oh, to hell with it.” He took one and inserted it into the appropriate port. A folder opened up on screen, full of video files only marked by number. “Damn it, Madara...” Itachi rubbed at his temples, taking slow gentle breaths to keep himself from losing it.

He eventually clicked on a file labeled '64' and waited. The video player opened with an empty chatlog next to it but Itachi could already tell that this wasn't one of Kisame's videos.

Everything was far too... pink.

The frilly comforters on the bed, the wallpaper, the chandelier, the stuffed animals all around. God, it almost had Itachi _gagging_.

“Hi-Hi!” Deidara popped into view, excitedly waving his hands. His long blonde hair was up in pigtails and his outfit of the day had been something that would look right at home on a Japanese pop idol: pink frills separated by black lace for the skirt, a fitted corset serving as the top with a big black ribbon tied around his waist. “DeeDee's here~!” The blonde immediately put on a demure act, batting those seductive eyelashes towards the camera. “Did... Daddy miss me?”

The chatlog had exploded then:

'Yes! Yes, my perfect sweetheart@!'

'Daddy'll buy you whatever you want, DeeDee, just keep on being a good girl!'

'Daddy's got a nice treat here for you, Dee~~'

'You're such a pretty girl, DeeDee'

Deidara glanced off to the side, quickly skimming through the comments before giggling, “Aw... I'm so glad. I'll _always_ be a good girl for _you_ , Daddy.”

People... People actually _paid_ for this? That was Itachi's sole thought as he watched. Well, yes, Deidara did pull off a girlish persona well, did people really get off on it?

Well, Itachi decided that he could at least take notes on this. … For the sake of helping the business, of course!

Deidara, well 'DeeDee' on-screen, proceeded to jump into bed: the ruffles of his skirt flying up and giving a brief shot of the pearl-pink panties he was wearing underneath. “Daddy's been so _nice_ to me. Sending me all sorts of gifts!” He stopped bouncing for a second, rolling over onto his stomach and crawling towards the multitude of stuffed animals.

The camera cut to a better view of Deidara grabbing the large black bear on the bed. “Like this really nice teddy bear. His fur is so soft... I just want to take him to bed,” He wrapped his arms and legs around the large toy: gently rocking his hips against it, a damp spot beginning to show through his panties. “He'd probably keep me nice and warm, hm Daddy?”

A comment flew across the chat log, almost ignored by everyone but Deidara caught it. “Of _course_ I love it, Daddy! Don't be silly! I like all of my gifts~! Just like... Mr. Bun-Bun...”

Itachi watched Deidara flounce around his room, occaisionally giving teasing shots of his panties or giving hungry glances at the camera. He was about to exit out when the blonde on screen walked over to his dresser and rummage around for a bit. “Guess what I got~?” He announced before pulling out a large, thick spiral lollipop. The rainbow of hues twisted around each ridge, Deidara grinning as he slowly undid the wrapper.

“I bought this the other day with some of the allowance you gave me, Daddy. I hope you don't mind~” Deidara kissed the tip of the sweet before wrapping his lips around it; sinking down and back up a few times until he withdrew, his lips sticky with sugar and saliva.

“Oh God...” Itachi covered his eyes, “Please tell me he's not going to...”

* * *

The chatbar was spitting out message after message as the camera switched from shots of Deidara's flushing face to his reddened hole as it swallowed around the sugary treat; stretched tight and slick with saliva and sugar. “Ahn~ Da-Daddy~!” Deidara moaned out, flipping onto his hands and knees to give the camera a better view of his ass, a clear sticky strand drooling from the tip of his cock onto the pink bedspread. “I want it harder~! Daddy, give it to me harder!!”

'Daddy kink... Cross-dressing...' Itachi wrote down, his face flushing from both Deidara's growing moans and cries, as well as the lewd comments.

'That's a good girl, DeeDee.. Fuck your hole nice and open for Daddy.'

'Take it, take Daddy's cock'

'Your pretty cunny is taking Daddy so deep. Good girl!!!'

“Th-thank you Daddy~!” Deidara moaned out, his words becoming slurred as he hurtled closer to his orgasm. He was a sweating, panting mess; drooling from both ends until he finally shrieked out; his release milking out of him in thick pearlescent spurts.

Itachi had time to think. Did... Kisame prefer the feminine type? One to cry out in a sweet voice when being split open on that beast between his legs? Or did he just like submission no matter what form his partner took?

Itachi exited out of the video and placed the flash-drive into it's own pile, “Okay, that's enough of that.” Now, he wasn't going to deny that Deidara's performance had some... arousing elements to it, but it just wasn't his cup of tea. It was similar to going onto a hentai website and stumbling upon a particularly sizzling title with certain kinks that, while they aren't your own, still manages to get you pretty heated.

N-not that Itachi would know anything about that.

“Alright, next up.” Itachi inserted another flash-drive, hoping that it would have some of Kisame's videos. For. Reasons. But, of course, he wouldn't be so lucky. That would require karma actually having a heart.

The room that appeared on the video was done up in black with silver trim. It was set up like a business office, not too unlike the room that Itachi was in right then. Of course, Itachi's office didn't have a set of floggers, whips, and chains displayed on the widest wall. Nor did it have a leather vaulting horse covered in leather and adorned with straps meant for fastening someone down.

The camera slid down from looking at the ceiling (with steel hoops drilled into the wall, perfect for suspending someone from) until it landed on Kakuzu. His black suit and tie were perfectly pressed and he had just finished pulling on a pair of black silk gloves.

Hidan stood in front of him, arms folded; a defiant look in his eyes.

“Kneel.” Kakuzu ordered, his lips set in a firm line that left no room for negotiation.

Hidan rolled his eyes,“And if I don't?”

Itachi winced as Kakuzu struck the back of his hand across Hidan's face, the albino on screen struggling to hide his smirk from the impact.

“I don't have time to deal with a disobedient whore, _boy_.” Kakuzu grit out, walking a slow circle around Hidan. “ _Kneel_.” He ordered once more.

Hidan obeyed this time, his eyes still holding onto that ruby fire. Kakuzu waited a beat before ruthlessly tearing away the thing white shirt he had been wearing, leaving the remnants hanging from Hidan's pale chest. Itachi's eyes went wide at the sight of the piercings on Hidan's chest: two silver rings in his nipples connected with a thin shimmering chain. He... didn't have those when he met him earlier. Was that a performance-only thing? He took more notes.

“You know that I don't like punishing you.” Kakuzu offered, hooking a finger around the chain and tugging forward. Hidan failed to bite back his groan, chuckling afterwards,

“You're a shitty fucking liar, you know that?”

Kakuzu didn't respond with a slap that time. He opted to grab a fistful of Hidan's hair, dragging him over to the desk. He lifted Hidan up as if he weighed nothing and set him upon the large dark desk, making sure that he was on his stomach. He was none-too gentle in pulling Hidan's pants down and off, roughly groping the firm cheeks revealed to him.

“What to do with _this_?” He asked to no one in particular when he spread Hidan's cheeks apart, revealing a tightly furled pucker. “I suppose it comes down to...” Kakuzu looked off to the side, the chatbar archive repeating what had happened then. It appeared that Mr. Stitch and Schnee's shows worked on a different system. Two choices popped up above the chatbar:

'Use a Toy' or 'Eat Him Out Until He Cries'. Just then, numbers started growing under each: donations. Kakuzu kept this cash-based voting window open for several minutes, pinching and groping Hidan's ass and hips and giving the viewers peeks at Hidan's hole until a timer went off. “Voting closed.” Kakuzu announced, looking off to the side again. The numbers had stopped at $85 for 'Use a Toy' and $250 for 'Eat Him Out'. “Looks like the people have spoken.” He smirked, emerald eyes glaring down at Hidan with a barely hidden hunger.

Hidan yelped out, eyes widening before drifting shut as he felt a hot, experienced tongue lapping around his hole; trying to coax the muscle into loosening up.

“F-fuuck...” Hidan bit his lip when Kakuzu was able to ease his tongue inside of the sensitive rim, sealing his lips around and sucking as his tongue worked to loosen him up. He reached for his erection with a shaky hand. He just needed to ease off some of the tension...

Kakuzu pulled back, opening one of the drawers and pulling out two items: a silver-toned cock-ring and a riding crop. He twirled the finely-crafted leather between his fingers, setting it down and turning his attention to the cock-ring.

“Looks like my disobedient whore wants to move things along. What will be the safe-word of the night?” He kept Hidan waiting in thick suspense as he read through the better of the suggestions made in the chat. Finally he nodded before draping his larger frame over Hidan's back and reaching around to clasp the ring around Hidan's dripping length. “Your safe-word is 'Ivory'. Do well to remember it, would you?” As soon as the ring was secure, Kakuzu stepped away and grabbed the crop. “Let's begin.”

* * *

Well, Itachi would have a hard time meeting Kakuzu and Hidan's eyes when he spoke with them next. Hidan's ass was hosting a multitude of burning red marks from Kakuzu's strikes and the albino himself was drooling: his eyes rolling up into his skull with every impact.

“Schnee.” Kakuzu ordered, “Schnee, come back to me.”

Hidan groaned but managed to look back towards Kakuzu. “Good... You didn't even need to be tied down this time. Now then,” Kakuzu sat down in the imposing leather desk chair. He slowly undid the button and zipper of his slacks, the camera shifting to a better view of the thick shaft that was pressing against his briefs. “Schnee,” Kakuzu addressed Hidan, “Get down from the desk and tend to this. You get a 3-Count.”

Hidan groaned, struggling down to his knees. He crawled down and underneath the desk. His ass burned when he tucked his legs underneath his body, but he had a job to do.

“Mouth only.” Kakuzu directed, “4-Count.” Hidan leaned forward, nipping Kakuzu's boxers and pulling them down, Kakuzu's dick hitting him on the cheek. He lapped around the head, cleaning the precum from the slit before awaiting another direction.

“Go _on_ , Schnee.” Kakuzu insisted, Hidan growling up at him. Kakuzu reached under the desk and seized Hidan by the back of the neck and pulled him forward. “Open.” Hidan glared but followed the order, sinking down onto Kakuzu's shaft. “Good boy.” Kakuzu groaned out, holding himself still. “Now, hold me in while I answer questions.” Kakuzu turned on the laptop on his desk, announcing, “Answers start at $15.”

Kakuzu had some endurance, Itachi thought. He wondered if Kisame was so inclined. Then again, he wouldn't want to play around if Kisame approached him: if that ebony god wanted him on his knees, Itachi would be all-too-happy to comply. His mouth on that perfect cock? Yes _please_.

Kakuzu was about to answer a question about dildo-training when the video-player stopped, Skype taking priority.

Itachi fell out of his chair, panicking to get back up and straighten himself up before he answered without thinking twice.

“Maddy!” An older man, his long white hair wild and his face bright with his smile and laugh-lines. “Do I have good stuff for you, buddy! Make sure to open a slot in your payroll and... Hey, wait a minute,” The man on screen frowned, “You're not Madara. What gives, kid?” Itachi sighed before regaining his composure.

“Yes. I'm Itachi Uchiha and I'm temporarily in charge of Velveteen Garden's business affairs while my Uncle is recuperating in the hospital.”

The man on screen, Jiraiya (going by his Skype information), groaned and rubbed his hand down his face, “Damn it, I told him that he needed to go on vacation. Oh well, look kid...” Itachi was getting sick of this man calling him 'kid' already. “Your uncle and I were recently talking about a new addition to V.G.'s load-out. In fact, if you open up this file that I'm going to send over...” Itachi got a notification from the e-mail window, a new message and attachment showing up. “You'll see more about him.”

Itachi gingerly clicked on the attachments, a collage of pictures all showing a sun-kissed blonde who couldn't have been older than 18. Messy blonde hair and an intricate spiral tattoo on his flat, sculpted stomach.

“Oh, he's cute.” Itachi found himself commenting before he could stop himself. Jiraiya grinned,

“Yep. Looks like my grandson inherited some of _my_ genes. Lucky bastard.”

Itachi's face fell, “Y-your _grandson_?!”

“I _was_ going to send him over tomorrow,” Jiraiya pouted, ignoring Itachi's question, “But I'm sure that Madara wouldn't want to leave any hiring decisions in the hands of a kid like yo--”

“Mr. Jiraiya,” Itachi interrupted, resting his chin on a bridge created by his interlocking fingers. If Jiraiya was going to ignore him, Itachi did _not_ feel bad about cutting him off. “I am more than certain that my uncle would only appreciate me handling such matters.

Jiraiya smirked, “Well then. I'll send him over tomorrow. Make sure to have the contracts ready, kid.” The video-call ended, Itachi rolling his eyes and pulling out the flash-drive. He decided to make use of a nearby pen to mark the flash-drives he had dabbled in. Next came the third. Itachi wasted no time and placed it in the port, clicking the first icon he saw.

“Hey sexies.”

Oh _God_ , there it was... Itachi covered his mouth, acting as though that gesture would cover the indecent groan that left him.

Kisame had walked into the view of the camera nude save for a white jockstrap: the white pouch barely covering his generous blessing and the straps criss-crossing over that perfect ass that filled Itachi's dreams.

“What do you think?” Kisame asked, turning to the left and then making a slow motion to the right. He flexed one of his arms, the muscles constricting. “I just got off from a friendly soccer game and I decided that I needed a new one. You like?” Itachi was about to press the donate button when he remembered that this was only a recorded show. Actually, how long had he...

“Two hours?!” He realized in horror that he had been watching his employees tease and flaunt themselves in front of cameras for two straight hours. No wonder they made what they did: they were all entrancing.

But still... He did the math for the donations and realized that most of Velveteen Garden's income came from the store and the random items each performer found good enough to sell.

Oh, speaking of which... Itachi brought out his phone and opened up the page of Kisame's store and bet another three bucks on the auction for the shirt from Kisame's latest show.

Now then... Itachi had to think of a new money-making element to upgrade their income. But... He first needed to look into fixing their web-servers. Itachi's brief transaction on his phone was causing the computer's internet connection to completely shit the bed. That was _murder_ for a business: what if someone needed to check their donations during a shoot? They would end up killing their own show!

He brought his phone back out to shoot off a quick text:

_'Shisui, I'm calling in a favor.'_

_'Itachi? Well, this is kind of out of the blue, but... Okay?'_

_'Good. I need you to reroute an entire building's wi-fi set up by the end of the week. Don't worry, you'll be paid. Talk to you later with directions.'_

“Hm...” He thought for a second, “May as well have him re-do the website as well...” His cousin was in IT, he would _love_ doing this.

Or, maybe he wouldn't. Itachi didn't care. After that shitty practical joke during the family picnic several years ago, Shisui would be paying Itachi in impromptu favors for the next 20 years.

“Well...” Itachi thought for a second, “I may as well... Take this flash-drive home. For research purposes.” It didn't take too long to convince himself to pocket the flash-drive with Kisame's past shows and hurry down to the floor that held Room 69.

He needed to give the guys an update on his ideas for changes as well as see exactly what they were getting themselves into.

Or onto.

Or off on.

… Itachi decided that was a good place to stop.

* * *

 

While in the elevator, Itachi dialed up Madara to ask about what their investment expenses were. The phone rang three times before Madara picked up, “Itachi, come _on_ , you're smart enough to figure things out from here...”

Itachi rolled his eyes, “Uncle, we need to talk finances and expenses.”

* * *

 

Madara gulped. Oh, he was afraid of this. “W-well...” He tried to buy time, looking for any sort of distraction. Thankfully, the door to his room opened...

And Madara felt his heart-rate speed up to a spring flutter.

Tall, dark, handsome, with a warm smile and a confident stature that made Madara hungry to tease. His dark hair was held long, some fringes dancing in front of his face (he hadn't had time to tie it back before making his rounds).

“Oh, you're up! That's great, but I have to worry about your injuries.” The newcomer chuckled.

Madara wanted to fuck that voice.

The man cleared his throat, “Well, I'm your primary doctor: Dr. Senju. But you can call me Hashirama and --” He frowned a bit, “Mr. Uchiha, we ask that our patients abstain from working while they're recuperating.”

Madara blinked before looking to the phone in his hands. Oh. Oh, did this epitome of 'fine as summer wine' not want him on the phone? Oh. Okay.

“Itachi, everything can be charged to my account; I have my business credit card in a locked drawer in my office. Just keep notes of everything and _I've got to go_!” He hung up, tossing the phone aside and waiting for the doctor to step closer.

“So...” He grinned, “Are you here for an... _examination_?”

* * *

 

Itachi frowned at the sudden hang-up. But he had a free pass to spend what he needed for the bettering of the company, so that was one thing at least.

He walked down the hall, shaking his head when he made it to Room 69. They really couldn't have been anymore on the nose with that. He opened the door and stepped in.

The first thing his eyes landed upon was Hidan and Deidara: the prior laying on the ground with his face buried in Deidara's crotch save for those ruby eyes that looked towards the camera. Deidara was placing kisses over Hidan's thighs, the flash of Sasori's camera a pseudo-timer.

Itachi was impressed at how Deidara's frilled outfit didn't overpower Hidan's presence. Probably because of his 'punker' appearance.

“Another round, guys.” Sasori quickly changed the lens of the camera. Deidara crawled off of Hidan, the albino rolling his shoulders as he thought of the next pose they should do.

“Do we have any condensed milk?” Deidara asked, brushing out one of his pig-tails.

“Yo!” Kisame tossed over a can from the prop-table. Sasori caught it with his free hand and popped it open. He waited until he was sure that Hidan and Deidara were ready before dripping long, sticky strands of the thick cream over both parties. Deidara giggled as it dripped down to his cheeks, “Not in the hair, Sasori, I have a date tonight.”

Hidan tried hard not to shake his head and ruin the effect. Sasori pulled back and did a silent countdown with his fingers before Hidan and Deidara got to work. Hidan pulled Deidara flush against himself and forced their lips together.

Deidara pressed his hands against Hidan's chest, pulling back so that a string of milk and saliva pulled between them.

Sasori took a dozen rapid shots, walking around for a better angle. Hidan tugged Deidara's head back via his hair and licked up some of the cream that had caught on his neck, Deidara looking up at the camera with lash-covered eyes.

Itachi watched the scene, caught in the sheer debauchery in front of him. But, of course, the sights feeding into his senses had him wondering... And had his hand discretely rubbing against his crotch. He knew how thick Kisame's cum was from various camshows, but how was the texture of it?

Was it bitter? Did Kisame eat fruit before his dates so that his cum would be a bit sweeter or did he keep that duty for his partners? How much could the man release if he was _really_ into it? It would probably feel _amazing_ dripping out of hi –

“Hey there.”

Itachi jumped out of his skin, panting, “ _Fuck_ me!” When Kisame whispered into his ear.

Kisame tossed his head back in hearty laughter. “I mean, I usually wait until after dinner and drinks for that.”

Was... Was Kisame hitting on him? Was Itachi stuck in the realm of hopeful thinking? Was he even _allowed_ to fuck his employees?

The Sasori called out to Deidara and Hidan, the two sighing out in gratitude. “Time to wash this shit out of my hair...” Hidan licked at his fingers, Deidara following him towards one of the bathrooms.

“Alright,” Sasori changed lenses again, “Kisame, you're up.”

Kisame nodded, walking over to the shoot-area. He began slowly pulling his form-fitting t-shirt up and off from his chest, Sasori clicking at the camera all the while.

Itachi bit his lower lip.

He... he could watch the show for a while, couldn't he? He had done some good work, made some good plans for the company's expansion... Itachi deserved this. He...

Oh, Kisame was _so_ easy on the eyes. And, oh _God_ , that happy-trail... Itachi wanted to bury his nose in the coarse hairs at Kisame's crotch, inhaling the musky scent and the promise of strength and virility. He wanted to kiss down those perfect muscles, such a stark contrast to his own svelte physique.

Itachi would jerk off long and hard when he got home today, that was certain. He hoped that Sasuke had somewhere to go so he wouldn't be subject to his brother's moans. 

 

 _'But if we're going to make it in this industry, we need fans. You know, regulars... Desperate dudes with disposable income. We'll have to release some dirty photo-sets for free. I don't_ like _free, but we need the exposure.' -_  Kyu, HunieCam Studio

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yes; photoshoots for free photos for the sake of advertising. Mm-hm *nods*. And we all got to see a brief example of the other shows offered by Velveteen Garden. Thank you so, so much for reading! Please leave feedback and Grandma will see you all next time!


	3. Don't You... Kinkshame on Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While they talked, Itachi wandered around the store. Oh, the things that would scar his memories... Lipstick tubes that were really just portable vibrators, wooden paddles, nipple-clamps, the onaholes, the blowup dolls, the various gags. And, of course, the vibrators and dildos. Some sparkly, some multi-faceted, and some bordering on the realm of monstrous...

* * *

 

“Ugh...” Itachi opened the door to his apartment and allowed himself to slump inside, letting his bag and the briefcase he had packed with notes and drives from Velveteen Garden fall to the floor.

“We're out of macaroni.” Sasuke announced from the couch, a half-eaten bowl of cheeseburger macaroni in his lap. Itachi couldn't even be bothered to humor his brother's attitude that evening. He was far too exhausted from a day of blue balls and managing investment books. But if Shisui came tomorrow and fixed Velveteen Garden's servers, that would be one chaotic element out of his hair.

So, he walked over and reached for the bottle of pain relievers that rested on the entertainment center. He opened it up and pulled out a twenty-dollar bill which was quickly handed to Sasuke. “Go get us pasta and cheese.”

Sasuke took the money but looked up to see his brother's stressed state. “Hey... Did everything go okay at Madara's business?”

Itachi choked, his left eye twitching the smallest bit as his mind went over his day. Of course, the memories of Deidara's show and Kakuzu and Hidan's performance were stuck in his head. But the most prominent inhabitant of his mind had to have been Kisame, Kisame, Ki-sa-me.

He had watched the other man flex and stretch in front of the camera, slowly stripping down to his briefs. Itachi had been stuck between leaving then and there in favor of finding a secluded place to rub one out or falling to his knees while begging for Kisame's discarded shirt. All in all, though, he managed to get away without making a sopping wet mess of himself.

'No shows tonight...' Itachi thought, clearing his head. Things were surely going to take a dip in income, but he needed to let his employees show that he wasn't some taskmaster.

No, that would come after tomorrow.

“Things went... Fine.” Itachi replied, “I'm just really tired, Sasuke. We'll talk tomo--”

“Well, if things went fine,” Sasuke stood up, dusting himself off of any stray noodles, “Maybe you can get me a job there.”

“NO!” Itachi promptly shouted out, “Not now, not ever! Now go to the store, Sasuke!” Sasuke's face scrunched up in confusion.

“O... kay.” He shrugged and left. Was it really that shitty, he thought? Well, Itachi could have it, then. “Then again...” He hummed, “Madara would never handle anything _too_ stressful.”

* * *

 

Back in the apartment, Itachi locked himself in his bedroom and turned on his laptop. First he went to Car-- no, Kisame. It was awkward to keep calling him his stage-name when he had spent so much time in his company. He went to Kisame's online store to check on the status of that shirt. “Damn it!” Betting had closed and someone had managed to outbid him. Was... was this a sign? Maybe he needed to stop lusting after someone who was essentially his employee.

* * *

 

“ _Whoa...” Kisame had commented after his shoot, pulling his discarded pants on before walking over to Itachi._

_If Itachi's breathing had been strained before, it all but stopped now that Kisame got so close. He flinched when he felt a large warm hand on his back, running along his spine. “You have a_ lot _of tension in your back. Let's see...” He narrowed his eyes, Itachi's cheeks akin to the flames that were rolling up inside of him. “For your body type, I'd recommend Yoga. Maybe Tai Chi? Just not anything too strenuous.”_

_Kisame moved away, leaving Itachi at a loss for words. “Back at my old job,” Kisame explained, “I kept an eye on my co-workers to make sure they wouldn't sprain anything while dancing. Guess old habits die hard, yeah?”_

* * *

 

 

Oh, he had _no_ idea about old habits dying 'hard'. Itachi groaned, falling back into bed and closing his eyes as he let images of Kisame fill his mind.

… How long did it take Sasuke to get back from the store again?

* * *

 

“Wow...”

Itachi rolled his eyes as his cousin started replacing and rewiring the server-setup for Velveteen Garden. “Itachi,” Shisui shook his head, “How long do you think Madara was running on these? They're _ancient_!”

“Shisui,” Itachi removed his reading glasses to rub at the bridge of his nose, “I didn't call you to make commentary, I called you to fix this for me. Now, _can_ you?”

Shisui replied, “Yeah, yeah... Just give me a few minutes into an hour.”

As long as he finished before 4; they had shows to stream.

Itachi had resigned himself to reading over Madara's finance notes while Shisui worked. He hadn't expected the server-room door to slam open, Kisame sticking his face in with that playful grin, “Hey, Itachi? You in here?”

“K-Kisame?!” Itachi sputtered out, “You're not due in until 7:18!”

“Yeah, I know...” Kisame stepped into the cold room. His outfit of the day was a sleeveless black turtleneck and khaki pants. Even dressed like a college professor the sight of the man made Itachi weak at the knees. He could make out Kisame saying _something_ about pay-stubs and the first of the month coming soon, but he didn't click back into common thought until he heard a gasp from behind him.

“C-Caribbean Blue?!” Shisui looked up at the man with a rapt expression; you could practically see the stars in his eyes. “ _The_ Caribbean Blue?!”

Something ugly rose up in Itachi. “You... _know_ of his work?” He asked his cousin, Shisui nodding,

“I saw the sign downstairs but I didn't think that this was _the_ Velveteen Garden! Oh my God... Oh my _God_!” He quickly rummaged around his work bag until he found a pen and notebook. “Can I... _please_ have your autograph?”

Kisame grinned and, without missing a beat, said, “Sure. 15 bucks.”

“Of course!” Shisui agreed, fishing out his wallet and getting the money while Kisame scrawled out something on the notebook.

Itachi would have thought that he would have been a bit more on edge about Kisame taking money for an autograph but, really, it was Shisui moving in on someone that _Itachi_ had been yearning after that upset him.

“Here you go.” Kisame handed the notebook back and took the money while Shisui read what Kisame had written.

“'To the adorable, sexy Shisui. - Caribbean Blue'.”

“Shisui!” Itachi snapped out, “Can you please finish what I brought you here to do?”

Shisui immediately went back to what he was doing. Not before thanking Kisame again. When Shisui was busy, Itachi walked over to Kisame. “So, was there anything else I could help you with?”

Kisame thought for a second. “Mm... Nope. Just make sure to get those pay-stubs done. Kakuzu will have _all_ of our asses if they aren't right.”

“Of course, of course.” Itachi nodded, Kisame departing soon after. Oh, Itachi hated to see him go... His eyes lowered down to watch the firm ass hugged tight by those khakis... But he _loved_ to watch him leave.

* * *

 

Kisame walked into the cafeteria where he knew Kakuzu would be waiting for him. The older man was nursing an Irish Coffee that was far heavier on the 'Irish' than the coffee. Kisame grabbed a protein shake from the fridge and sat down.

“Well,” Kakuzu began, “What do you think of Madara's nephew?”

Kisame shrugged, “Eh, he's pretty business-oriented but I can tell he's actually really smart. A bit neurotic, though.”

Kakuzu set his mug on the table with more force than was needed. “Kisame. You _know_ what I mean.” Kisame looked at Kakuzu's eyes from across the table. He smirked.

“He's pretty cute. Soft in all the right areas. I can tell that there's a deviant behind those dark eyes. That and, well, he's pretty much gagging for it.”

“Kisame...” Kakuzu grit out, “What have I told you time and time again?”

Kisame leaned back in his chair, sighing, “Yeah, yeah...” He and Kakuzu recited at the same time, “'We don't fuck the management'. But, Kakuzu--”

“No. Buts.” Kakuzu reached for his breast-pocket where a box of cigarettes waited, but he remembered whose company he was in and decided against it. “Managers are just there to use you. Don't you think that sleeping with this kid will just be a one-night ordeal? I'm not dealing with a mopey meathead when you get tossed aside.” He finished off his drink. “No. Kisame. Do you hear me? No.”

Kisame sighed, “Fine.”

* * *

 

Itachi was exceptionally grateful when Shisui finally announced that he was done. He all but kicked his cousin out, not because of jealousy (honestly? Really?) but because he almost forgot about the appointment he had with Jiraiya's grandson today. Though that brought up a whole array of questions: how do you perform an interview for _this_ type of position? Do you ask for experience? Do you discuss availability and Workman Comp?

Damn it, he could really use a drink. He wandered out to the lobby, yawning a bit even though his nerves were building up.

“Hey aniki.” Sasuke called out to his brother from where he sat at the front desk.

“Oh, Sasuke.” Itachi began, on auto-pilot, “Can you go make me a milkshake or somethi – WAIT A MINUTE!” He whipped around to see Sasuke sitting and looking around as if nothing was wrong. “What are you doing here?!”

Sasuke chuckled, spinning around in the desk chair, “Well, I wanted to come and see if I could help out since it seemed like you were stressed out like crazy last night. But, I can't believe that Uncle Madara runs a _porn company_!”

“Would you keep it down?!” Itachi sputtered, though he wasn't sure why he was so panicked now. Oh, right: because he was _not_ about to let his baby brother be wrapped up in all this! “Sasuke, _please_ , go home!”

“No!” Sasuke stood up, “Come on, there has to be _something_ I can do here! Paperwork, cleaning, books, filming... You can't just brush me off.”

“Sasuke...” Itachi groaned, cutting himself off when the front doors opened. Oh God, it was him. The blonde teen from the e-mail was wearing a large tropical shirt that hung off of one shoulder, orange trunks that were decorated in a spiral pattern, and sandals. He removed his sunglasses and shook his hair, salt water droplets hitting the floor.

“Oi!” He called out, “Bodacious raven honeys! Can you tell me where to peek out the big kahuna here?”

Both Itachi and Sasuke looked at one another before Sasuke spoke up, “I'm sorry, was that even English just now?”

The blonde scoffed and rolled his eyes, “Fer sure, ya poser. No, seriously, where do I check in?” Before things escalated, Kisame had decided to check on his recording room. It was by chance he overheard the conversation and stepped in.

“How were the swells today? Been meaning to takeoff, m'self.”

The blonde practically beamed when he heard Kisame, rattling off in a series of words which Kisame replied to in similar measure. Finally he turned to Itachi and Sasuke, “This is Naruto. His grandpa apparently sent him over to start working for you.”

Itachi couldn't hide his shock. “You... understood him.”

Kisame nodded, “I used to surf when I was younger. I've wanted to go back to it but I've been way too busy to head out to the beach. Anyway, yeah: he's spent a lot of time on the West Coast so he's kind of set in this dialect.”

“I see.” Itachi began, “Well... Naruto, it's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Itachi and I'm currently in charge here.

“Whoa!” Naruto laughed, “Coulda sworn he was a sheila!”

“What the hell does that mean?” Sasuke asked Kisame, the larger man replying,

“He... thought Itachi was a girl. And...” He stepped over, holding out a hand for a shake, “I don't believe we've had the pleasure of meeting. I'm Kisame and, if I can guess from what Madara used to go on about, you must be Itachi's brother Sasuke.”

Sasuke didn't say anything but he accepted the handshake for the sake of being polite.

“Alright...” Itachi cleared his throat, “Let's go up to my office so we can talk things over. Contracts and the like.”

“Way amped, brah!” Naruto flashed up a 'Peace' sign, “Things are going to be totally boss, right?”

Itachi already felt another migraine coming on. But before they moved forward, Naruto stopped.

“Hold ten, dudes. Think there's some sand in my shirt or something...” Without any ceremony, he pulled the over-sized shirt up and over his head, revealing that toned, tattooed stomach as he shook the shirt free of any sand.

Sasuke's tongue felt heavy in his mouth, his eyes hungrily roaming over the blonde's surf-toned physique. Naruto finally put the shirt back on and smiled, “Alright, let's go sheilas.”

Sasuke leaned over to Itachi and whispered into his ear, “You need to find _something_ for me to do, Itachi, because I'm _not_ leaving until I tap that.”

* * *

 

The following day found Itachi counting up the earnings from the shows of the previous evening. Just as he had predicted, there was a significant increase in numbers when the connections were steadier. Now came the topic of extra means of making money. Well, that and the duck in the room. “Sasuke, _please_ go home!”

“Nope.” Sasuke was flipping through various binders on the bookshelf, trying to find _something_ that would give him easy access to Naruto. Finally he noticed something. “Is Sasori the only camera-person here?”

“Yes,” Itachi replied, “Why?”

Sasuke grinned, setting the binder down, “I took a cinematography class last semester and a photography class for easy credits this semester. I'm sure I can convince Sasori to show me the ropes.”

* * *

 

“No.” The redhead deadpanned, Sasuke folding his hands together and begging.

“Please!! Not only do I actually need the money but _look at him_!” He pointed towards the blonde who was busying himself with a cup of noodles.

Sasori scoffed with a shake of his head. “Look, I'm not taking you on as an assistant just so you can get laid.”

Sasuke pleaded his case again, Itachi and the others ignoring him in favor of speaking to Kakuzu, Hidan, Deidara, and, of course, Kisame.

“So, with our new servers in place,” He began, “There has been a distinct increase in earnings from Camshows, as I am certain that Kakuzu and Kisame have noticed.”

Kakuzu was looking at his bank account on his phone, humming, “I am content.”

Itachi nodded, “Right, but if we're going to keep this train rolling, we need another source of income. Naruto will be debuting this coming Saturday so I have a new page on the site being developed for him. However, I was thinking...” Itachi cleared his throat before beginning his mini-presentation, “That another viable option could be to, erm...” He tried to keep himself from flushing as he said this. “Sell... recordings... of your shows?”

“No.” The four at the table replied, almost in unison. Wait, _what_?!

“I'm sorry, _what_?” Itachi asked, Deidara folding his arms and pouting,

“If we did _that_ we'd be no better than porn actors, Itachi!”

Kisame agreed, “Yeah, that's _kind of_ the one thing that Madara promised us we'd never sink to.”

“Okay, okay.” Itachi held up his hands, “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to step on anyone's toes. But, I do have other ideas...” Itachi trailed off, everyone in the room looking at him and waiting for him to speak up. Until he started pacing again.

“Come the _fuck_ on, Fam!” Hidan shouted, Itachi stopping and turning.

“Okay, I've got it!” He felt pretty confident in this next proposal. “We could do... _special event shows_!”

Kisame leaned back in his seat, “I'm listening.”

Itachi began again, “We can do specialty-themed shows for certain holidays. Also, crossovers!” That last one got him a bit excited: he wouldn't mind seeing Kisame in leather chaps or leather straps, or wearing a studded collar. “I'm certain viewers would really like to see how you guys can work together.”

“And it could mean more profit-takeaway.” Kakuzu considered this new bout of information. Then _he_ had an idea. “Have you considered partnering up with any toy companies? Some would pay for sponsored shows if we used some of their products.”

Itachi blinked before bringing out a notebook and writing that bit of intel down. Why hadn't _he_ thought of that?! He had to write out some e-mails as soon as he got to the office.

“That means...” Sasuke grinned, Sasori groaning, “You'll need an extra camera-person~”

“Shut the hell up.” Sasori stepped away in favor of grabbing the last glazed donut from that day's box.

* * *

 

In addition to what they had discussed and agreed on, Itachi had also added blogs to the repertoire: just a more intimate touch for fans to feel a stronger connection to the actors of Velveteen Garden. They only had to update them every three days, though; anything more was up to individual interest.

As everyone dispersed, Deidara opted for pulling Itachi to the side. “Hey, what?” Itachi tried to get out but Deidara didn't stop until they were in a secluded area. “Deidara, what's the meaning of this?”

The blonde, dressed in a blue and white frilled dress, a long blue ribbon holding his ponytail back, sighed, “Look, if we're going to be doing more stuff in videos, I need to go to Killer Bee's!”

“Who?” Itachi asked, Deidara rolling his eyes and tugging Itachi to one of the lesser-used dressing rooms. Deidara locked the door behind them and began sifting through the clothes and costumes there. “You'll like him, he's great!” He pulled out a Japanese school-girl uniform and a wig of thick, dark curls. “The only thing is...”

“Is..?” Itachi gulped, backing up against the door as Deidara advanced towards him. Deidara's expression was downright evil as he explained, “Killer Bee only caters to _pretty... little... girls_.”

* * *

 

Itachi's horrified shouts were muffled by the numerous sound-proof walls in the Velveteen Garden building.

* * *

 

That afternoon two lovely young ladies walked along the bustling streets of downtown. One, a blonde with long hair up in a high ponytail, was carrying a bright blue parasol that went with her dress and shiny shoes.

The other, who struggled with every step, had smooth pale skin (even down to her legs, which were covered in sheer stockings that kept wanting to slide down) and was dressed in a black and white sailor uniform. Her thick curly hair fell to the middle of her shoulders, bouncing with every step.

Only...

“Deidara, I am going to _slaughter_ you!” Itachi grit out, Deidara pouting and pushing Itachi along.

“How many times have we gone over this? Out here, in _these_ clothes, it's _DeeDee_. And _you're_ Eiko. Don't slip it up. Though, speaking of 'slip'...” Deidara pouted, “Pull up your stockings!”

Itachi sputtered out, carefully leaning over to pull the fabric up. “Don't call them _my_ stockings!! And, damn it!” He flushed crimson as he heard two guys whispering about his ass, “Could you have chosen anything _shorter_?!” The skirt was prone to giving teasing shots of his ass whenever he wasn't watching. Deidara sighed, “Come on, you big baby! You want us to be prepared for all of the shows we're going to be doing, right?”

Itachi was almost thankful that Sasuke was back at the V.G. Building getting a crash-course in erotic cinematography by Sasori right then and there. At least he would be spared... _This_.

“Oh _shush_!” Deidara took a slow left. “We're here. Remember: keep your voice high and your body-language demure!” Deidara pushed the door in, a bell chiming out to announce their presence.

'Damn it...' Itachi frowned, following Deidara inside. He took one look at the store's interior and nearly passed out.

“Mr. Bee~!” Deidara called out, his voice betraying his DeeDee persona. There was a rustle from deep behind the counter. Then a larger, older man with darker skin and a full head of white dreadlocks and a goatee stepped out.

“Is that DeeDee?” He asked, Deidara nodding,

“Over here, Mr. Bee~!” Mr. Killer Bee walked over, easing a shelf of cock-rings over to make more room for himself.

“There's my pretty girl!” Mr. Bee whistled, “Turn around, let me get a good look at you.” Deidara obliged, Itachi groaning while Mr. Bee applauded. However, Itachi's dismay alerted Mr. Bee of his presence. “And who's this little cutie?”

Deidara stepped over, tugging Itachi along, “This is Eiko! Ei-chan! Say hello Ei-chan!” Itachi groaned again before bowing his head and speaking, in a soft, gentle voice,

“Good afternoon, s-sir.”

Itachi could never pull off a purely feminine voice, but his gentler tone could still fool some into thinking he was a more mature young woman.

“Nice...” Mr. Bee nodded, “Nice indeed. So, what can I do for you two lovely _ladies_?” Deidara grabbed a basket and stepped back over.

“I need three new vibrators, the specs don't really matter. Also... Edible panties! The _good_ kind, not the kind that taste like stale fruit roll-ups. Um...” He tapped a finger against his lips, “Of course we'll need lots of lube...”

“Flavored?” Mr. Bee offered, “Or warming?”

“Mm...” Deidara had to think. “Caribbean Blue likes the flavored kind since it makes it easier to eat people out... But I like the warming stuff. I'll just get both...”

While they talked, Itachi wandered around the store. Oh, the things that would scar his memories... Lipstick tubes that were really just portable vibrators, wooden paddles, nipple-clamps, the onaholes, the blowup dolls, the various gags. And, of course, the vibrators and dildos. Some sparkly, some multi-faceted, and some bordering on the realm of monstrous.

He was examining the anal beads when Deidara announced, “Okay, we're done! Come pay Mr. Bee so we can go home, Ei-chan!”

* * *

 

They got back to Velveteen Garden, Itachi letting out a breath he hadn't even been aware of holding. “Deidara! Don't you _ever_ try to rope me into something like that again!!”

“But the important thing is--”

“No!” Itachi hissed, “Shut _up_!” Itachi slumped over the desk in the lobby, “Fuck, I've never been so humiliated/aroused in my life!”

That was, of course, until the elevator chimed. Kisame stepped out, a bag of trash in his hand. He looked over and had to give a sharp wolf-whistle to the delectable backside he saw bent over the desk. “Hey Deidara! Who's you're friend?”

Itachi jumped up, turning around and pulling his skirt down. “Oh, Itachi!” Kisame choked out, his cheeks burning as he tried to look away. “You, uh...” He had to clear the sudden lump in his throat that tried to grow and match the lump in his pants, “You look nice. To each their own... I guess.” He had to look everywhere and anywhere besides Itachi, finally leaving the lobby with a clipped 'Be right back!'

When Kisame was gone, Deidara leaned in and grinned at Itachi like a cat who just got celebrated for eating the canary.

“Fuck...” Itachi groaned. During any other time he would have been happy to learn that he and Kisame had a thing for him in a skirt. But now? Itachi was tired and he felt dirty and... _God damn it_!

 

_'Alright, so here's the deal with fans. Each new fan you get will have a... preference. Everyone has their kink; their fetish!_

_I'm sure I don't need to explain what a fetish is to all you freaks out there, but it's important to go over it anyway.' -_ Kyu, HunieCam Studio

 

The following day called for a morning show with Deidara. Thus, the blonde (dressed in cream and gold that day) walked to the cafeteria to get some snacks, some drinks, and some cigarettes. However, when he opened the cabinet, his eyes went wide as he saw the space bare.

The entirety of the V.G. Building rang out with Deidara's screams.

Everyone (save for Sasuke and Naruto) rushed down to hear what the commotion was. “Deidara!” Itachi walked over, “What is it?!”

“WE'RE OUT OF CIGARETTES AND BOOZE!!” Deidara shouted, all flowery prose and sweet demeanors gone.

“What?!” Hidan, Sasori, and Kisame ran over, looking through the pantry, the drawers, the fridge. All bare. The four of them screamed again, Hidan gritting out,

“This isn't happening! This isn't happening!”

Itachi was desperately trying to understand the situation. Honestly, everyone was acting like the business just went under. It wasn't until Kakuzu gently pulled him aside. "Itachi, let me explain a few things..." When he was sure that he had the young man's attention, Kakuzu went on, "This job, despite how much we play and joke around... Is  _extremely_ stressful. I'll give you a bit of an example." He sighed, "Hidan gets  _really_ bad anxiety when he has to think about his past or the repurcussions of his actions."

"Don't we all?" Itachi replied, Kakuzu shaking his head, "No, in all honesty Itachi, you need to fix this. Trust me, when one of us gets too stressed out: that's it, we're done. We aren't doing  _anything_ until we ease the fuck out." 

Shit. Itachi really overstepped things this time. All his business experience and he still wasn't getting all the way through. It was like he was letting the idea of being around Kisame cloud his judgement. That's it. He would have to be firm with this. 

Firm... Like Kisame's perfectly firm ass...

God  _damn_ it! 

Itachi stepped out of the cafeteria and dialed up his Uncle. 

* * *

 

At the hospital, Madara was acting perfectly lecherous as Hashirama took his vitals that morning. "So..." He grinned up at the man, "I don't usually see doctors so muscular and toned."

Hashirama offered a shaky grin, a flush dusting his cheeks. "Well, I try to keep up with my daily workout regimine. It's the only way, besides diet, to keep a mind on your weight and health at my age." 

"Oh, hush." Madara scoffed, "A strong, handsome son of a gun like you? Tell me, what do these workouts entail?" 

Right when Hashirama opened that perfect mouth, Madara's butt starting ringing. The doctor frowned, "Mr. Uchiha, what have I told you about your phone?" 

Madara's face fell into an agitated expression. He brought his phone out and answered the call. "Itachi! What is it now?!" He waited. "Oh, of  _course_! Look, just call Tanuki Carrier Service and tell them that you want 'The Usual' and to credit it to the Velveteen Garden account. Okay? Bye~!" He tossed the phone aside. "I'm  _terribly_ sorry about that. Please..." He pat the empty space in the bed next to him, "Come sit down and let's talk about your workout. Hm?" 

* * *

 

Itachi hung up, groaning at his uncle's brevity. How the hell was he going to find the number to this Tanuki Carrier Service anyway? It was then that Sasori walked over and handed Itachi a business card. 

"I'd call them  _soon_ because Hidan and Deidara are a stone's throw away from getting into it." 

Itachi wasted no time, dialing the number and waiting. The other line clicked, a bored voice speaking, "Thank you for contacting Tanuki Carrier Service. My name's Gaara Sabaku, how can I help you?" 

"Err, yes," Itachi began, "I need The Usual delivery for Velveteen Garden?" 

The line went quiet for a minute. "Please anticipate your delivery in the next 13 minutes. Thank you for using Tanuki Carrier Service." The phone immediately clicked off, Itachi hoping to  _God_ that he wouldn't have a full-on war in the next 13 minutes.

 

_'Whoa, whoa, whoa! Looks like we're running out of cigs and drinks. You're going to want to take care of that. Some of these_ camshow _actors like to smoke and drink. I don't really get it, but we all have our vices, right? An actor who smokes or drinks won't get stressed out as easily. However, if you ever run out, they're going to get real stressed out real fast.'_ \- Kyu, HunieCam Studio

* * *

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really love the dialogue of the Hunie games, they're so much fun. Not too much smut this time (don't worry, we'll have some special-show fun next time) but moreso Itachi trying to help the business... and still lusting after Kisame. I wonder if it'll ever pay off... 
> 
> Thanks for reading and supporting the fic, dears! Remember, I'm always available at tumblr at 'grandma-wolf' on tumblr! See you all next time!
> 
> \- Grandma


	4. Upping the Stakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long mess of a chapter folks. Hell, there was even a scene that was supposed to happen with Kakuzu, Hidan, and Kisame but I had to cut it out for length reasons. 
> 
> However, I hope that you guys still like what's here! Please, read on.

* * *

 

 

“Alright.”

Itachi silently watched a young man with messy red hair and an obvious affinity for black eye-liner and terrible sleeping habits finished dropping off the last carton in Itachi's order. After that almost disastrous meltdown last week, Itachi had decided to stock up on supplies.

No more fuck-ups.

Especially not after how _miserable_ everyone had been for the rest of the evening. Even some of Deidara's viewers had commented on his frazzled state when his showtime finally rolled around.

Itachi took the invoice when Gaara handed it to him, thankful for the young man's swift and curt demeanor.

Gaara picked up his own copy of the invoice and called out the contents of the order: “Six boxes of chocolates, two boxes of frozen eclairs, a case of Triple X-brand protein shakes, four bags of Ethiopian coffee – with new filters –, three rings of shrimp cocktail, ice cream: flavors cookie dough, salted caramel, birthday cake, and chocolate peanut butter fudge.”

Gaara flipped the page, Itachi following the action, “Six pounds of ground beef, a six-pack case of condensed milk, three cases of mountain spring water. _Then_ we have twelve cartons of cigarettes and two bottles of brandy, a case of Coronas, a bottle of rum, three bottles of vodka, and sixteen cases of wine coolers.”

Itachi skimmed everything over before signing both copies of the invoice. “As always,” Gaara took his copy with a quiet nod, “Thank you for your business.”

Itachi watched Gaara leave before looking around the stocked kitchen and cafeteria. “Okay, this side of things should be dealt with for the next few weeks. Now...” He pulled out his phone to look at the schedule he had written out for himself for the week.

'Monday – Naruto's Camshow Debut. Also, look into e-mailing vendors for review-samples of products.

Tuesday – Deidara wants to do a mini-show

Wednesday – Kisame, Kakuzu, and Hidan have a crossover show

Thursday – Open??

Friday – Kisame has a show by himself'

The schedule was pretty sparse save for that. But that just meant that Itachi had more time to find other loose ends to tie up.

He just hoped that Sasuke wasn't driving Sasori crazy.

* * *

 

Sasori hadn't pulled any punches with teaching Sasuke the run-down of his various filming set-ups throughout Velveteen Garden. If the kid wanted to tag along so badly he was going to learn the way Sasori did.

“In every recording room in Velveteen Garden,” Sasori began, “I have at _least_ twenty different cameras in each room. Each one allows for optimal vantage points and angles regardless of what position an actor decides to take.” They stopped in front of a new room, Sasori opening it to reveal a space decorated like a beachside cabana.

“Of fucking course...” Sasuke scoffed as they stepped in. Sasori cuffed him upside the head,

“I did this. With a new performer, you as a cameraman are in charge of creating a scene that captures your focus in the best frame of mind. Now,” Sasori sat down on the large bed with the ocean-blue sheets and sand-tone pillows. “I want you to find every camera in this room.”

“What?!” Sasuke shook his head, “You're kidding, right? You haven't even told me how many there are in here!”

“Five minutes.” Sasori brought out his phone and started a timer. “And counting down...”

Sasuke hissed, rushing straight to work. Okay, two in the ceiling. Then one in each upward corner... There were two in the pillows, then the four in the en-suite...

Sasuke managed to count out thirty separate cameras in the room and, just as his time was running down, he walked up to Sasori and took his phone out of his hand. “Thirty-one.”

“Congrats.” Sasori took his phone back just before the timer went off. “Now, what you have to keep in mind with the cameras is that, as long as they've been maintained and their batteries are charged, all you'll have to do is stay in the recording room and have one of _these_ handy.”

Sasori handed Sasuke something that looked like a cross between a marker and a pen. “This is a Roundabout Wand. When shows are being streamed, it's our responsibility to think about what angles the audience will appreciate most. This will give you full control over which camera feed clicks into the viewing stream.”

Sasuke took the Wand and inspected the several small buttons. Okay, he didn't need Sasori to tell him that camera views were connected to digit combinations. He pressed in '2-7', the camera near the second pillow chiming out.

“Good on you,” Sasori commented. “Now, come on, I want to make sure that the stream-audio is in perfect condition before it gets too close to showtime.”

Sasuke sighed, following Sasori out of the room. He opted to close the door behind them, jogging after Sasori so as not to lose track of him. Though he couldn't stop his eyes from drifting lower.

Damn it, this was going to keep bothering him.

“So...” Sasuke began, Sasori quick to quip back,

“I was driving home from a late night editing a project for the last company I worked for. Apparently, prom was that weekend and I just so happened to make a right turn when a Hummer full of drunk high school seniors decided it _needed_ to get to Denny's as soon as possible.” Sasori reached into his pocket and pulled out a candy bar. “My car was sent into a streetlight and, with how it was twisted around the thing, the emergency responders could only get me out by...” He turned back to Sasuke. “Well, with how badly my leg was mangled in the glass and metal, what was the point of saving it, right?”

Well, that had been far more than Sasuke had expected Sasori to part with. “I, um... I'm sorry.”

“Kid,” Sasori frowned, “I've heard more than enough 'sorrys' over the years. Now, come on, we need to check the sound.”

* * *

 

The hour was then and there.

And Naruto was pacing the hall outside of his recording room like a man awaiting execution. Okay, sure he knew that he was easy on the eyes: both guys and girls hitting on him without restraint. And he wasn't at all adversed to stripping down in front of others.

But sex? Masturbation? Playing with himself? All of those were activities he only wanted to share with himself or with a special someone.

But... he needed the money. And his grandpa promised him that Madara paid well. Though Madara wasn't here now, it was his nephew and said nephew's pretentious prep of a younger brother.

Stupid pale bookworm. Totally harshing on his vibes with his piss-poor attitude. Him and his... killer smirk and that svelte physique...

Naruto's phone went off, jerking him out of his thoughts. Better or worse, the time was now.

* * *

Oh no.

Oh fuck.

God, _why?!_

“Um...” Naruto skimmed through some of the comments on laptop screen. Some of them were commenting on his looks, on how fuckable he was, how they had been anticipating his debut.

“H-hi?” Naruto was so meek, a complete 180 from his usual boisterous surfer bravado.

* * *

Sasori rubbed his temples, “No, _no_! What the hell is he _doing_?!” Deidara had spent the last week tutoring this kid in everything he needed to be a halfway decent camboy! Why the hell was he bombing _now_?!

While Sasori started trying to find a decent angle that would stop viewers from leaving the stream (while using his Moderator code to delete any negative comments), Sasuke watched; transfixed and concerned.

“You've got to be fucking kidding me.” Sasuke shook his head, not believing what he was seeing as Naruto mumbled over his words.

“What?” Sasori asked, wincing every time the viewer feed dropped. Sasuke removed his headphones and set his Roundabout wand down.

“He's fucking camera-shy.” Sasuke stated, leaving the recording room and rushing down the hall until he got to Naruto's room.

He took a breath, trying to psyche himself up for what was about to happen. Hopefully that semester of theater would kick in.

* * *

Naruto was trembling like a leaf. No, no... This was a terrible idea, why had he let his grandpa talk him into this?! He just... he just needed to convince Itachi to tear up his contract. Yeah, that was it.

“Agh, look guys...” Naruto looked towards the main camera, “This is all completely lolo. I mean, I--”

The door opened, Sasuke stepping in and regarding Naruto with an aloof air. The blonde frowned, promptly snapping out, “Oi! Raven brah! I don't need you in here harshing on my camshow!” Naruto charged over, determined to force Sasuke out of his room.

“Hmph...” Sasuke stepped forward and wordlessly picked Naruto up, hefting him over his shoulder.

"H-hey!" Naruto gasped when Sasuke picked him up, the older male effortlessly holding him on his shoulder, "Wait, where are we going..?" His face burned when they turned towards the bed.

“Shush up for a second, would you?” Sasuke grumbled out, tossing Naruto on the bed and crawling in after him. “Now then, _Foxy_...” He grumbled out, making his voice extra low with some gravel that had Naruto's stomach doing small flips. “I think that we need to get to know one another better. You can call me _Raven_.”

Naruto was about to tell Sasuke to fuck off but when he began to run teasing fingertips over his tattoo and the sensitive skin underneath, he felt himself melting like putty already.

The stuttering moan that Naruto let out was enough to turn the tides of the comment bar as well.

'That's more like it'

'Guess he needed some motivation'

'Mm, who's that pale little cutie~???'

 

* * *

 

In the recording room, Sasori blinked as he watched Sasuke coax sinful sounds and gasps out of his blonde 'roommate'.

“F-fuck~!” Naruto keened out when Sasuke nipped at his ear. “Wow, y-you really have a thing for sunbirds, don't ya? _Raven_?”

Sasuke groaned, pulling back, “Look, if we're going to do this, can you at least define what half of your vocabulary means?”

Naruto chuckled, his face dusted in rose as he gently eased Sasuke's face towards his own. Sasuke's breath caught as he was taken in by deep cerulean pools.

“It means you get hard for blondes.” Naruto whispered, pulling Sasuke down for a slick embrace of lips and tongue.

* * *

 

Huh. Sasori watched the two teens on screen make out for a sweet, long while. Hips rocked up against each other and shaky gasps were the soundtrack of the stream.

Sasori typed in the command for the donation tab to pop up in the comment bar, knowing full well that once clothing was completely removed--

“FUCK!”

Sasori tuned back in to see Naruto completely nude, Sasuke keeping himself busy with the tasty, leaking mouthful between the blonde's legs.

“Oh, look at that...” Sasori hummed, noticing the influx of donations and new viewers.

 

* * *

 

However, on the other side of town, Itachi's horrified screams echoed through his apartment complex. Because, really, how else would you react if you tuned into a camera-show to make sure that your latest employee was doing alright just to see your younger brother screwing said employee's lights out on screen?

 

* * *

 

“Delivery!”

Three mornings later, Itachi turned his chair away from the computer to watch a delivery man carry in a good-sized box. “Please sign here.” They asked, holding out an electronic invoice. Itachi skimmed over the sending address, promptly realizing where this box was coming from. He signed it off, the delivery man giving a subtle nod and departing.

Now that just left Itachi with the job of sifting through whatever sample products were in this box without collapsing into an embarrassed heap.

“Okay.” He steadied himself before opening the box. The first thing was a letter: mint-scented sheet of paper that Itachi read out loud: “'Thank you so much for your offer of sampling and reviewing some of our products on-screen. Upon notice that said products have been properly examined and reviewed on stream, you can expect an advertisement stamp for your company to be proudly emblazoned on our website. Here at Mew Mew a la Mode, we strive to bring a sweeter touch to the intimate sides of the bedroom'... Okay, that's enough of that...” Itachi filed the letter away and pulled out far-too-much bubble wrap before setting several products on his desk.

And proceeded to flush like a virgin bride after each one.

Of course, there were jelly dildos of varying lengths and shades, then the anal tail plugs (a cat and a horse one), a Fairy Wand...

“Actually...” Itachi looked around himself to make sure that no one was going to barge in before he snuck the wand into his bag. He had been meaning to buy himself one but he had always been put off by the reviews that insisted most models were too loud. This company's model boasted a quieter completion, however. Besides, he could perhaps... write an anonymous blog... About his experience with it.

Scented leather cuffs (both for the wrists and the ankles), an 'Instructional' collar (he'd save that for Kakuzu and Hidan) and, finally...

Itachi did a double-take as he inspected the label on the bottle. “Taffy-time Lubricant?”

“Hey there!” Kisame announced, barging into the office and causing Itachi to choke out a yelp and fall out of his chair. “Oh, hold on.” Kisame walked over and took one of Itachi's soft, slender hands in one of his rough, larger ones: helping the other man back to his feet. “There you go.”

Itachi looked at the close, warm contact that their hands shared. Kisame's hands... the ones that have touched all over that god-like frame...

“Um, th-thank you!” Itachi pulled back first, sitting back down and scooting his chair closer (to hide any potential erection appearances), and asked, “What brings you in today, Kisame?”

Kisame held back a smirk. God, he wished that he and Itachi had met under different circumstances. He would gladly wreck that ass on the Reg if it weren't for the other technically being his manager. “I was wondering if you were going to formally make Sasuke into part of the Velveteen team.”

“Oh God...” Itachi buried his face into his palms. He still couldn't believe that Sasuke went and did that! God, and _Itachi_ had thought it was embarrassing enough to be a manager of a camboy operation, he couldn't imagine actually being _on screen_! But... Sasuke seemed to enjoy himself. Not just having a fun time sexxing up a blonde surfer kid, but he was just... naturally photogenic.

“I'm not sure.” He sighed, “Sasuke seemed to like it, but... I'm worried about him.”

Kisame chuckled, pointing a thumb to himself, “Hey, don't you worry your pretty face about it! Everyone here at Velveteen Garden, well, we're used to watching out for one another. If your brother _does_ decide that working here is something he wants to move forward with, he'll be in good hands.”

Itachi's mind had short-circuited after hearing that deep rumbling voice call him 'pretty', so all he could do was give a soft 'Okay'.

Kisame stepped forward and inspected the items on the desk. “Oh, Mew Mew a la Mode? They're an Indie company, right?”

“R-right.” Itachi cleared his throat, looking at the products again. “I suppose each of you should attempt to sample at least one of them during your shows--”

“I call dibs on the lube!” Kisame snatched up the Taffy-time Lubricant, reading the ingredient list. “Oh, it's organic. That's pretty cool.”

Well, at least that was _one_ thing taken care off. Still... Itachi was worried about Sasuke. He'd have to talk to him tonight.

 

* * *

 

Sasuke looked at the contract for Velveteen Garden, skimming through everything and immediately signing his name. “Done.”

“Sasuke, _please_!” Itachi snatched the contract away, tossing it on the kitchen counter. “I'd really appreciate it if you thought more about this!”

“Aniki, come on.” Sasuke picked up his phone and followed Itachi to the kitchen, “I'd be getting a bigger pay check and it's better than working at some God-forsaken pizza-place! Besides...” He folded his arms, “Isn't it a little hypocritical of you to not want me to work in porn yet you yourself manage a camboy operation?”

Itachi opened his mouth but found that he couldn't say anything. Damn, his brother really had him in a deadlock.

Sasuke attempted to say something else but a chime from his phone cut him off. He unlocked it to see a text from Naruto with a picture attached to it.

'Hey Babe , had a Bitchin' time the other night. Just got home from a surf and was Jonesin' for ya pretty heavy.'

Sasuke opened the attachment to see a picture of Naruto just out of the shower: his messy hair soaked and a towel riding low on his thin hips, the outline of a growing hard-on visible underneath.

“And now, if you'll excuse me,” Sasuke dipped out of the kitchen, “I'm going to go fix the lighting in my room so I can reply to this message.”

Well, there really was no use in trying to fight this, was there? Itachi shrugged and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and decided to get to his bedroom so he could watch Kisame's latest show.

It would also be nice to see how that lube stacked up.

* * *

 

“Hey there sexies.”

Always punctual, always polite. Kisame's shows, aside from the carnal gratification, were such wonderful perks to his week. Even now, after conversing and getting to know the other man, he felt dizzy watching him pace around the room (an actual bedroom this time around, promising something special).

“I have a treat for all of you tonight.” Kisame sat down on the bed, picking up the bottle of lube. “The wonderful people at Mew Mew a la Mode have sent us some goodies to have fun with. This is a bottle of their Taffy-time Lubricant and, can I just say...” He trailed off in a chuckle, “That that name just makes me smile. You know...” Kisame turned the label towards the main camera so the viewers at home could get a better view of the labeling. “I'm a sucker for cute things.”

Itachi knew that for a fact. Kisame was one who loved to tease, he could see that. But he was a charmer, down to his blood.

“It's organic,” Kisame began again, describing the product in his hands, “So for all of you people who want to save the planet while you're getting down and dirty, here you are. But, enough about the specifics... I'm sure that you're all curious about the important things.”

Kisame flipped the cap of the bottle open, pouring a small line of the clear blue fluid onto the back of his hand and slowly, _slowly_ ran his tongue along the slick substance. He swirled his tongue over his skin once more for good measure.

“Damn you, Kisame...” Itachi panted out, wishing that he had some lube on hand (yes, all his being around Kisame had taken a toll on his own supplies and he had yet to run to the store again). That tongue was far too sinful to be human, Itachi closed his eyes; daring to imagine that tongue in his mouth, on his nipples, against his cock...

“Huh.” Kisame hummed, licking his lips as he tried to capture just exactly _what_ the flavor he was tasting was. “You know, it's weird. I get hints of berry, hints of vanilla... But not much in the way of taffy.” Kisame pulled his phone out of the torn jeans he was wearing and dialed a quick number. “Hold on a second.” He told his viewers. “Hey, yeah, it's me. Can you come on up? I need some help with something. … Yeah, see you soon.”

Kisame hung up and leaned back in bed, looking to the screen that displayed the chatbar. He skimmed through a few of them but he verbally answered a few.

'So, how did that date go?'

“Oh _God_...” Kisame sat back, scrubbing a hand over his face, “It was a fucking trainwreck. Tell me _why_ the kid acted like I had some sort of disease when I tried to lean in for a kiss? Also, _nothing_ was good enough. Riding on my bike, the sushi restaurant I made a reservation at, _nothing_!” Kisame groaned, “I can't _stand_ picky people. That's probably the fastest way to kill the mood with me.”

Itachi couldn't have just heard that, could he? Who in their right mind would be so clueless and callous enough to be such a terrible date to the Adonis on screen? Why, if Itachi had the opportunity--

“Hi-hi!” Deidara, dressed in a ballerina's garb with a pink bow in his hair, burst into the room with a flourish. “Daddy Blue, I'm here~!”

Well, that killed Itachi's hard-on quite a bit. He felt his arousal plummet and his rage spike. Granted, he knew that Kisame wasn't in a relationship with him, but it still felt _awful_ watching the other have more _sensual_ interactions with others.

… Yet he had no problem watching Kisame get himself off on camera for thousands of strangers. Jesus, Sasuke was right: he _was_ a hypocrite.

“Ooh~!” Deidara looked at the lube in Kisame's hands. “Taffy-time, huh? I'm always up for something new.”

“Good.” Kisame grinned, easing Deidara against the bed before he fell upon him: claiming sticky-sweet lips and drinking in the honeyed sounds that vibrated through his throat.

'Mm-mm! Blue and gold have never looked better!'

'Daddy Blue needs to own that ass!'

'Are we going to see some of Blue's famous rimming~???'

Kisame pulled back, reaching under Deidara's skirt and smirking, “No underwear?”

“I wanted to be nice and open for Daddy...” Deidara pouted up at Kisame, “Are you mad?”

Kisame was pretty much the opposite, sitting back and letting Deidara roll onto his stomach. Deidara positioned his hips so that the ruffles of his skirt fell away in favor of showing off the ass that had lonely old men tossing away money every week.

“So, _Dee Dee_...” Kisame cooed out, pouring some of the lube on his fingers, “Care to help me show our viewers just what this stuff can _really_ do?”

Deidara grinned back, wiggling his hips. “I'm at your mercy... _Daddy_. Mm~!” Deidara bit his bottom lip, his hips stuttering as Kisame eased two fingers inside of him: the lube causing several sorts of slick, squelching noises. “It's... It's not like the warming ones – Ah!”

“Yeah, I figured...” Kisame pouted, pulling his fingers out just enough before pushing them back in: slowly letting the motions grow from exploring to fucking the blonde open on his fingers.

And, ah, if Itachi felt incensed with Kisame flirting with Shisui, he was ready to burn down a neighborhood with how Deidara was openly enjoying himself with the object of his wet dreams and fantasies.

As much as Itachi hated himself for it, though, his hard-on had picked back up. Maybe it was Kisame's voice.

Fuck, there was no 'maybe' about it.

“It feels kind of tingly though...” Deidara panted out, whining when Kisame withdrew his fingers: the tips sagging with excess lubricant. “Daddy~!”

“Just a second, sweetheart...” Kisame replied, spreading Deidara's ass and pouring a bit more of the Taffy-time lube over the crack: the slick fluid oozing over the twitching pucker. “Now then...”

* * *

 

No... No. Itachi couldn't take this. His dick and balls twitched in anticipation. Was he... was he really going to..?

“Oh, _fuck_! Daddy, _yes_ ~!”

The chatbar was in an uproar as Kisame dug in and went to town: keeping Deidara's cheeks spread as he licked around the hole before sealing his lips over it, easing more of his tongue inside.

Deidara was going on: moaning and crying out like a world-class slut. An appreciative groan left Kisame and he fluttered his tongue a bit, Deidara gently bucking into his torture: desperate for more.

On his end, Itachi had frantically squeezed out what little remained from the bottle of lubricant under his bed. He couldn't stow himself anymore. He took his copiously leaking length in one hand as he trailed slickened fingers down his ass and around his hole. If Deidara was just a bit quieter, he could let his mind wander: he could imagine what it would be like if he was the one getting eaten out in that room.

“Kisame...” He panted out, laying back in bed and propping his feet flat against his mattress, spreading his legs and allowing for a better reach for his fingers: teasing himself open in time with Deidara's gasps and keening moans.

Kisame drew back, his lips and chin dripping with excess lube. He licked his lips, commenting, “I will say _this,_ though: it tastes a _lot_ better on someone else.”

“Hey...” Deidara pouted, rocking his hips back towards Kisame, “Don't stop~! Daddy, I'm way too close for you to stop now~!”

* * *

 

'I'd never tease you, DeeDee!'

'Blue, wreck him! Wreck him with that monster cock!'

The blonde reached underneath himself and began feverishly stroking his length: his breath catching and his hips pushing back until he cried out: his thighs shivering and his hips stuttering with every spurt of cum that streaked across the dark sheets. Kisame pulled back, wiping his face with the back of his hand. “You okay there?”

Deidara, his body still shivering from his climax, struggled to nod: a line of drool escaping his lips. Blue eyes cracked open to see the bulge that had formed in Kisame's jeans. He licked his lips, propping himself up on shaky arms.

“What are you up to, DeeDee?” Kisame said, stepping further away from the bed so the cameras could still follow what was going on.

“A-ah?” Deidara crawled to the floor, his knees still wobbly from the tormenting pleasure he had been subjected to. “Daddy... I wouldn't be a very good girl if I left you all hard and achy like this...”

Kisame chuckled, the sound deliciously low and deep as Deidara leaned forward. He took the zipper between his teeth and eased it down, puffing his cheeks a bit when he saw that his prize was still blocked off by the thin fabric of blue briefs.

“Daddy...” Deidara whined, “You're so mean!”

“Nobody likes whining, DeeDee.” Kisame gently chastised. Deidara got the hint and pulled the briefs and jeans down to Kisame's ankles.

Deidara made grabby hands for the bottle of lube, giggling as he poured some over his hand and stroked it over the impressive length and girth of Kisame's cock.

“Mm...” He whispered, finally running the tip of his tongue from the tip to the base: cradling the large heavy balls underneath in his free hand. When a drop of precum oozed out of the slit, He leaned in and lapped it up. "Mmm," Deidara moaned, instantly addicted to the taste of the lube reaction to the presence of precum. He swirled his tongue around the head, then took it into his mouth. He knew from experience that he wasn't going to be able to get the whole thing in without Kisame fucking his throat, so Deidara supplemented his mouth with his hand.

“Taste good, Dee?” Kisame rasped down, carding his fingers into golden strands of hair and making shallow thrusts forward.  
Deidara gently sucked and began slowly moving up and down the shaft. Pulling up, he would swirl his tongue around his thick mouthful. He rubbed his hand up and down in rhythm with his sucks and licks, applying pressure and twisting his hand as it slid up and down.

'That lucky piece of shit!' Itachi screamed in his mind, stroking his own hardness faster. He was absolutely salivating over the sight of those pretty pink lips stretched around the dark, thickness that Kisame was feeding into his throat with languid thrusts that increased in power as time went on. And, the worst part, Itachi just _new_ that Deidara was teasing _him_! Every glance to the main camera had that 'Jealous much' lilt about it.

Why couldn't they have met anywhere else? Itachi wasn't frumpy or bad looking, he knew that Kisame wouldn't have minded a few rolls in the hay. Instead, he had to settle for stroking himself stupid while the object of his lusts fucked another willing mouth on screen.

“Damn it!” Itachi removed his fingers from his ass and reached underneath his pillow for... There! He pulled out the ½ scale vibrator from Kisame's online store. He didn't want to stop his stroking and rubbing but he did run his tongue over the latex jelly imposter, not wanting to turn on the vibrating function. He just wanted to see if he could keep up with what was happening on screen.

The circling around the tip. Yes, he could do that.

Deep-throating wasn't too hard as long as you were calm about it.

But, oh... He didn't know how he would handle someone fucking his throat like Kisame had started to do; Deidara holding onto his thighs as those heavy balls hit his chin with every motion.

Deidara felt the telltale signs, pulling back with a thread of saliva mixed with precum winding tight between his lips and Kisame's dick. He set his fingers back onto the heavy cock in front of him, stroking it and opening his mouth to capture everything.

The sounds that Kisame made at that magic moment: the grunts, the harsh whispers, the rough obscenities... Everything peaked with Kisame sending thick shots of cum onto Deidara's face, some of it getting into his mouth and onto his chest.

Kisame shook out the last few drops, tossing his head back with heavy breaths. “Fuck... Good girl, DeeDee. Daddy's proud of you...”

“Aw...” Deidara ran a finger across the cum on his cheek, “Not in the hair, I have a date tonight...”

'Ungrateful little shi--'

Itachi couldn't finish his thoughts, his body convulsing around his release: his cum painting his stomach in thin streaks and pearls.

“Damn it.” Itachi panted, his legs sinking towards the covers. His body couldn't take much more of this...

 

* * *

 

Oh. That was interesting. If he was reading their numbers correctly, this was a week or so after Kisame and Deidara's crossover show, but he could see a...

“300 percent increase?” He couldn't believe his eyes. All that from a new marketing plan, the blogs, and reviews. Of course, the crossover shows probably helped a bit.

Wait, that was right: Kakuzu, Kisame, and Hidan were teaming up for a show tonight and they had been blogging about the set-up process.

He got closer to the desk and clicked on the tab of the Velveteen Garden website that lead to Mr. Stitch and Schnee's blog.

'Guess what we're making good use of tonight? - Mr. Schnee' Attached to the caption was a picture of a gloved hand holding the Instructional Collar.

This was going to be intense, he could just tell. He clicked over a few tabs, the Caribbean Blue blog hosting several updates. A few of them were more stories of failed dates (he really wished that Kisame would just ask _him_ out already), one was a story about his dancing days. That one Itachi actually read a bit of:

'The place I used to work for was called _Sweet Dream_. I know, the owner there wasn't too creative. But, can I just say that my old gang were some of the best people you could work with? Even with my ugly mug, with her airheadedness, his flamboyancy, and his bored expressions... We were all best friends. I... I miss them a lot. God, fucking... Sorry to get all mushy on you guys.'

“Kisame...” Itachi whispered, scrolling through the page. Did he not like working here as much as he let on? Itachi couldn't bear the thought of him being part of the reason why Kisame, that wonderful, handsome, [drop-dead-sexy-in-a-LEATHER-HARNESS](http://wac.450f.edgecastcdn.net/80450F/tsminteractive.com/files/2013/08/SearsPost.gif) – “WHAT?!”

There was a picture with the caption 'Going to visit Mr. Stitch and Schnee tonight~'. In the picture Kisame was snapping a photo of himself with his phone, wearing nothing but a full-body leather harness: several straps tight around his chest and a leather pouch did a poor job at concealing his crotch.

Itachi slowly exited out of the browser and had to contemplate his life choices for a second. Well, of course, there was no way he was going to miss out on Kisame in... _that_. But there was something else that he _knew_ he was missing out on.

What was it..?

“Oh, yes!” He needed to text Sasuke and Naruto (who were out at the beach since the latter wanted to see if Sasuke was physically incapable of attaining a tan) to remind them to update their blog.

He also needed to call his uncle to update him on the state of things.

 

* * *

 

 

“Oh Doctor~?” Madara called out, pressing the 'Call' button near his bed. He had made sure to prop himself up in his bed, pillows here and there to present every good angle that his body could provide.

When Hashirama stepped in, Madara quickly 'swooned', “Oh, _Doctor_! Thank _goodness_ you came!” He canted his hips upwards. “I... I was doing my Sudoku, like the model patient that I am, and.. I dropped my _pen_!” He pointed towards the corner of the room where the pen had rolled over to. Batting his eyelashes at the other man, he concluded, “And I'm in _far_ too much _pain_ to get up from bed to retrieve it, Doctor! _Please_ help me~?”

Of course, all of that 'Come over here and FUCK ME' body language went over Hashirama's head. “Mr. Uchiha, you really need to be more careful.” He walked right past Madara and bent over to try and reach the pen. Of course Madara was disappointed in his latest ruse being flat-out _ignored_. However, the pen was behind a bunch of meticulous wires meaning that his sexy doctor would have to spend a bit more time in getting it.

Meaning that Madara was able to fill his mind with terribly filthy fantasies about the firm ass that was almost visible underneath those slacks and that coat.

Just a bit more...

He jerked when his phone rang out, Hashirama quickly standing to his feet. “Mr. Uchiha!”

“Damn it!” Madara shouted, answering his phone under the displeased glare of his handsome doctor. “Itachi! My dear, sweet nephew!” He swapped over to French for a second, the language of love coming to him as easily as his own native Japanese. “(YOU are making my life _UNGODLY_ difficult, Itachi!)”

* * *

 

Itachi was confused at the language switch, but he continued on, “Alright... I just wanted to let you know that the viewer counts of Velveteen Garden have skyrocketed up to almost 900,000.”

* * *

 

Madara seethed out, still focused on the loss of his live-action wank-material. “I don't care about--!” He cut himself off. “9... 900,000?!” That meant that... they were almost at one million! How the hell had Itachi managed to get things to that level? It had only been a few months!!

To tell the truth... He was feeling a little emasculated right then.

“... Mr. Uchiha?”

Madara gasped, looking to his side to see Hashirama looking at him: equal parts pity and worry. Madara shook his head, “No. No, I'm fine. Really.” He sat up in bed, worrying his lip between his teeth. Okay then. If Itachi was going to act like Mr. Big Shot, then maybe he needed one more challenge. Oh, don't get Madara wrong: he was _proud_ of his nephew ( _nephews_ , he had to remind himself that Sasuke was now on filming and camboy duty), but if he _really_ wanted to be a good businessman.

His smirk was devious as he brought up two web pages on his phone: one cloaked in black and red, the other vibrantly pink and sparkly.

* * *

 

Itachi carded his fingers together, regarding the party on the other end of the Skype call. “Can you please go over what your company has to offer mind once more, Mrs...?”

“Rarity, darling.” The older woman on the other end, her purple hair curled and pinned up high, “And, rest assured, that me and my _Carousel Boutique_ have quite the high traffic flow and any monetary reimbursement would be well repai--”

“Delivery!”

Itachi looked over the computer and saw the delivery man waiting at the door. Itachi knew the next steps he would take in buy ad space, so this conversation could end here. “Mrs. Rarity, I will be sure to look over my numbers and get back to you at a later time. Have a good day.”

“B-but I--”

Itachi ended the call, gesturing for the delivery man to step in. It was the norm: sample boxes, gifts for the gang...

“And this,” The delivery man handed a smaller parcel directly to Itachi, “Was sent to you with special directions for your hands only.”

Itachi blinked at it. He signed the invoice but, even when the other man left, he wasn't sure what to make of it. Finally, he tore open the packaging to reveal...

To reveal...

A book.

It was a thick, sparkly number: pink shining forth underneath all of the glitz. Itachi read out the title on the cover. “'HunieCam Studio – Even a Pathetic Loser Like _You_ Can Run a Camshow Operation!'” The author's name was Kyu Sugardust.

Itachi snorted in laughter before he could stop himself. If that wasn't a blatant porn-star name, he didn't know what _was_.

But... He would never turn his nose up at free advice. Maybe this was a good thing. Itachi nodded to himself before opening up the book, skimming past the picture of a young woman with short, light pink hair decorated by a pair of fairy-wing hairclips. Her bright green eyes promised a playful time before Itachi turned to the first chapter.

_'Oh, look who decided to finally get a copy of this book~ Good for you~! You put your big-boy pants on! Maybe by this time next week you'll be able to differentiate between pussy and dick...'_

Wait, _what_? Okay, Itachi was _not_ about to be shit-talked by a fucking book! He read on:

_'And, before you even try to talk shit, yes: my real last name is 'Sugardust'. Can we move the fuck on? Okay? Okay. Listen, these books don't make it into the hands of every amateur Tom, Dick, and Harriet. I only deal with the real G's who make that 'Fuck-Me' money, ya dig? Now then, be a good chicken-choker and turn to page 39 real quick for me, okay?'_

Why the hell was Itachi following orders from a book? Nonetheless, he did as he was told: turning to the specified page. He almost didn't notice the envelope that fell out. He quickly picked it up, opening it up to reveal eight laminated badges and lanyards. He turned back to the page he was reading.

_'Alright, pack your shit! You and your employees are going on a trip!'_

 

* * *

 

“What the Krispy-Kreme _fuck_ does this kid want now?” Hidan asked as everyone filed into the main office.

“Maybe we got some good stuff from a high-end company and Itachi wants to make sure we all have a shot at choosing what we want?” Deidara offered, a fruit roll-up making its way into his mouth piece by piece.

Naruto turned to Sasuke, the latter's hand on his boyfriend's hip. “You privy on what the raven Kahuna is brewing?”

Sasuke took a moment to dissect what was said. “Not a clue.” He replied, “I don't know why aniki would be secretive now...”

While the others lightly conversed, Kisame kept his concerns to himself. He didn't like managers keeping secrets from him.

His last job had...

No. Don't think about the past. Focus on the present.

“Thank you all for coming today.” Itachi addressed everyone, setting his book down.

“Aniki, what the hell is going on?” Sasuke asked, Naruto ruffling his hair.

“Easy, raven-haired beach bunny...”

Kakuzu spoke up. “But I do share some of the trepidation here.”

Itachi looked around at everyone, in awe that they had come to this point. However, he wasn't sure if he could properly present the situation in words. So he opted for sliding one of the badges across the desk. Kisame stepped forward and picked it up, inspecting the sizzling hot anagram that spelled...

“A.E.E.?” Kisame asked, taking Itachi's hands into his own and unknowingly short-circuiting his brain as he spoke, “We're going to AEE?”

Itachi could only nod, his face burning up.

“YES!” Kisame whooped, rushing back to the others who were busy cheering and laughing. Itachi could have looked at them and appreciated how happy they were. But, really, he was too focused on how Kisame had actually _touched. His. Hand._

As in, if Itachi were to jerk off tonight, he would have the slightest remnants of Kisame's touch... touching _him_.

“Wait,” Sasuke had to ask, not liking the idea of being the one person out of the loop. “What's AEE?”

“The Adult Entertainment Expo!” Hidan shouted, jumping into Kakuzu's arms, “We've finally made it, ya horny bastards!”

“This is BIG!” Deidara waved his hands in front of his face, “Sasori, am I dreaming?”

Sasori shook his head, a quiet grin on his lips.

“Wow!” Naruto hopped onto Sasuke's back, “Not even a high tide into working here and we're already getting a kickass vacation!”

That was the point where Itachi's mind put a full-halt on things.

“Crap, perhaps I didn't think this through...” Itachi sighed. Damn it, plane tickets for all of them would be too expensive at last-minute notice like this.

“I got it.” Kisame brought out his phone, scrolling through his contacts until he found what he was looking for. “Come on, pick up...” His face flipped from stern concentration to firm optimism. “Hey! Mei! How's it going?” He nodded as the voice on the other end went on about him not calling in three years. “Cool, cool... Hey, listen: you know that solid I did for you back in 2011? Yeah, I'm going to go ahead and call in that favor. … How many? Um...”

Kisame did a quick count of everyone in the room. “Around 8 or 9... So enough room for 10? Yeah. … Yeah. Awesome, man, you are a life-saver!” He hung up, grinning at the others, “Welp, our ride situation is handled.”

“How..?” Itachi asked, really not sure of just 'going with the flow' on this one. Kisame chuckled,

“Well, I did a free show for a friend of mine's charity and I decided that this would be a good time to call in a favor.”

What had Itachi done in his past life to be blessed with the presence of such a wonderful man? “Okay.” Itachi stood to his feet, “Alright. AEE starts on the 18th and runs until the 21st. I'd want us to get on the road three days before which means...” He calculated things out, “We have around the better part of a week to prepare.”

“Meaning,” Kakuzu set Hidan down, “Everyone needs to get their IDs updated, pack _actual_ clothing in addition to stuff for partying...”

 

* * *

 

In a large mountain condo on the outskirts of town, Deidara (sans the frills, makeup, heels) was shoving all of his best clothes into three large suitcases.

He was trying to decide between two pairs of heels when a grunt from the hallway pulled his attention. Oh, it was his Sugar Daddy. “Hey Tom.” Deidara hummed, going back to his work.

“Where the hell are you going?” The older man gruffed out. Deidara sighed, locking his suitcase up.

“Tom, I told you: I'm going out of town for a few days.”

Tom stepped forward, tossing one of the suitcases aside. “I don't recall,” He seethed out, trying to keep the blonde in the room, “Giving you _permission,_ boy!”

“Tom, _please._ ” Deidara pleaded, stepping back a few paces, “I-I _really_ don't want to go to Las Vegas with a black ey--”

A sharp slap to the face sent him to the floor before he could even finish his sentence. A broken whimper left his throat, his body curling up into a fetal position. Anything to keep the other man from getting angry anymore.

Tom grit his teeth, clenching his fist in front of him. “You aren't _going anywhere_.” He turned and slammed the door behind him, leaving Deidara to think about his options. He _really_ didn't want to call Sasori again: all he would do is worry and then chastise Deidara for staying in his current relationship. Well... Luckily his room was on the first floor. All he had to do was get his bags out and down the street before he could call an Uber or something...

 

* * *

 

Itachi walked around the large white and silver RV that had been dropped off in front of the Velveteen Garden building. Bags and belongings had been set in their proper compartments, the tank was full, all they needed was for Deidara to show up.

“Sasori!” Itachi stepped inside to see Sasori looking at his phone with a heavy expression. “Do you have any idea where Deidara could be? We need to get going!”

Sasori didn't respond, he only looked at his phone: ready to jump the second Deidara texted or called. However, a small car sped up to the building. At the first flash of blonde, Kisame peeked his head out of the window, “Hey, there he is!”

“Thanks again!” Deidara called out to the Uber driver as they drove off. He turned around, trying his best attempt at one of his shining smiles, “Can someone help me with my bags?”

Itachi rushed over, his face set in stone. “Deidara, where _were_ you?! It's ten minutes to our hour of departure and--”

He stopped, his eyes landing on the bruising and swelling of the blonde's cheek. “Deidara...” Itachi shook his head, whispering, “Deidara, what happened?”

“Itachi, it's fine.” Deidara hefted up one of his bags, “Just... just drop it, okay?”

Itachi remained silent, watching Deidara step into the RV. With how quiet he was, he could almost hear the conversation inside.

“Deidara, no...”

“You say the word, songbird, I'll gladly go cut a fucker!”

“Guys, enough...” That was Sasori, his gentle protest being enough to stow the rest of the conversation. Itachi struggled to get the two remaining suitcases to the RV, finally being helped by Naruto when he got close enough. Itachi finally stepped in, looking around and making sure that everything and everyone was accounted for.

He turned towards the driver's seat and got a feel for the set up. After readjusting the seat so he could be able to see out of the window, Itachi called back, “Alright, I'll handle driving for the first leg of the trip. Are we...”

He gulped at the sight of Deidara silently crying into Sasori's shoulder.

“Are we ready?”

Kisame sat down with a sigh, “Yep. Onward to Vegas.”

 

* * *

It was two days of on-and-off driving for the employees and temporary manager of _Velveteen Garden_. They switched off, to make it easier for each other: rotations of Itachi, Kisame, and Kakuzu. A lot of coffee was brewed and cigarettes burnt out: Kisame may have groaned about the stifling air, but Deidara and Kakuzu needed their ash-dropping fix.

Naruto was the one to get the most out of their little road-trip. He was like a hyperactive dog: sticking his head out of the windows and pointing out every landmark they passed. He was also exceptionally affectionate towards Sasuke, who didn't mind it one bit.

They did have to stop a few times because of Hidan's sudden bouts of motion-sickness, but that was soon alleviated by Itachi remembering a recipe for ginger tea his mother used to make.

The trip proved to do wonders for Deidara, too. He would never say it but he needed to get out of his Sugar Daddy's house for a bit due to... _reasons_.

One night when everyone was asleep and Kakuzu was handling driving duty, Itachi woke up to see Kisame sitting at the small 'dining table'. He had a faded photograph in his hands and his face held the expression of someone looking upon fond memories.

“Is everything alright?” Itachi asked, gently stepping up behind him. The sudden presence jostled Kisame a bit but he eased back down.

“Yeah, I'm fine.”

Itachi looked down at the picture on the table: the portrait showing Kisame with a man with messy black spikes of hair, a young woman with fluffy locks of pink in two pig-tails, and a second young man with a _glamorous_ coiffure and full, brightly painted lips. “I... recognize _you_ ,” Itachi said as he sat across from Kisame, “But not the others.”

Kisame chuckled, offering the picture over. “That's me and my crew from my _Sweet Dream_ days.” Itachi looked at the picture once more, taking note of the skimpy clothing and darker lighting.

“Kisame.” Itachi had to ask, remembering the words on the other man's blog, “Were you... happier as a dancer?”

Kisame blinked before scratching the back of his head. “Ah, you know... Sometimes I'm not sure.”

…

What?

“You see,” Kisame sighed, “Dancing's always going to be in my blood. But I don't think I'd _want_ to go back to doing it professionally... Unless I had my friends from _Sweet Dream_ with me.”

Itachi hadn't been expecting anything outside of a simple 'yes' or 'no'. “I... see.”

“What about you?”

“Huh?” Itachi questioned back, Kisame beginning again,

“I know that you're really only here until Madara is back on his feet. Was this industry something you wanted to continue forward in? Or is it just a means to an end for you?”

Wait, hold on... Why was Kisame getting so intrusive with this? “I...” Itachi gulped, “I...”

Kisame tapped his fingertips against the table. Then, gently, he reached across the table to take Itachi's hand. “You don't have anyone in your life right now, do you?”

Itachi's pulse quickened, his eyes following the contact of their hands until he met with Kisame's heavy gaze. “N-no... But I c-can't...”

“Date an employee?” Kisame's smile was a small one. He didn't let go of Itachi's hand, however, when he offered: “You know, technically the business still belongs to Madara. Meaning... that I'm not _technically_ your employee.”

The entire RV swerved abruptly, everyone (save Naruto and Hidan) lurching awake as adrenaline started pulsing through their veins.

“What the hell is going on?!” Sasuke shouted, trying to wake Naruto's snoring form up.

Kakuzu looked into the rearview mirror, trying to make sure that Kisame and Itachi had separated. “Nothing, nothing. Just had to avoid hitting a coyote. Go back to sleep. _All_ of you.”

 

* * *

 

Las Vegas, city of sin and no concept of sleep. They arrived in the late afternoon: the lights of the strip just barely starting to flicker on.

“Wow...” Naruto was even stunned into keeping his reactions simple at the beauty and extravagance of the city.

“Welcome to the Burg of Lust and Vice, folks!” Kisame whooped, driving them through the busy streets. They needed to check into the Hard Rock hotel and go finalize their badge registrations before the day was out.

Not to mention that Itachi's work would _really_ begin: making sure that their booth was an appropriate size, mapping out the location they would be given, seminars, networking...

They managed to find a parking structure big enough for the RV and made relatively quick work checking their luggage in with the hotel so the staff could place it in their rooms...

Or their _suite_ as the front desk clerk informed them. “Reservations for _Velveteen Garden_?”

“Yes, thank you.” Itachi gladly signed off the electronic check-in and took their key-cards which each read 'Suite 17'.

“Wow,” Hidan's grin couldn't be stopped as he snatched up one of the key-cards, “I've never had the chance to fuck in a Suite before! High _fucking_ class...”

“There will be time to fuck _later_ ,” Itachi said, immediately regretting his wording but not regretting the sentiment, “We need to check in for the Expo, let's go before the lines build up!” Who knew how many people wanted to get things set and done on Day 0 rather than Day 1 when the crowds would be _abysmal?_

 

* * *

 

Near one of the check-in stations for the convention in question, a large group of women ranging from 18 to the 40s range were standing and watching their manager pace the floor in front of them.

“Alright Ladies!” Kyu Sugardust clacked one of her pretty pink heels against the ground. “We're here at AEE once again to do _what_?”

A Russian woman with long, dark hair offered, “To be making the money?”

Kyu sighed, “Well, _thanks_ for the obvious, Ra-Ra-Rasputin! Anyway...” As Kyu continued her pacing, one of the women was busy trying to figure out what stick of gum she wanted out of the pack she had in her hands. _That one_ seemed good, but _that one's_ wrapper was nice and shiny... Even though, to the average person, they were the _exact same pieces of gum_.

Her gum dilemma had successfully drowned out everything else until a familiar voice reached her ears.

“Damn, I haven't seen this many people since Ladies Night at _Sweet Dream_...”

[Rose-hued eyes went wide as she shook her head, long fluffy pink pig-tails following the motion](http://67.media.tumblr.com/03942c10982470e02c56edefb5ffec5e/tumblr_o65mkaTRt11tukoego2_1280.png). “No _way_...” She stepped away from her group, whipping from left to right as she tried to find the source of the voice.

Where... _Where_? She was sure that she had heard him.

She stopped, like a deer in the headlights, when she saw him. That tall, broad build, those shocks of wild blue hair.

A face she hadn't seen in _years_.

“Oh... My... GOSH!!” She bounded over, her large bust jiggling as she ran over.

 

* * *

 

Kisame could have sworn he heard a familiar voice after he checked in his badge, but he just wasn't sure... He turned to the left just in time to shout out, “Candy?!”

The pink-haired woman jumped up into his arms, laughing and crying even as her sudden weight caused them both to fall to the floor. “Blue!! Oh my _God_ , I never thought I'd see you again!” 

"Holy shit, same here!" Kisame held the woman tight, nuzzling against her and laughing. "What are you doing here?" 

'Candy' scoffed, " _Obviously_ the company I work for is being represented here, you big goof! What about  _you_?" 

Kisame's grin was brighter than bright. "Same!" 

"Ahem!" Both Kisame and 'Candy' looked up to see Itachi (everyone else, really, but it was Itachi's countenance that was almost a glare) looking down at them. "Kisame..." Itachi cleared his throat, "Would you care to introduce us to your...  _friend_?" 

Kisame looked from his co-workers to his friend before nodding and standing to his feet, helping her up. "Guys, I don't know how to say this but... This is Candace, one of my best friends from my  _Sweet Dreams_ days!" 

"But you can call me 'Candy'," Candace grinned, "Candace is  _so_ hard to spell, sometimes. Ugh!" 

Sasuke frowned, muttering, "It's seven letters..." Hidan, his mouth never missing an opportunity to speak up, had his own commentary on Kisame's friend's appearance. 

"Holy  _fucking_ crap," He pointed at her chest, "Are those  _real_?!" 

Candace blinked looking down at her chest and the candy-wrapper stripe bikini-top that was barely concealing her. "Heh heh, yep! F Cups all the way~!" 

Hidan piped up, "That's not what I asked, bi--"

"So!" Itachi, his voice barely concealing his growing agitation with how Kisame  _still_ had his arm around this woman's waist, "I'm sure that this has been a  _lovely_ reunion, but we should really be getting back to our hotel suite. It was a  _really_ long drive and I'm sure that we all would appreciate some rest." 

Naruto, unfortunately, decided to step up with, "But I wanted to see more of these banging lights and --" 

Itachi slammed his foot down,  _hard_ , on the blonde's foot: Naruto collapsing to the ground with a pained yelp. "Oh, look at that! Our youngest member is collapsing, he's so tired! We should get going." 

But Candace, be it because of her airheadedness or her not being able to read the air, merely offered, "Well, maybe I can show you guys around on your way back? There's a lot to see and this will be my fourth time at AEE, so I can--"

"WHERE THE HELL IS CANDACE?!" 

Candace blinked before remembering, "Oh  _right_! I was checking in with my company for the Expo! Oopsie. Blue, give me your cellphone number so we can meet up!" Kisame happily agreed, programming his number into Candace's phone... Not before snapping a quick selfie of himself for her. "You big  _goof_!" Candace giggled, "Oh my God, I just totally realized! Saitama and Mettaton are going to be  _so PSYCHED_ to see you!" 

Kisame's face brightened up exponentially, "They're here too?!" Holy shit, was he going to get his wish? Reuniting with his friends? Candace opened her mouth to go on another tangent when her boss shrieked out her name once more. 

"I've gotta go, Blue." She gave him a quick peck on the cheek before waving at Itachi, "It was good to meet you, Ma'am!" 

Itachi watched the pink-haired bimbo bounce off, his opinion of her already set in stone in his mind: 

He hated her and, if what he had seen was any indication, he wasn't going to be fond of Kisame's other friends either. And, really, if Kisame had been serious about that conversation the other night on the RV, what the hell was that obvious flirt-fest that just happened?!

God, he hoped that these next few days could pass without any other hassles...

* * *

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the guys have made it to the Big Leagues: The Adult Entertainment Expo! I've, personally, never been so a lot of what I will be writing will be wishful thinking and imagination for what kind of expo it would be. 
> 
> Also, guess the crossover cameos~! I'll give you two: Kyu Sugardust is the very same character I've been quoting at random points throughout this fic and Candace is my all-time FAVORITE girl from the HunieCam Studio game. She happens to be a stripper in the actual game so, you know, Stripper buddies~!
> 
> Thanks for reading, everyone! Please feel free to leave feedback or hit me up on tumblr! Here's wishing hope and love to all of you!
> 
> \- Grandma


	5. The Adult Entertainment Expo - Day 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What fun is there to have at an Expo surrounding all things erotic and playful? The guys behind Velveteen Garden have a few things to show you...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is LONG! This chapter is Un-betaed! And... if I don't get feedback on it, I'll cry. Just saying.
> 
> Also, warnings for this chapter: We have a slur used, but only once and only by one character. Also... Ahem. Drugs are bad, m'kay?
> 
> Now then, let's get reading!

 

“Let's go!”

Everyone in the suite groaned as Itachi shouted and opened doors. “We have to be get to the Showroom floor in an hour and a half, we can't dawdle!”

Kakuzu was the first one out, yawning as he left the room he was sharing with Hidan. “Even as someone who is used to getting up at 6 in the morning... Itachi, some of us are _exhausted_ from the trip.”

“Not to _mention_ ,” Naruto shouted from his and Sasuke's room, “That _one of us_ is nursing a busted foot, thanks to _some_ barney who I'm _way_ too chillax to point out!”

Itachi didn't respond to that. He didn't want to make a mess of things and start acting like so jilted lover over Kisame and his... _friend_. Though it didn't help that Kisame had apparently left earlier, sticking a note on the fridge that read 'Going out for a bite to eat with Candy. See you guys at in the showroom!' Itachi had decided, after being forced to listen to Kisame speak with his friends on the phone _all night_ last night, to bury himself in his attempts to put Velveteen Garden on the map. Now, if everyone would just wake up and get dressed, they could carry what little promotional material Itachi had xeroxed and copied before they left on their little trip.

* * *

 

“So, where's Kisame anyway?” Sasuke asked as the team was decorating their simple table. They had just arrived in the vast showroom of the Hard Rock hotel, other vendors and Camshow groups sluggishly setting up large displays and small free sample packages along with posters and magazines.

“He went out.” Itachi grit out, “He should be here before regular attendees are allowed on the floor.” Sasuke watched his brother roughly tug the mauve and black tablecloth with the company logo over the legs of the table, finally speaking up,

“You know, if you had _maybe_ said something along the lines of 'hey, I'm attracted to you. Wanna fuck?', maybe you could have had a chance with him? Or, at least he wouldn't be frolicking through eggs and bacon with some Cirque du Orgy reject?”

Itachi slammed a box of business cards onto the table. “Sasuke.” He took a deep breath. “I don't have... the _time_ to be thinking of this. Let's just try to have everything go off without a hitch okay?” He turned around to the rest of his employees, “Is that clear with everyone?”

“It would be a lot fucking clearer if you had _at least_ let us stop to get some fucking food!” Hidan snapped out, Deidara (fully dressed as DeeDee in a light blue Gothic-Lolita number) groaning in agreement.

“Seriously, Itachi, you've been stressing out something fierce since yesterday. Do you need a drink?” Deidara reached into the front of his dress and pulled out a thermos, “I made Mojitos~!” The thermos was quickly snatched out of his hand, “Hey~!”

“Not on an empty stomach.” Sasori said, resolving to keep an eye on the thermos until they could break for food.

The table was almost done by the time that Kakuzu stepped over and asked, “Itachi, can I have a word?”

Itachi looked over the table, their handouts, their catalogs... “I suppose I could step away for a bit.” Both men walked a few paces out of earshot before Kakuzu sighed, “You're not going to be of any use to Velveteen Garden if you're determined on running us ragged, Itachi. Maybe you should go back to the suite and _ease some tension_?”

“Kakuzu, I'm fine!” Itachi snapped back, not appreciating the fact that Kakuzu had just told him to go jerk off to de-stress, “I just need Kisame to come back from wherever the hell he went for breakfast with that Candy person.”

Kakuzu rubbed at his temples. He had a feeling he would have to be the one keeping Kisame and Itachi from making any stupid choices during this trip, but he hadn't accounted for Kisame causing Itachi to become such a boss-zilla. Itachi turned to leave when he noticed two men walking near the Velveteen Underground table.

Well, _one_ was a man: dressed like a perfect butler, crisp white gloves and dark hair precisely combed. The other looked like he couldn't be any older than sixteen, though Itachi knew that AEE wasn't allowing anyone younger than eighteen into for the festivities.

The younger man looked around with one eye (the other covered in an eye-patch), sipping at a smoothie before ordering, “Set the table up here. I want the cardboard cutouts on either side and the display case for the new toy line up front.”

“Yes, my Lord.” The older man dropped the flat box he had been holding before reaching into his pocket for a remote. He pressed it, the box opening out into a large table set-up. A second press had two cardboard cutouts, each of the younger man, unfolding and attaching to either side of the table.

The process was completely automated which meant that half of the much larger table ended up bumping into and knocking off things from the Velveteen Garden table.

“Hey!” Itachi stormed over, Kakuzu following suit. “ _Excuse me_! Did you two want to watch where you're setting things up? You're ruining our display!”

The younger man blinked, sipping one more time before snapping his fingers. His partner rushed over to take the smoothie from him. “Oh, I'm _terribly_ sorry,” He folded his arms, a smirk growing on his lips to match his snarky British accent, “Didn't see your little kiddy-table there. Guess that's what happens when they let just _any_ Camshow group into these things now of days.”

“The fuck are you on, ya bloody tosser?!” Hidan hopped over the now-messy table and stormed over just to have Kakuzu stop him. “Let go of me, you bastard!”

“Oh wow!” Deidara gasped, “You're Ciel Phantomhive of A Boy and His Butler dot com!”

The shorter man, this Ciel, scoffed and placed a hand on his hip. “In the flesh. Now, if you'll excuse us, we can't really afford to waste time on such... small fare. Sebastian!”

“Yes, my Lord.” The taller man nodded, pressing the final button on the remote to turn on the small but impressive LED display with their website's logo on it.

Itachi's fists clenched at his sides before he ordered, “We don't have _time_ for this! Just move the table two feet to the right!”

Naruto was quick to complain, “My foot's still nagging at me, brah!”

“DO IT!” Itachi snapped out, Sasuke, Kakuzu, and Naruto groaning before they teamed up to lift the table and move it further away from their neighbors.

Hidan folded his arms, muttering, “We wouldn't even need to bother if you just let me beat the fucker's face into the dirt.”

“If this were any other occasion,” Itachi whispered, “I would even join you.”

* * *

 

What is the embodiment of 'awkward'? Is it visiting a sex shop for the first time and having to dip into the shelves of dildos just to avoid anyone potentially recognizing you? Is it having a bit too much fun with a toy and ending up having to visit an emergency room just to get it removed? Perhaps it is organizing a threesome for your significant other's birthday just to have the third party end up being your ex?

For the guys of Velveteen Garden, awkward was sitting and standing around their meager table and having convention-goers constantly pass them over or only stop to ask if they knew where a bathroom was.

Not to mention that none of them had eaten yet, so they were all starting to get a bit irritable.

“Where the _hell_ is Kisame?!” Itachi looked at his phone, “It's going on ten-thirty, for God's sake!” It wasn't just Itachi not appreciating Kisame being absent for so long it was also the fact that there was a Management Conference at 10:45 that Itachi had to go to. He didn't want to leave the group in such a messy way. Especially not without seeing that Kisame made it back. But it was looking like he would have to head out. “Damn it! Kakuzu, can you please handle things here while I go to this conference?”

Kakuzu merely shrugged, opening the briefcase he had brought along with him and retrieving a book of math problems to do.

“I'll take that as a yes.” Itachi grabbed his bag and after a quick bit of 'be careful and don't go getting lost' to Sasuke, he rushed off to find the room where the conference was being held.

“Final-fucking-ly.” Hidan yawned, everyone else letting out long breaths they hadn't even realized they had been holding. “Maybe now I can get some sleep.”

* * *

 

Itachi headed on out to the conference hall where a brunch had been set up for managers, producers, publishers, and all sorts of higher-ups in the world of porn and erotica.

Itachi looked around, noting that everyone was already sitting in their own unspoken arrangements of cliques and gossip. He was already frazzled enough, he didn't need any high school politics on top of it. He found an empty table to sit down at and gladly accepted a bottle of water from one of the event coordinators.

“Let's see...” He took out a notebook and pen to take notes, nodding at the event coordinator who set down three thick pamphlets that, upon opening one of them, Itachi saw contained an itinerary of every vendor, production company, special event, and independent group that was going on. Itachi would have had to be blind to miss the giant glossy spread for the HunieCam Studio team: bright pink letters reading 'Most Popular Camshow Group Three Years Running!' He quickly turned the page so he wouldn't have to see Candy's face anymore.

“Hey, this seat taken?”

Itachi looked up from the pamphlets, about to say 'No, but...' just to have the seat next to him occupied by none other than Kyu Sugardust herself.

“Really? Thanks! I couldn't even _think_ of being surrounded by a bunch of suck-up losers for the next hour.”

“Not a problem, I guess.” Itachi offered back. Maybe he could get some good business connections going on.

“Hey!” Kyu stood up, trying to wave over one of the coordinators, “Who's dick does a girl have to suck to get some booze around here?!”

Oh, this was going to be a _long_ hour and a half...

“Oh, look at that: an empty seat~” And it just got _longer_! Itachi turned around just in time for Kyu to address the woman sitting down,

“Oh, hey Muffet. Looking good. Nice to see all those baked goods haven't gone straight to your thighs yet. Then again,” Kyu snickered, “That means that they haven't gone to your tits, either.”

Muffet, a slender figure with her dark hair in short-cut pig-tails waited until she was comfortable before responding, her Chinese heritage present in her voice, “Nice to see you too, Kyu. I'm surprised that you haven't managed to catch the mother of all STDs yet. But, I digress,” She looked to Itachi, who was trying his best to see if there was another empty table, “I don't believe we've met. Nor do I recognize you from any past events or meet-ups. My name is Muffet, I manage the affairs behind Seductive Monsters.”

Finally, someone who Itachi could talk to. “Itachi Uchiha. I'm temporarily managing Velveteen Underground. It's a pleasure to meet--”

Kyu pulled Itachi over to her side, grinning, “Oh, _now_ I recognize you! You're that little upstart that I sent out a last-minute ticket package to. So, how are you enjoying the Expo so far?”

Itachi cleared his throat, easing himself out of Kyu's grasp. He couldn't tell these two that their table was struggling, they would probably pounce on him with unbalanced advertising offers. “It's... great. We've been able to meet so many fans and it's just been a _great_ experience.” It would be great if that little British shit moved his table, but Itachi kept that detail to himself.

Kyu hummed, turning towards Muffet. “And how are _you_ enjoying my _sloppy seconds_ this year, Muffet?”

Muffet's face fell into a frown, the wound of the latest ratings still fresh, before she recovered and bit out, “Oh, _I'm_ just fine. But how are _you_ liking your _Taco Tuesday Marathon_?”

“Well, would you look at _that_?” Kyu winced, turning towards the stage. So she only hired attractive women? Big whoop. “Looks like the show's finally starting. Take notes everyone!”

* * *

 

The vast majority of the conference could be boiled down to: 'welcome new and old faces, we congratulate all of those who have made it to these ranks this year, also major congrats to Ms. Sugardust and the ladies of HunieCam Studio! Now, let's talk trends and business'.

Itachi was jotting some notes on paid subscription tricks versus donation boxes when Muffet spoke up,

“What happened to that whole... _motel_ venture of yours, Kyu?” Itachi stopped writing.

Kyu moaned, “Ugh... The owner of the last place I was using decided to _suddenly_ call himself growing a _conscious_!” She frowned before doing a bad impersonation of the man's voice, “'Oh, I can't have prostitution linked to my business'~!”

Itachi, who had been taking a drink of water, practically spat it out, coughing, “You do _what_?!”

Kyu blinked before shrugging, “Well, yeah. Some of our wealthier viewers will sometimes request, well, 'one-on-one' time with some of my girls. They pay good money and as long as my girls make sure to stay protected, it's fine. Actually, hold that thought.” Kyu walked over to the balcony attached to the conference hall and shouted down below, “HEY! JESSIE MAYE! YOU'D BETTER HAVE SOME CONDOMS DOWN THERE, I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD!”

She walked back to the table and sat down. “So, where were we?”

“That's prostitution.” Itachi calmly said, “Not only is it illegal, but... You can't be okay with that?” 'Your employees can't be okay with that!'

“Fufufu...” Muffet giggled, “I remember when _I_ was that green behind the ears...”

“At the end of the day, kid,” Kyu waved her hand for another drink, “We're just pimps under a different title. There's no room in this business to take some high and mighty route.”

As soon as the conference came to a close, Itachi grabbed his things and left with a brisk 'It was a pleasure meeting both of you.' He needed to get those words, those cold, tacky words, out of his mind.

But as he walked down the busy halls, trying to find his way back to the showroom floor, he couldn't help but think that those words had some merit.

“ _At the end of the day, kid, we're just pimps under a different title.”_

He _was_ technically forcing his team, even his younger brother, to fuck and debase themselves on camera in front of thousands of strangers. But... they enjoyed it, right?

… Right?

“Oh my _God_ , that Caribbean Blue guy is _such_ a hottie!”

“Right? Hey, careful with those posters; we paid good money for those!”

Itachi looked up when he overheard the conversation from the two passers-by. Had they... He sped up, trying to get to the Velveteen Garden table but noticing that a large crowd had formed around it since he had been gone. Not only that but, when he could actually get a good peek at the table, he saw a much larger display: a banner with the site logo, large glossy posters for sale, buttons, and other things. But he was sure that the main attraction at that moment had to be the object of his frustration and wet dreams currently sitting at a small table and arm-wrestling with Sebastian from next door.

Kakuzu circled the table where both men were in a stalemate, announcing, “Bets are ending soon, ladies and gentlemen! I've got Caribbean Blue to win, 8 to 2 odds!”

“So,” Kisame chuckled, his grip not budging, “I have to ask... Why are you so loyal to the little pissant over there?”

Sebastian, despite himself, had to chuckle back. “He likes to think he's in charge. But, let me tell you, he's an _incredible_ fuck. All 'please Sebastian' and 'I'll be a good boy for you'.”

“He's such a shrimp though...” Kisame hunkered down, putting a bit more effort on his side of things. “Unless... You're _into_ that whole shota-aesthetic.”

Sebastian cleared his throat, attempting to double-down his attempts and holding Kisame at bay, “And what about you? Are you _not_ fucking that dove-skinned doe over there?”

Kisame made the mistake of glancing back to see that Itachi had joined in cheering him on. “No.” He shook his head, “Actor-Management embargo.”

“A pity.” Sebastian offered his condolences, “Then again, it probably _is_ for the best. After all, you may just end up being the flavor of the week for him.”

Kisame's expression twisted, a scowl growing over his lips. He was done with this. He doubled-down and sent Sebastian falling on the other side of the table.

“That's how you do it!” Naruto whooped out, applause and shouts filling the area. Hidan clapped Kisame on the shoulder, a grin as bright as the Vegas strip,

“Way to show those pissy fucks who's boss, ah?” Kisame quickly plastered on smile so he could face his co-workers. Of course, he wasn't sure how strong his mask would be as Itachi walked around to meet up with him.

“That was... amazing!”

“Ah, it was nothing,” Kisame sat down, grabbing a bottle of water from the cooler he had brought, “The guy was all looks. But, look at this!” He changed the topic as someone bought one of his posters and asked him to sign it. “Traffic has definitely picked up, right?”

Itachi looked around and, indeed, there were a lot more people asking questions, taking cards, and buying the posters the Kisame had apparently arrived with while he was in that God-awful conference. “Yeah, Candy helped me out with some connections to a local printer. Not only that but I was able to pick up some food for everyone. You hungry? Thirsty? I've got some good stuff in the cooler.”

Itachi almost felt bad about snapping at everyone earlier.

* * *

 

With food in their stomachs and a better flow of traffic going on, things went a lot smoother. Even with the shrieks of 'You are _so_ USELESS!' coming from next door every so often after that arm-wrestling bout. They even had the time to figure out a rotation so everyone could go see what other booths and tables had to offer.

“So, at 1 o'clock,” Sasori circled an event going on then, “MonMu Productions is debuting their movie _Monster Musume_. I was going to take Sasuke so we could watch it and look into effects and new angles.”

Itachi nodded. “That seems like it would be good for the two of you.” He looked at the pamphlet, “Then when you two come back, Kakuzu and Hidan can go check out the Sub and Dom Etiquette panel.”

They divvied out some more time slots, eventually ending off with Kisame and Itachi taking one of the last slots together. On the _one_ hand, it would be nice to spend some time _alone_ with Kisame.

On the _other_ hand... He just wished it wasn't here of all places.

“Oh my God...” Kisame whispered, Kakuzu's eyes going wide as both men stared in the same direction.

“What?” Itachi stood up, “What happened? What's going on?!”

Both Kisame and Kakuzu sped over to the figure who had captured their attention: an older woman with a fuller figure, her white hair cut into a short bob, and a basket of baked goods hanging from her arm. “It's Mrs. Toriel!”

“Oh, my!” The woman in question chuckled, “It's so good to see new fans here. How are you today, dears?”

Kakuzu cleared his throat, trying to act like the man he was rather than the fanboy he had turned into, “W-we're fine, of course. Right Kisame?”

“I watch your show every week!” Kisame exclaimed, looking down at the basket, “Oh my God... Do you have...”

Toriel nodded, reaching into her basket and pulling out a large, sticky, sweet-smelling pie. “It's my special Butt-erscotch/Sin-namon Pie! Did you boys want to buy one? Take some weight off of an old woman's shoulders?”

“Yes!” Both Kakuzu and Kisame promptly said, immediately pulling out the needed funds to purchase the pie. After counting out the money, Toriel handed over the pie and was on her way. Once she was gone, however, Kakuzu grimaced, “I can not believe we just forked over 50 dollars for a _pie_.”

“It's not just _any_ pie, Kakuzu,” Kisame said as they walked back to Velveteen Garden's table. He placed the pie in the cooler before anyone could point it out.

“Really?” Hidan folded his arms, glaring at Kisame and Kakuzu, “I thought both of you would have outgrown _Mrs. Toriel's Baking Show_ by now?”

Kisame chuckled, sitting on the table, “You can _never_ outgrow the allure of a good MILF, Hidan.”

“You, my friend,” Deidara stopped to hand a couple of passers-by some glamour shots and business cards, “And your bisexual tendencies are going to get yourself in trouble one of these days...”

“Okay!” Itachi clapped his hands together, his agitation starting to boil up again, “Let's get back to work!”

* * *

 

Sasuke had never experienced the sheer level of... non-arousal as he had while watching the _Monster Musume_ film. If he wasn't 100% gay before, watching scantily-clad monster-girls flouncing about on screen much to the chagrin of the poor sap who had to host them sure tipped him over to that side.

Sasori, meanwhile, managed to jot some notes in the dimly-lit room. He was truly impressed by the CGI and practical effects that had to go into the lamia girl, the centauress, and the drider. But, really, he could barely get any enjoyment out of the writing (which, damn it if the actors and screenwriter hadn't tried their best) and the sex-scenes-that-technically-weren't-sex-scenes got exhausting to sit through.

The cinematography was pretty good, though.

* * *

 

Kakuzu and Hidan briskly walked down the halls, trying to make up for lost time since Sasori and Sasuke had stayed a bit too late asking questions at their movie viewing. Kakuzu mostly just didn't want to be late. The idea of a bunch of chain and leather upstarts looking at him as he tried to sneak into a panel? Not his cup of tea. But there was something he had to address.

“Hidan, wait.” Kakuzu grabbed Hidan by the arm, the latter groaning,

“What the fuck is it _now_?!”

Kakuzu let go of him long enough to reach into his briefcase and pull out an ivory-white collar. It was studded with faux-opals and had a shimmering silver clasp to it. Hidan's eyes went wide at the sight of it, his heart beginning to flutter. Collars meant... commitment, responsibility, a firmer hand.

“Wh-what's with that girly shit in your hand, you bastard?” He quickly turned away after he said that, not wanting Kakuzu to see his blushing features.

Kakuzu wasn't blind, though. He stepped forward and, once he was sure that Hidan would stay still, he clasped the collar on before stepping back and admiring his work. “Good boy.” He muttered, running his fingers over the bit of Hidan's neck that was still visible.

Hidan shuddered, squirming away, “Enough of that. Let's get to that panel already!” They rounded a corner and after a few more minutes of walking, they made it to the room where the panel was being held.

The two of them stepped in, Kakuzu thankfully noting that people were still trying to get situated. Though it presented the opportunity to see the various sorts of couples who were in here. Old, young, same-sex, some clad in leather, some dressed like they had to see to business affairs and doctors appointments later on.

“Hey, there's a seat!” Hidan called out, making himself at home at a center table: kicking his feet up. Kakuzu swallowed down a groan when the whispers started.

Soon, however, the host of the panel walked up on stage. With black high-heels clicking against the wooden stage with every step and a form-fitting black dress with a side slit high enough so that the butterfly tattoo on her hip was visible, she grabbed the mic: white satin gloves shimmering in the lighting.

“If I could please be to having your attention.” She spoke, her voice betraying a Russian accent, “Thank you. As many of you may know, I am [Nadia](http://65.media.tumblr.com/bcbb82e9aa4914da5ababf44178eb864/tumblr_o65mkaTRt11tukoego3_1280.png). I currently am in employment with HunieCam Studio and I will be tending to our panel today. So, without any further ado...” She snapped her fingers, an event coordinator bringing up several lengths of rope. “Who is wanting to come on up and show us the intricate art of rope bondage?” The coordinator attempted to leave just for Nadia to grab them by the shoulder. “Oh no, my dear. I am still very much in need of your services.”

“Hidan, perhaps we should go on stage to show these people how to _really_ tie some knots.” Kakuzu told his partner, Hidan shrugging,

“I've got nothing better to do. This whole thing is turning out to be some kind of shitty bore-fest anyway.”

Kakuzu didn't need to look around to note the looks and murmurs kicking up again anytime Hidan acted out. They made it to the stage, Kakuzu greeting Nadia in Russian (a small talent he kept, only using it in proper company), Nadia turning to Hidan and commenting. “Your little kitten has such lovely eyes.”

“And _you_ ,” Hidan replied, eyes looking down at Nadia's impressive _endowments_ , “Must have a shitty time finding bras.”

Nadia's left eye twitched, her left hand reaching down to lift up her dress and retrieve the riding crop attached to her stockings. “Sir,” She _warned_ Kakuzu, “You would do well to control your _kitten_. We wouldn't want anything bad to happen to him.”

As she went to inspect the large Russian man with the exciteable sunny American sub, Kakuzu took the opportunity to express his displeasure with Hidan's actions in harsh whispers. “Are you _trying_ to humiliate me?!”

Hidan shrugged, looking around, “I dunno, these couples all rub me the wrong way. Especially the Lithuanian doctor and his dog-like sub over there.”

“Hidan, just...” Kakuzu took a rope that was offered to him. “Behave, alright? Now, hands behind your back.”

* * *

 

Nadia clapped her hands after thirty minutes, “Alright. Please to be presenting your wo--”

“STAY STILL!”  
“FUCKING MAKE ME!”

Despite having a stage full of bound and gagged subs requiring their attention lest anyone hurt themselves during the transitions in and out of subspace, everyone turned to see Kakuzu and Hidan bickering: Kakuzu having tied Hidan up a bit but most of the knots being terrible due to Hidan not wanting to stay still.

Hidan only smirked when the ropes fell away from his form. “Looks like you're losing your touch, old man.”

Kakuzu saw red, his face stuck in an expression of quiet infuriation. He seized Hidan by the neck, gritting out to Nadia, “Excuse us.”

They made it outside, Kakuzu forcing Hidan up against the nearest wall. “What the hell is your problem?! Do you get _off_ on humiliating me?!”

Hidan rolled his eyes, “Isn't that _your_ department?”

Kakuzu let go of his partner, groaning and pulling at his own hair. “You are such a _child_! I don't even know why I waste my time with you!!”

Hidan felt his heart sink down to his stomach.

He shoved Kakuzu away, not wanting to be near him right now. He didn't even bother waiting to hear Kakuzu calling his name.

* * *

 

“Fucking bastard...” Hidan seethed, storming down the hotel halls. He didn't know _where_ he was going nor _what_ he was looking for. He just needed to get as far away from Kakuzu's bullshit as possible and –

“..Speaking of _freaks_.”

Hidan whipped his head to the side to see two girls sitting on a bench, smirking as they made snide comments towards his person. Hidan walked right on over. “The fuck was that?”

The first girl, her long red hair ending in frosted tips, looked up at Hidan and continued, not phased in the least. “You heard me, faggot. I called you a fucking freak. Who _else_ decides that they have nothing better to do than creep on young girls!”

“Creep on--” Hidan shouted back, “You started calling me out for no _fucking_ reason, you shitty, slaggy crackwhore!”

The second girl, black eye shadow for days, studded bracelets, black pigtails and a skull-and-crossbones tattoo on her stomach, decided to put in her own two cents. “Oh wow, [Audrey](http://65.media.tumblr.com/7f501f4e56bb457822a7083b6d6307d8/tumblr_o645omWN0V1tukoego1_1280.png), looks like the bunny's got fangs.”

Audrey, the redhead, looked Hidan up and down before a smirk grew over her features. “Yeah... Most people here are a bunch of stuck up bitches who try to talk down to someone. You... You're alright! You wanna hang out?”

Hidan wasn't convinced. What kind of kinship started with exchanges right out of a bar and hos-- What were _those_?!

Audrey had reached into her backpack and pulled out a small baggie of multi-colored tablets and capsules. “What?” She scoffed towards Hidan as she picked out several pink ones and handed the bag over to her friend. “Are you going to rat us out like some pussy?”

Hidan... had gone completely clean once he had started his relationship with Kakuzu. The idea _was_ tempting, but... What would Kakuzu think?

“ _You are such a child! Why do I waste my time with you?!”_

“Fork some over, cumslut.” He sat in between both girls and held his hand out to the second girl who rolled her eyes,

“It's [Lillian](http://66.media.tumblr.com/aa10fb486566153111cd571c7f28e3c1/tumblr_o65mkaTRt11tukoego5_1280.png), for your information.” Nevertheless, she tipped the open bag over Hidan's hand: several pills rolling out. Hidan was quick to knock them back, Audrey offering a water bottle that, from one sniff, was clearly lacking anything resembling water.

* * *

 

“... And our shows are pretty much set by viewer interest and the moods of my actors. Though we try to have a cumulative schedule at the beginning of every week.” Itachi was explaining how the schedule for Velveteen Garden to an interested visitor. He had just handed them a pamphlet when Kakuzu rushed over, tossing his briefcase under the table and asking Kisame,

“Has Hidan come back here yet?”

Kisame shook his head. “What's up? Did you guys have fun at the panel?”

Kakuzu didn't even want to think about it. “Well, other than being humiliated in front of a room full of Doms, things went _great_.” He seethed out the last word, keeping an eye out. If Hidan wasn't back here, then he probably got himself in trouble somewhere.

Next to them, Ciel was making some biting remarks while Sebastian massaged his shoulders. He couldn't have known about the massive splash of freezing cold milk that abruptly fell upon his form. “Bloody _HELL_!!” He sputtered, jumping up from his chair and frantically looking around, “Who did that?! I'll have your head, you bastard!”

There sound of snickering could be heard from the balcony, the people below looking up to see Hidan, Audrey, and Lillian bursting into laughing fits as Ciel managed to slip and fall on his ass.

“Damn it...” Kakuzu looked to Sasuke, Naruto (who was trying his hardest not to laugh at the sight of their milk-covered neighbor), and Sasori, “Kisame and Itachi need to go find Deidara to tell him to come back. And _I_ need to go talk some sense into Hidan.”

“Not to mention that I _really_ need to take a break.” Kisame stretched out his arms and yawned, “I'm pretty sure our fearless manager needs a breather too.”

Sasori looked around before commenting, “Things seem to be slowing down since it's around lunchtime. We should be fine.”

“If you guys are sure...” Itachi sighed, “Sasuke, if you need _anything_ \--”

“Phones are a thing, aniki.” Sasuke quipped back, Itachi shaking his head and turning back to Kisame.

“Shall we?”

* * *

 

Kisame and Itachi broke off from Kakuzu when a shriek of “MY DRESS!” led the latter to see another result of Hidan's bad behavior. So it was just the two of them walking along the showroom floor.

“Hey!” Kisame pointed at a vendor table that was handing out sample bags of their popular sweet treats. “Wanna check them out?”

“I suppose we can.” Itachi replied, both men walking over to the table. Oh, the people there were lovely: they even took a few business cards from Itachi and handed over some of their own. They were pretty generous with their samples.

Itachi wished they had been... a little _less_ generous because he was certain that he would never be able to look at candy the same way again if Kisame didn't stop sucking at that stupid penis-shaped sucker! “Pretty sweet...” Kisame commented, tossing a sidelong glance at Itachi, “But I'm pretty sure that you'd be sweeter.”

He _knew_ what he was doing to Itachi! He _had_ to know!

Despite his face flushing red (you would think that being in a place like this would have desensitized him to sex-related matters), Itachi was about to try his best to flirt back. But his train of thought was derailed when Hidan and those two girls from earlier bolted down the hall, hotel security hot on their tails.

“Well, at least Hidan's having fun.” Kisame laughed, Itachi not sharing the amusement.

“Thank _God_ that Convention-Insurance is a thing. I don't even want to think of what chaos Hidan has gotten up to.”

Kisame sighed, hefting up both of their tote bags (already pretty full of samples and other convention-swag), “Hidan's probably pissed off or nervous about something. He usually doesn't act out like this otherwise.”

Itachi really didn't want to think about Hidan right now, though. Despite where they were, this was... nice. This could count as a date, right? Itachi wasn't just being desperate, right?

Nevertheless, they eventually arrived at an open area of the showroom where many a photo-shoot was happening. In the midst of it all, Deidara was having a ball: his face lighting up every time someone asked him for a picture.

“I hope that this trip has been good for him.” Itachi muttered, Kisame managing to hear him and comment,

“Breaking up with his boyfriend would be the best thing for him.”

It took Itachi a moment. Then he remembered: the bruising, the withdrawn nature... Itachi hated how he had been so oblivious to the fact that one of his employees was stuck in an abusive relationship. Maybe he should try talking to--

“Don't.” Kisame spoke up, already predicting what Itachi was thinking about, “Sasori's been trying to gently ease Deidara into the idea of leaving Tom. He's... too scared about the idea of not having a stable source of income in case something happens with Velveteen Garden.”

“That's no reason to stay in a situation like that!” Itachi said, probably a bit too loud but he couldn't just let things stay at that. “No, I'm going to talk to Deidara. Probably after I call my uncle this evening.” He would have to tell him how this first day at the Expo went.

Meanwhile, Deidara had been enjoying himself to the point that he lost track of time. He had no idea that DeeDee was popular enough for some of his fans to recognize him. He had just started posing for another picture, promising 'Daddy' that he'd autograph this one... When things went south.

“Oh my God, it's HAKU!!”

As soon as someone screamed that, two-thirds of the people who had been asking for autographs and taking pictures of and with the other Camshow actors up and moved, en mass, to the much popular star.

Deidara, as 'unladylike' as it was, grit his teeth and growled out, “Fucking Haku...” That lily-white, Wa-Loli-wearing, aggravating little diva. He had been trying his best to knock the pretentious little shit from the top 'trap' rankings for a _year_ now, to no avail.

“Of fucking course.” The Hawaiian girl next to him, [Lailani](http://66.media.tumblr.com/a9bac01309d8e0dc5142a1e62751dd5a/tumblr_o65mkaTRt11tukoego4_1280.png) had been her name, frowned and reached into her purse. She brought out a pack of cigarettes and offered one to Deidara. “I can't _stand_ him, every time there's a photo-op or meet-and-greet, he acts so high and mighty and draws everyone's attention.”

The chubby blonde girl dressed in a haphazard attempt at Ganguro fashion grabbed at one of Lailani's cigarettes after Deidara took his. “Oh, but Haku's Japanese! That automatically means that he's super _kawaii_ ~!”

Both Deidara and Lailani grimaced at the girl whose name-badge read 'Suki' despite Lailani knowing full well what her deal was. “[Sarah](http://67.media.tumblr.com/8185b9d412fb6dfa7c4d1faa9a6eaaa1/tumblr_o65mkaTRt11tukoego9_1280.png)!” Lailani snapped, “You're a college student from Washington whose only exposure to Japanese culture besides anime was a Japanese class you got a 'C-' in! Shut up!”

The three of them managed to finish their cigarettes before Haku and his entourage made it over. “Oh, Lailani!” Haku clapped his sleeve-covered hands together, resting his cheek upon them with a smile, “So good to see you at another Expo. Especially nice to see that you haven't keeled over and died thanks to your disgusting smoking habit yet!”

Lailani took a deep breath, not wanting to cause a scene and bring any negative attention to herself or the company she worked for.

Haku moved on to Sarah. “Oh, Sarah~! You managed to fit through your front door and make it to the Expo! I can't say much for your outfit though...”

Anyone could have seen the hurt look in Sarah's eyes, but she tried to brush it off with a happy chirp of “Arigatou!”

Finally Haku stopped in front of Deidara. The blonde beat him to the punch, greeting, “Hello Haku.”

“Hi _DeeDee_.” Haku replied, hiding his smirk behind one of his large sleeves. “So you finally made it to the big leagues. Good for you. Are you still fucking lollipops on camera for horny fifty year-olds?”

Deidara's nearly choked. He hadn't done the lollipop trick that often, had he? Anyway, he gave his own response,

“Oh, but weren't _you_ the one who let yourself get fucked by your boyfriend's dog on your anniversary stream? I'd think that would be a lot more to _clean up_ than some sugar-syrup.”

A wave of gasps and murmurs rushed through Haku's entourage as he tried to hide his flinch. “Are you sure you don't need to grab a seat, DeeDee?” He offered through a smile, “After all, this really is more of a... _younger_ person's game. You wouldn't want to get winded.”

“You fucking--” Deidara cut himself off before he said something he would regret. “Well, I mean, with age comes wisdom, likability, _experience_. Oh, but with all the floundering about you do on camera in the name of being 'cute', you wouldn't know anything about that, would you?”

Haku grit his teeth, trying not to mess up his makeup. “I will _slaughter_ you.” He whispered, Deidara whispering back as both men moved closer to each other,

“I'd like to see you try it, shortie!”

Before they could come to blows, both of their hands were seized by Haku's bodyguard: a man who had a similar build but lighter complexion than _Kisame_ of all people.

“Zabuza-san!” Haku gasped, trying to regain his composure, “Is everything okay?”

The larger man let go of both men, folding his arms, “I'd really rather you _didn't_ get into a fight with someone who's not worth it.”

“Not worth it?!” Deidara shouted, quickly trying to calm himself down. “I mean, y-yes, we wouldn't want to make a scene.”

Now, Kisame had been watching and laughing at the whole fiasco, much to Itachi's displeasure. However, when this Zabuza figure stepped up, his whole demeanor fell. “Oh, there's no _fucking_ way.”

“Kisame?” Itachi reached out for the man who was already halfway to the crowd. When Kisame got close enough, he wrapped an arm around Zabuza and put on a show-worthy grin.

“Cousin Zabuza! Of all places, I never thought I'd see you here. How are you?”

Zabuza looked as though he had seen a ghost. He obviously looked uncomfortable as he was led away by the other man, both Haku and Deidara following; the prior wanting to know what was going on. “Kisame, you... Look well.”

Kisame kept up his grin, shaking his head, “Yeah, I bet no one in the family thought that would happen. So, how's grandma? Oh, _wait_!” He chuckled, “You guys wouldn't let me come to the funeral to say my final farewells, I remember now! Something about how 'since I was working as a stripper, I'd be better off dead'?”

“Do you _blame us_?!” Zabuza grit out, shaking Kisame's arm away from him. “How do you think you taking your clothes off on stage for money reflected on all of us?!”

Kisame looked Zabuza over, folding his arms. “But you being the bodyguard of little Ms. Camwhore over there is a _shining_ example? Zabuza, just admit you're a fucking hypocrite, for Christ's sake.”

“This is..!” Zabuza began, biting his bottom lip. “This is different.”

The words 'no it isn't, you fucker' could be heard under Kisame's breath. Kisame began to walk away, Deidara starting to follow him. However, it was when Kisame looked over towards Itachi that something... snapped. He whipped around and, before he could control himself, drew his fist back and cracked it across Zabuza's jaw.

“Zabuza-san!!” Haku shrieked out. Zabuza quickly reoriented himself, sending a punch of his own; both men falling to the ground in a flurry of punches and clipped shouts.

“I was dancing to help pay for grandma's hospital stay, you fucking asshole!!”

“Excuses, excuses! You could have found something else!”

“No! No, I couldn't! WHY DO YOU THINK I STARTED STRIPPING?! Do you _think_ I wanted the first thing I did with my Performance Art Degree was to work at a Strip Club?!”

Itachi had bolted over as soon as the first punch was thrown, now he was desperately trying to help Deidara and Haku pull the two apart before security was called.

What the hell had happened today? Everything was going so smoothly!

* * *

 

Kakuzu made it to the other side of the hotel, noticing that hotel security had given up on trying to hunt down Hidan and his new 'friends'. He was about to do no such thing. He followed the sound of raucous laughter until he found the trio laughing it up on the bottom of a staircase.

“Hidan!” He walked over, “What the _hell_ do you call yourself doing? Do you _want_ to get us kicked out of here?!”

Hidan was busy chugging down at another 'not'-water bottle, so Audrey spoke up, “Wow, talk about 'ancient'! Seriously, how much viagra do you have to chug down to get your wrinkly dick up?”

Hidan snorted, Lillian adding,

“Like, seriously though, do I need to go find your nurse? We wouldn't want you to keel over from a heart-attack or anything.”

That had Hidan and Audrey cackling, Kakuzu feeling a headache coming on. “Don't you two,” He addressed the girls, “Have places to be? _Other_ people to annoy?”

“God, Kakuzu!” Hidan stood up on shaky legs, “You just exist to ruin _everything_ that makes me happy, huh? Sorry girls, I have to go with this old fucker.”

Lillian stood up, “Ugh, gag me. Now we have to go back to work.”

Audrey dug around in her backpack before pulling out two items. One was a flyer for that evening's 'Day One After Party', the other was a smaller bag of the pills they had been popping. She shoved them into Hidan's hands, shrieking out, “And you'd _better_ be there! Sugar Daddy or not, if you fucking miss this! I will literally lay your ass out the next time I see you! Come on Lillian!”

Both girls walked away, trying to find their way to the HunieCam Studio booth. Hidan glared at Kakuzu before shrugging, “Well, come on! Say it! Talk about how I'm 'such a child' or some bullshit like that.”

Kakuzu didn't respond to that. Instead, he snatched away the bag. “Hidan, we've been over this...”

“Fuck you!” Hidan tried reaching for the bag, Kakuzu holding them out of reach, “After what you said, they're making me feel better! And they were a gift from my new friends! Give them back!”

“No.” Kakuzu placed the bag in his pocket, “God only knows how much of whatever they pushed onto you is in your system. Now, we need to get back to the table so we can help pack things up for the day.”

* * *

 

Itachi had told Deidara to head back to the table to tell everyone what had happened. And with Haku more-than-willing and able to bail his boyfriend/security guard out of jail, that just left Itachi sitting outside of the cell where Kisame was being held.

“So.” Itachi began, his expression leaving no room for argument, “Do you care to tell me what the _hell_ happened there? Because I would expect something like this from Hidan or Deidara, _not_ from you.”

Kisame scrubbed his hands down his face. That tone of voice, Itachi would _definitely_ make a good CEO.

“Around when I was finishing my degree in performing arts,” He began, “My grandma got sick. Leukemia was the final diagnosis. My family, we... weren't the most well-off. I was only able to attend school thanks to a Football scholarship. But it had run out by the time I was about to graduate. So my family was desperately trying to scrounge up any and all resources to get her the help she needed. It wasn't enough.” He rested himself against the cold cell wall. “I have to admit, I was pretty desperate. Itachi, if you had _met_ my grandma, you would have loved her from the word 'go'. After my fifth failed job interview, I was approached by someone who said that he could definitely find a job for someone like me.”

He took a breath and released it. “His name was Kabuto. He had just bought into a new 'evening club' venture and he needed a dancer. Not only that, but someone who had the skills to attract and refine any new talent. So, I became head dancer at _Sweet Dream._ And, you know what? The pay was _great_! And I like to think that I'm pretty confident in my body, so teasing a bunch of horny housewives and closeted husbands. So I was able to pay for my grandma's chemo and give her a good last few years. But...” He always hated this part. Even when he went back to the memories on his own time. “ _Someone_ in the family, I don't know _who_ , found out about how I was making money. After that, my family, who I thought were pretty liberal, they lost it. I was 'bringing slander and shame onto our family', 'how dare I do this when grandma is on her death-bed'...”

Kisame laughed, the sound hollow like his smile, “They disowned me. Didn't even let me say goodbye to my grandma when she finally passed. Didn't let me come to the funeral either.”

“Oh Kisame...” Itachi whispered. He couldn't even begin to imagine his family disowning or rejecting him. He couldn't imagine what someone like Kisame had gone through.

“So,” Kisame continued, “To see my cousin, one of the main people to call out my actions as 'wrong', working for the most famous 'trap' in the industry, it brought up _more than a few_ bad memories.”

Itachi was terrible at comforting people, but he had never regretted it until now. He tried his best to offer his own brand of quiet support.

Kisame stood to his feet with a whoop, “Whoo! Unloading all of that is pretty exhausting, ha. But, yeah, we should probably get out of here soon.” Itachi agreed, part of that being motivated by taking down the data from today's sales and marketing, the other part being motivated by wanting to get Kisame back to his smiling, charming self.

The heavy steel doors at the end of the hall opened, a police officer walking in and announcing, “Alright, Hoshigaki, your bail's been posted.”

“By who?” Itachi asked, Kisame already having a feeling.

* * *

 

Candy blinked down at the paperwork that the police secretary had given her to fill out, said secretary close to blowing his brains out. “ _Please_...” He pleaded, “Just... fill out the form.”

Candy pouted, “But _you_ said to sign on the dotted line. I'm trying my best but the white spaces in between the lines are too tiny!”

The secretary groaned, slamming his face against his desk.

Kisame and Itachi stepped out from the back, Candy scribbling something down in favor of rushing over to Kisame and jumping into his arms: both of them falling to the floor.

Itachi tried to ignore the close contact between the two, he had a bigger matter to attend to. For, standing at the desk and smirking up a storm, was Candy's manager: Kyu Sugardust herself.

“Well, well, well... It's a small world after all.”

Itachi slightly bowed, courtesy moving him, “Thank you for bailing Kisame out.”

“Tch, as if.” Kyu laughed, “No, you need to go thank my big-boobed wonder over there.”

“Candy?” Itachi turned back to see Kisame standing up and helping Candy to her feet as he signed the paperwork. “How much money does she _make_?”

“Enough so that 2,000 bucks in bail money is little more than the blink of an eye. But, tell me...” She looked over at Kisame. “Is that the famous Caribbean Blue? Because, let me tell ya... I usually only go for hot chicks, but that ass is _definitely_ making me reconsider my bisexuality.”

And _now_ Itachi wanted to do nothing more than get out of there as soon as possible. When the two former exotic dancers walked back over, Kisame was about to say his goodbyes for the evening when Candy piped up, “You're coming to the Day One After-Party, right?”

Kisame had to turn to Itachi, a silent 'please?' in his eyes as he asked, “Are we?”

Itachi wanted to say no. He _needed_ to say no. All he had to do was say--

“We'll see how the others are feeling after packing things up for the day.”

Damn it, why didn't his brain _work_ when Kisame was around?!

* * *

 

Of _course_ everyone wanted to go. They had been anticipating some hard partying since they got their expo badges all those weeks ago. So, after a few hours of relaxing (a lot of the gang deciding to get some _fucking_ sleep with how early Itachi had woken them up), they got showered, dressed, ate something to help soak up any alcohol that would _surely_ be offered, and hopped onto one of the expo-provided party-buses before shuttling down the strip in order to arrive at...

“Holy _shit_!” Deidara, his outfit of the evening downplayed to a leather skirt and matching blue leather jacket. “This is _The Bank_!”

“The _what_?” Sasuke asked, Naruto excitedly jumping on the balls of his feet.

“It's the most mega-bodacious, radical, bitchin', choka, totally epic watering hole this side of 'Stralia!”

Kisame poked in, “He means that it's a _really_ expensive, _really_ awesome night club. Apparently, AEE rents it out for one night to say 'thanks' to all of the actors, cameramen, and managers.”

Itachi almost felt under-dressed in his red silk dress shirt and black slacks. But he wasn't really that much of a club-goer and he hadn't thought that he would have to accompany the others to any such excursions.

Their turn at the door soon came up. The bouncer inspected all of their badges one at a time but when he got to Itachi's, he blocked off the doorway that the others had gone through and pointed him towards the staircase that led to one of the higher levels of the club. “Managers sit up top.”

“I beg your _pardon_?” Itachi asked, already being shoved towards said staircase. “Those are my employees you're separating me from!”

The others had already gone inside, Itachi beginning to panic before his phone vibrated in his pocket.

'Aniki, don't worry. They apparently do this so managers can have some relaxation time away from their teams. Have fun.'

Itachi didn't really feel like he would be having too much 'fun' by himself. Wait. Managers went up top... Damn it, he would probably have to end up enduring Kyu again!

* * *

 

So many lights, glowing from the floor and reflecting off of the crystals hanging from the ceiling. Music was already thrumming and jumping as well, people dancing, conversing, drinking... There was a party waiting to be enjoyed and everyone made a firm, silent vow to enjoy it to the fullest.

“There you are!!”

Hidan, who had completely sobered up by this time, looked over to see Audrey stomping over to him. She grabbed him by the arm, “You're fucking late. But for _you_ , I'll forgive it. Anyway, me and Lillian have a few lines already set up along with booze. Come _on_!”

Lines? Hidan was almost drooling. “Fuck _me_ , it's been _so_ long since I've had any _Pearl_...”

“Hidan!” Kakuzu had no choice but to go after his partner, mostly to make sure he didn't OD on anything. Damn it, this trip had been a terrible idea! Everything that he had worked so hard to teach and show Hidan had successfully gone out with the bath water. _Including_ his clean-slate!

Kisame looked back at the rest of his co-workers. “Guess we're splitting up?”

* * *

 

Everyone agreed to do their best to meet back at the staircase that Itachi had been ushered up to when it was time to call it a night. Sasuke and Naruto had made it to a table in the area of the club that was unofficially carted off for the 'vanilla/first-timers' crowd and, of course, Sasuke quickly amassed a following.

Naruto didn't mind. It was only aggravating when Sasuke started ignoring him too. “Blue Hawaiian.” He told the bartender, “No ice.”

As his drink was being prepared, Naruto was debating on going to enjoy himself on the dance floor.

“What's shakin', bacon?”

Naruto looked up and the first thing that came to his mind was 'the girl next door'. She filled the stereotype: blonde hair in pig-tails, a school-girl outfit re-purposed into club-attire.

“Ah...” Naruto rested his chin on the bar. “My shubie of a boyfriend went and left me here.”

“Ugh, that _sucks_!” The girl sat next to Naruto, “I know the feeling. My mom and I got here a few minutes ago and as _soon_ as she saw a cute guy, she left me here. Sometimes I get so _mad_ I just want to _scream_!”

“Right?” Naruto sat up, quickly introducing himself, “Name's Naruto.”

“[Tiffany](http://67.media.tumblr.com/f55f1ba2814575dd81ccd6fb0e9ae459/tumblr_o645omWN0V1tukoego8_1280.png).” She replied, tugging on Naruto's arm. “Come on! I know where the arcade this club never wants to admit that they have is!”

* * *

 

When Deidara and Sasori found a couch to sit on, Deidara immediately asked one of the wandering waitresses for a drink (“Rum on the rocks!”). Sasori ordered a gin and tonic and took one of the small sweet delicacies off from the waitress's platter. As soon as she left, Sasori turned to Deidara and asked,

“You're not going to go back to him when we get home, right?”

Deidara rolled his eyes. Sasori was _not_ bringing this up now! Really? “Sasori, can you not?”

“Look, you saw what happened when you just tried to leave town for a few days!” Sasori insisted, “Why aren't you seeing that being with him isn't good for you?!”

Deidara quickly made his retort, “So, what? Do I leave him and then my night in shining armor will just ride on up? Give me money and a stable place to stay? Sasori, it's not my first choice but it's stability!” The waitress returned with their drinks. “Can we just... drop it tonight? _Please_?”

Sasori gripped his glass a little too tightly as he went quiet.

* * *

 

That just left Kisame wandering around the club until he saw familiar pink hair. “Candy!” He hollered out, Candy turning and waving Kisame over.

“You're here! Oh my God, I still can't believe this is happening!”

Kisame sat down in the velvet-lined booth and quickly realized that they weren't alone. But one of the two faces sitting across him and Candy was a sight for sore eyes. “Mettaton! God, it's been forever!”

Mettaton, all five-foot-nine of curves and legs that went on for miles wrapped up pretty like a plate of coconut flan, was reclining back in his seat until he saw Kisame.

“ _Darling_!” He leaned forward, slamming his hands against the table, his coiffure bouncing with every excited movement, “Oh, when Candy told me that you were here at AEE, I didn't believe it! But now, seeing those muscles, that hair, and those _devastating_ thighs, I can completely fall into a _faint_!” He rolled over onto his back, kicking a long leg into the air.

Everyone at the table laughed at Mettaton's antics, Kisame looking at the final face: the bald, unassuming man next to Mettaton.

“Candy...” Kisame whispered, “I thought you said that Saitama was going to be here. All I see is Mettaton and the bald g--”

No sooner had the word 'bald' left Kisame's lips did the man in question reach forward and yank Kisame by the front of his shirt.

“What the hell?! Just because I lose my hair means that you _suddenly_ can't recognize me?!” Kisame tried to get a better look at the man's face. He still couldn't see... Wait. Wait a minute.

“Saitama?”

Saitama let Kisame go, sitting back down with a frown, “Oh, _now_ you know my name. Whatever.”

“Come on, look,” Kisame sat down after straightening himself up, “I'm sorry about that. I should have remembered back in the last weeks of _Sweet Dream_ \--”

“Darlings, _hush_!” Mettaton sat back up, “I will _not_ have any negative memories staining this night! The important part is that we're together again! All four beautiful, handsome, talented faces!”

Kisame couldn't disagree with that. But, now that they were together, what to do..?

“Order a round, of course!” Candy offered.

“Sounds like a plan to me!” Kisame raised his hand to order them a round of drinks when Mettaton eased it down.

“Darling, _please_! Don't bother yourself! I can just call my cute bodyguard Papyrus or Saitama can call his eager-to-please boyfriend Genos. No, what _you_ can do is catch me up on everything that you've been up to these past few years. Come on, gossip for me, darling!”

Kisame shrugged, leaning back while Saitama texted his boyfriend to bring them some drinks, “Not much to say. I've just been working for Velveteen Garden and saving up what little I can from CamShows.”

“I've stumbled on the site a few times.” Saitama yawned, “You guys do pretty good stuff, even if its on a smaller scale.”

Kisame nodded. “Yeah, things kind of blew up when Itachi took over management.”

Candy nudged his shoulder with her own. “Are you two... You know?”

Kisame shook his head, “Actor-Management Embargo.”

Everyone at the table groaned.

Kisame leaned back in his seat, looking at the shimmering crystals dangling from the ceiling. “Things were so much easier with Madara. I wasn't attracted to him, he wasn't attracted to me... With Itachi, there's so much sexual tension with him that I just want it to break already. I'm so _done_.”

'But I don't want to get hurt again.' Those words were left unsaid but heard anyway.

“Master!” That was Genos: blonde hair with an under-cut, piercing amber eyes, and one of his arms having been replaced by a very tactile prosthetic limb. He set the drinks down on the table before dutifully asking Saitama, “Is there anything else I can do for you, Master?”

“Yeah.” Saitama frowned at the growing snickers from his friends, “Finally get it through your head that I'm not your 'Master', I'm your boyfriend.”

Kisame laughed, reaching for one of the glasses. He had missed this. He had missed this a _lot_.

* * *

 

Hidan coughed as he lifted his head from the table, rubbing his nose clean of anything extra. “ _Fuck me_ , it's been forever!”

“Scoot over,” Lillian nudged Hidan over so she could set her own straw over the white powder on the mirror resting on the table in between their little trio.

“Yeah, I've got _all_ the best shit for getting fucked up.” Audrey bragged, twirling her own silver straw, “Stick with me and you'll _never_ have a dull moment!”

Watching them from a table away, Kakuzu sighed and pulled out his book of math problems. If he was going to be watching over Hidan, he may as well not let his brain go to rot. He brought out his pen, deciding to go right into long-division formulas. “Add 352...” He muttered to himself, “Divide by 16...”

“You're about to have a really high carry-over there, sweetheart.”

Kakuzu looked over his shoulder to see a woman, around his age, with brown hair tied back in a messy pony-tail and square-rimmed glasses obscuring playful eyes. “I beg your pardon?” Kakuzu asked.

The woman sat down next to him, handing over a business card, “The name's [Brooke](http://66.media.tumblr.com/a6f0357c8d400bb17d9c377575479e7c/tumblr_o65mkaTRt11tukoego1_1280.png). Part-time Camgirl, full-time mom and real estate agent. But, uh,” She moved in close, whispering, “Let's just keep that last part between us? Anyway,” She took a pen from her breast pocket and started writing out needed digits for the problem Kakuzu was doing. “You just need to carry the one, add in 30, and divide by two-point-five! Voila!”

Kakuzu worked through the chicken-scratch and, sure enough, it was right. “So, you know your numbers.” He set the book back in his briefcase and pulled out something larger. “How are you with 401Ks?”

Brooke smirked, “Ooh, what _fun_!”

* * *

 

“What else would you like?” A waitress asked as she picked up Itachi's third empty glass. Never before had Itachi hated his high alcohol-tolerance.

“Whiskey-Sour on ice.” When the waitress walked away, Itachi was left to deal with Kyu leering at him.

“Hey.” Kyu poked at him, “You-You know what you should do? You should go fuck your blue-haired Mandingo friend over there.”

“Oh my _God_...” Itachi did _not_ just hear that. “I refuse to take advantage of an employee like that. Unlike _you._ On another note: you're a little bit racist, you know that?”

“What can I say?” Kyu snickered, “I _love_ me some cho-co-late. I have a _huge_ case of Yellow Fever, too...”

Itachi hoped that everyone was having more fun than he was. He looked over the balcony and saw Kisame laughing it up at a table with Candy and two other odd characters. Kisame had never looked happier in all the time Itachi had known him beyond the screen of his laptop. But, wait. The four of them got up from their table and proceeded to walk to the DJ booth. The leggy flamboyant one leaned over and said something to one of the Djs, who sheepishly nodded; prompting the group to walk backstage behind the large stage that had been resting empty the entire night.

“Where are they going?” He asked, Kyu shrugging,

“I'unno, maybe they're having an orgy.”

It was another half-hour of Itachi worrying before one of the Djs, the male with the over sized hoodie, spoke into the mic,

“U-um, excuse me? Y-yes, tonight we have some, um... special entertainment for everyone. So, please, give a round of, um... applause for my cousin Mettaton and his friends. Th-thank you.”

* * *

 

So, three things happened after that. Each of them fairly similar in their own way. Everyone at _The Bank_ was treated to three scandalous pole-dance routines. Mettaton went first, his music bombastic and his fans ravenous with every piece of sparkly clothing he stripped out of.

Next was Saitama. His routine was a bit more subdued, but his muscle structure was the stuff dreams were made of. His poor boyfriend collapsed by the time his pants had been carelessly tossed aside.

Candy, despite being more top-heavy than a parking-meter, proved to be sinfully flexible with her body. The way she flipped herself both on the ground and on the pole was mesmerizing.

But, of course, process of elimination dictated that Kisame would be up next.

“Maybe... Maybe it will be someone completely different?” Itachi struggled to change the eventual outcome of things through the power of stone-faced denial. “For all we know, Kisame could be in the bathroom or taking a phone call, or even--”

“Getting ready to get on stage and make every horny perv in here blow a load in their pants?” Kyu teased, “Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's that last one, too.”

“Ladies and gentlemen.” The female DJ with the insane hair spoke into the mic while her co-worker worked on finding the needed track. “Presenting, for your viewing pleasure, the one... The only... _Caribbean Blue_!”

The lights in the nightclub dimmed a bit, several small spotlights flickering to life on stage and shining on the man dressed in a leather jacket, tight black pants, and a trilby flattening his unruly hair. He had his back to the audience; waiting.

It had been a while. He needed to get himself back in 'the zone'.

The introductory trumpets of the [reggae-infused beat](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r2LpOUwca94) had Kisame spinning around, stopping in a leaning pose. He slowly moved back up to a smoldering, saunter: grabbing the pole and spinning around it. Eventually stopping and, oh, a man shouldn't be allowed to thrust his hips in public like that. Those moves were downright illegal.

Despite his feet being clad in combat boots, he glided across the stage and between each motion. He rolled his body, knowing just how to get people looking at his best assets: the tightness of the pants were just a bonus.

When he floated down to his knees, he rocked his hips up towards the audience before ripping off his jacket: tossing it into the crowd and jumping up to hop right back onto the pole.

With the lights causing his pecs and thick arms to shine, he lifted himself up higher and gently swung himself around: easing himself back down to the ground in a languorous roll of his hips.

'Keep your eyes _above_ his crotch, Itachi...' Itachi tried to berate himself, despite his eyes following Kisame's hands as they brazenly cupped at his crotch. Oh, and did Itachi mention his abs? A perfect six-pack that followed those sinful movements. No, no. Itachi could survive this.

He had been watching Kisame's shows for the past few years, he could survive--

Kisame pulled off his pants, the fabric being held together by Velcro patches, leaving himself in only a black leather thong.

Itachi's glass cracked in his hand. He gently eased it down, speaking calmly and elegantly, “Well then. I am going to go to the restroom and, ahem, _clean up_. Kyu, will you watch my seat?”

“I dunno...” Kyu didn't turn away from the show, “I could watch your boring empty chair, _or_ I could watch your Mandingo friend shake his ass for a while longer. I even happen to have some dollar bills handy...”

Itachi had left by the time the term 'Mandingo' was used again. Before he got to the bathroom, though, he sent a mass-text to his employees and his brother for them all to meet him near the entrance to _The Bank_.

Meanwhile, Kyu hummed and ordered another drink. “They're going to end up fucking by the end of the night.”

* * *

 

Thus, Itachi stood in front of all of his employees: Deidara was carrying Sasori on his back, the latter more than a little buzzed, Sasuke and Naruto were glaring at each other, and Kakuzu was trying to hold a dazed Hidan on his feet so he wouldn't keel over.

“So!” Itachi clapped his hands together, his expression more than a little strained. “Did we all have _fun_ tonight?”

Deidara looked back at Sasori and sighed, “Sasori got drunker than Lindsey Lohan at Oktoberfest. Not to mention he has a stomachache from too many sweets.”

“Aw,” Itachi smiled, “Isn't that great?”

“This big bozo here totally crashed my fun time!” Naruto snapped in Sasuke's direction, Sasuke replying,

“More like this _idiot_ decided to leave me to go make out with some goody-two-shoes CoEd!”

“Aw,” Itachi smiled, “Isn't that great?”

Kakuzu hefted Hidan up again. “I'm going to have to stay with Hidan all night to make sure he doesn't end up choking on his own vomit. But I _did_ manage to meet someone who will help me balance my stock portfolio next year.”

“Aw,” Itachi smiled, “Isn't that great? Do you all want to know how _I_ spent this evening?” He kept up his smile as he went into detail. “I... had to drink half my _weight_ in alcohol in order to tolerate the succubus that is HunieCam Studios' manager. _And_ I managed to come in my pants due to the object of my fantasies getting on stage and practically having sex with the air in the name of 'dancing'. So, we're going home now!” He looked around, “Where the _hell_ is Kisame?!”

* * *

 

Kisame had managed to catch up to everyone just in time, having to steal away from some new fans. One look at everyone, though, and he was a little happier that he had spent all night with his friends.

In the hotel suite, Itachi had just come back from uploading some of the day's pictures to the website. He looked around the main room to see everyone sitting with plates, Kisame about to cut into the pie he had bought earlier.

He shook his head, chuckling, “You guys weren't going to share?” He couldn't really stay mad when there were sweets available. And it seemed like everyone had recovered from the train-wreck of a night.

Kisame wasn't sure what to make of that. _Surely_ Itachi knew what kind of pie this was? But... If he wanted some, he wasn't going to deny him and make things more awkward than earlier.

“Of course not!” He handed Itachi a plate, “Come on, have a seat while I cut into this bad boy.” Kisame had to look over at Kakuzu who was too busy taking care of Hidan to chastise his interactions with their manager. Kisame quickly cut a slice for everyone, handing everyone forks and licking the knife he had used to serve the pie before announcing, “Dig in everybody!”

Itachi cut off a small bit of the pie with his fork and stuck it between his lips, immediately moaning at the taste. The sweet earthy cinammon, the smooth creamy butterscotch... The texture melted over his tongue and the flavors stuck fast to his teeth with each bite. “It's delicious.”

“Right?” Kisame grinned, already halfway done with his piece. Things would probably start kicking in soon.

Itachi had almost finished his slice of pie when he felt... something. Something warm, like rich honey rubbing down his throat and spreading throughout his body. “Oh...” He panted out, feeling a bit flushed. He looked around to see Hidan tugging Kakuzu into their room, Kakuzu not even waiting until the door until he forced his mouth upon Hidan's and began roughly removing their clothing.

“'Ssuke?” That brought Itachi's attention to his brother and his boyfriend, Naruto panting and trying to tug Sasuke down with him on the floor. “I'm sorry... about t'night, okay?”

Sasuke merely hummed his own apology, sinking down with Naruto until the blonde pinned his boyfriend underneath him: covering his lips with his own sticky pair.

Kisame finished his own slice, whistling as he felt a wave of heat fall upon him like a punch to the gut. “I guess you aren't supposed to eat one of these with alcohol. _Fuuck..._ ” He stood up and removed his shirt, Itachi deciding that nothing in the world looked more welcoming than the other man's body.

Why was he so insistent on keeping away from him, again? He was more than certain that Kisame's muscles would be _amazing_ for holding him down for a hard, fast fuck. In fact, Kyu's advice seemed _really_ good right then as he finished off his slice of pie: licking and sucking the fork for the last sweet taste.

“Hey...” Kisame asked, his own sense of judgment clearer than it had been for the past month. “How far down do you think you could get that?”

Itachi blinked up at Kisame, his expression a bit dopey. “Mm... I wouldn't want to risk anything with a _fork_... But I think that _you_ have something that I could _practice_ on.”

Kisame barked out a laugh, calming down long enough to say, “You know what? I'm pretty fucking rank from that dance at the club.”

“That _amazing_ dance...” Itachi stood up, his legs a bit shaky. He stepped forward a bit until he tripped on Sasuke's leg, falling against Kisame's chest. “Oh my _God_ ,” He took a deep breath, the scent of sweat, cologne, and Kisame's own natural smell, filling his senses. “You would make the most _amazing_ pillow...”

Kisame eased Itachi away, stepping around the couch that Sasori and Deidara were currently getting hot and heavy on. “You know what? I'm going to catch a quick shower.”

Itachi followed Kisame with his eyes until the other man disappeared into the bathroom. But, then again...

He hadn't closed the door behind him.

* * *

 

Wisps of steam billowed out from underneath the bathroom door, unnoticed by everyone else in the hotel suite. Inside, Kisame tossed his head back as he leaned against the shower wall: hot water sluicing down his body, as well as the body currently kneeling between his legs.

“Fuck...” He grit out, “What the hell did you need _practice_ for?”

Itachi, despite his hair sticking fast to his forehead and body from the hot water and his mouth full of Kisame's thick cock, looked up when he heard the other man speak. He pulled back, just to go deeper; bracing himself via his hands splayed out on those thick thighs.

He had been wanting to do this for _so long_. Ever since the first time he had watched one of Kisame's shows. But imagining versus the texture of the salty-sweet flesh on his tongue... The way that he choked when he went too far down, underestimating just how _much_ of Kisame there was... It was far better than he had ever imagined. He was hard and leaking, precum being washed down his red, erect dick and down the drain.

“I'm going to shoot...” Kisame grit out, “Wh-where do you want it?”

Itachi pulled off, licking around the angry tip and panting out, “Anywhere... you'll give it to me.”

He was admittedly shocked when Kisame forced his head down, his dick twitching in the slick heat of Itachi's mouth and throat before Itachi found his mouth full with thick, sticky ropes of cum. He was determined to stay down, to drink everything that Kisame had to offer, but he he was forced to come up for air: the last bits hitting his chin and cheeks.

* * *

 

Why had he waited so long for this? Itachi was currently laid out in Kisame's bed, his own hands tangled up in his long wet locks of hair, his legs twitching as his entire lower half was going numb and hot; legs twitching as Kisame was eating him out like Yogi-fucking-Bear at some college twink picnic. He didn't even bother hiding his moans as Kisame's lips and tongue did things that were beyond anything Itachi had seen him do on camera.

“God, I'm...” Itachi reached down, stroking at his cock as the fires were stoked, the flames burning brighter. “I'm close... Come on, keep going, keep--”

He didn't even get to finish his words, his voice trailing off into a short cry as his release struck him: his dick spilling onto his tensed stomach.

When Itachi's thighs weren't clutching down on him like a vice, Kisame removed himself. He licked and kissed all the way up to Itachi's stomach, licking up the crème staining fair skin.

Itachi whimpered with every slight touch. His body was sensitive from his orgasm but he still felt himself ready and willing to go...

* * *

 

By 6:15 the next morning, the sun was rising over the Vegas Strip. All the clubs had closed down for the day and the casinos were swapping out night shifters for daytime employees.

When the sun began to peek through the curtains, Itachi groaned as he felt the intrusive heat on his person. But he knew he had to wake up, the snoring next to him was unbearable.

…

Itachi shot up in bed, his hair a mess and hickeys down his neck. He looked around, not recognizing the room he was in. When he heard the snoring again, his eyes went wide and he looked to his side. “Please, please, _please_...” He begged to any deity who would hear him. He lifted the sheet, seeing Kisame's handsome face lost in dreamland. “No..!” Itachi groaned, shoving his face into his palms.

 

“ _At the end of the day, kid, we're just pimps under a different title.”_

* * *

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I initially wanted to type up a scene with Kisa and company dancing to 'ManiCure' by Lady GaGa. But I decided that other parts were more important. Also, sorry for abusing hyperlinks in this chapter. The art for the HunieCam Studio girls is just too good to muddy up with my terrible descriptions. 
> 
> Anyway... Looks like shit hit the fan... What will happen next time?... I'unno. But comments and feedback both here and on tumblr help TONS. Thank you all for reading! Happy KisaIta Week! Grandma loves all of you~!


	6. Talk to Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're at the end, folks!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A brief glance at this chapter will tell you that I was trying to resolve as many things positively as possible. Because, you guys have to realize: this isn't Rapacious or that Pokemon AU fic that I'm going to start after this in honor of Pokemon: Sun and Moon being released... I just want you guys happy, especially after staying with me and supporting me for so long.
> 
> ... Which is also why I'm going to, eventually, upload that Kisa/Hida/Kaku scene that I cut for length as its own special chapter for you guys. With all that said... Let's get through this together.
> 
> Also: time jumps around a bit in this chapter. Mostly because any fluff that needed to happen has already happened and I'd rather just write what is important for character resolution here.

* * *

 

 

 _'_ _Please keep your bags with you at all times. Unattended luggage will be interpreted as a security threat. The food court is currently open...'_

The automated voice of the Passenger Information System chimed throughout the entirety of McCarren International. The hallways were filled to bursting with exhausted businessmen, drunken newlyweds, and the more-than-occasional fraternity or sorority crew landing into town for some good times.

Itachi rushed in, followed by his hodgepodge group of employees.

Of course, one of them was missing in action.

“Damn it...” He whispered, frantic in his searching around the area. Where did he go? He couldn't have left yet!

“We'll split up and search the different terminals.” Kakuzu offered, divvying everyone up in his mind. “We need to hurry up before any of these flights start boarding.”

“Alright,” Sasori nodded, “Everyone take a terminal. We all have our phones on us so, as soon as one of us finds him we should call to let everyone know.”

They all nodded before Deidara sighed, resting his cheek against his palm, “God, I hope he's okay.”

“I just hope we can find him in time.” Naruto added, Itachi unable to hide how much everything occurring was lancing at him.

They all broke apart and separated, Itachi taking the terminal they had entered in. Though, before he really began searching, he had to make a phone call.

* * *

 

Well, now Madara was painfully, agonizingly bored.

Hashirama had been taken this way and that across the hospital to tend to the the heavy load of patients who had been admitted over the past few days.

Madara wasn't naive enough to think that he could keep the doctor's attention to himself indefinitely. Especially when it seemed like his attempts at flirting, which were _top-tier_ , thank you very much, were being ignored.

Madara rolled onto his side, sighing, “What does a man have to do to get his boots knocked around here?” He couldn't even watch _porn_ here; you never knew when a nosy nurse would barge in.

His phone buzzed underneath his pillow, Madara groaning; already knowing who it was.

“Yes Itachi?”

“...” The line was silent at first, the sound of passersby being the only hint for Madara knowing that the line was actually being used.

“Itachi, come on,” Madara sat up, concern tickling his throat, “What happened?”

Itachi let out a shaky, wavering breath. “... I messed up.”

Had his nephew ever sounded so... pitiful before? No, no... Madara didn't like this. “Itachi, mind your breathing. What happened? And, no business terms, just _tell_ me. _Please_.”

Itachi forced himself to speak, Madara already telling that he was busy; panicking, searching.

“...”

“Kisame quit.”

* * *

 

 _And it's all my fault_.

* * *

 

Everything had started out so simply. There was the day after the chaotic Day 1 of the Expo. And, yes, there were some... occurrences...

* * *

 

“Easy out...”

Kakuzu sighed, holding Hidan steady as his lover emptied out the contents of his stomach into the porcelain toilet.

“Fuck...” Hidan's groans were as pitiful as he looked: his eyes glassy and his forehead damp with sweat.

Kakuzu could have said 'I told you so'. He could have said 'this is what happens when you don't listen to me' or even 'why can't you just grow up?'

But he didn't.

“Is it all out?” Kakuzu asked, Hidan coughing back,

“Kind of. I guess? Jashin, I feel like shit...”

“Well, that's what happens when you spend the night acting like a --” Kakuzu found himself cut off by the shower starting, Hidan tossing his clothes aside and stepping in. “Kid.” Kakuzu finished off.

* * *

 

Whenever he was in a bed that wasn't his own, Sasuke was a lighter sleeper. Right now, he was watching Naruto sleep. It was amazing that the blonde had yet to awaken, even with everything that went down last night.

After all, Naruto wasn't the one who would be limping from the pain in his ass today.

“Starin' at people when they sleep is fucking creepy, you know...” Naruto murmured, trying to push Sasuke away, “Creeper-creep. That's you.”

“Shut the hell up.” Sasuke pulled Naruto closer so he could kiss his forehead. “Hope you enjoyed last night. You aren't topping again for at _least_ a week.”

* * *

 

Deidara stepped out of the bathroom, face freshly washed from the lingering remnants of lube and cum from the previous night. “I... am _so_ fucked.”

“Why thank you.” Sasori quipped back, scrolling through the itinerary of activities that the expo offered that day.

“No!” Deidara snapped, “No, you idiot! If Tom finds out that I slept with you I'm _ruined_!”

Sasori scoffed at that, tossing his phone besides him on the bed. He hefted himself to the side of the bed where his prosthetic leg was leaning and proceeded to go through the motions of putting it on. “I still can't believe you haven't told him about your career choices.”

“Oh, don't you start!” Deidara sat next to Sasori, “You know I like you. And you're fun, but I can't risk being put out after so long.”

“Or...” Sasori offered, “Maybe you could learn better spending habits so you can rent an apartment of your ow--”

“La la la la,” Deidara jumped up, covering his ears, “Can't hear you. Stop talking!” Sasori didn't even know why he tried anymore.

* * *

 

Silent as the dead, Itachi closed the door behind him and proceeded to fall into a brand new bout of panicking. His heart beat against his chest like a prisoner on Death Row. Why? Why the _fuck_ had he slept with Kisame? The first rule of business management was to _never_ get intimately involved with your employees and Itachi had completely forgone that in favor of a quickie?

“I mean,” He groaned to himself, “It was a nice quickie. I guess. I mean, no one ever writes home to say 'Oh, I had the best _quickie_ of my life today'. Oh _God_...”

Well... Well, perhaps he could just get through the rest of the expo without bringing up what happened. They would do some more promoting, enjoy the rest of the festivities, learn more industry tricks... And then go home without anything changing.

“Oh _God_ , I hope so.” He whispered. It had to work. Because, as wrong as what he had done with Kisame was... He was having a hard time forcing himself to truly regret it.

* * *

 

“Hey...”

Kakuzu looked up from his phone to see Kisame walking over. All around them were the sounds of booths and excited commentary regarding all of the competitive events that were due to happen that day.

“Yes?”

“Has Itachi been... _avoiding_ me?” Kisame asked, “I've been trying to talk to him but ever since the first night of the Expo he's been kind of brushing me off.”

Kakuzu sighed, sending a quick text to Brooke ('Let me call you in ten or so minutes about that book recommendation.') and one to Hidan ('Hidan, I swear to GOD if you're with that drugged-up redhead again...'). “Kisame, what happened that night? And I mean _after_ all of us ate that pie.”

Kisame hummed, “Well, you know... We _did_ get kind of hot and heavy. And, let me tell you,” He chuckled, the memory of that night fresh in his mind, “Best BJ of my life. Hands down. Told you he was a freak.”

“Damn it, Kisame!” Kakuzu snapped out, “'We don't fuck the management'! After all the times we've gone over this, how did you let it fly over your head like this?!”

“Kakuzu, it's fine,” Kisame waved off the older man's urgent words, “I'm sure that Itachi's just being a bit shy after the excitement of the first day. Besides, he likes me. I'm sure of it.”

Kakuzu was not convinced. “Didn't your _last_ boyfriend 'like you' like that too?”

“Oka-a-ay, Kakuzu...” Kisame forced out a laugh, patting Kakuzu on the shoulder, “Thank you for your insight. Anyway, tell me...” He stepped back and turned around, showing off the new, red leather harness he was dressed in. “Does this harness show off my best assets? Candy asked me to do a favor for a friend of hers to model this thing out and I at _least_ want to make sure it looks good.”

“Yes, Kisame,” Kakuzu replied in a monotonous frame of speech, “You're the epitome of college-aged wet dreams everywhere.”

“Awesome!” Kisame laughed, “Now, come on, I want to see if the oil-wrestling contest is open-entry.”

* * *

 

Let's decide on what constitutes as a date. Perhaps it can be something as simple as walking around a convention floor trying to keep the object of your affections interested in you as a person. While trying to show them that they themselves deserve the world.

Sasori found himself wondering if Deidara would _ever_ realize that he deserved better than what he was subjecting himself to for the sake of a stable allowance and place to call home.

“Oh!” Deidara stopped mid-step when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He winced but recovered into a sweet smile when he read the caller-ID. “H-hi Tom.”

Sasori folded his arms and waited. Waited for Deidara to placate the douche on the other line. He could already hear the snapping and grumbling from where he stood.

“Tom, I told you,” Deidara sighed, “I'm in Vegas for at least another two days... No, I can't just ' _leave now_ ', I'm here for work!” He pulled the phone away from his ear when Tom started yelling, immediately pressing it back, “I'm sorry. I'm sorry..! Look, just wait a few more days and... I promise, I'll come back as soon as possible, just--”

His face went pale as he listened in on the line.

Sasori mouthed out, 'What's going on?'

But Deidara didn't respond. Not immediately. He gingerly nodded his head, his voice meek... So unnaturally meek. “Okay. I...” He swallowed, “Okay then.” He hung up. At first, he just stood there.

“Deidara, what the hell happened?” Sasori asked, not in the mood for any semantics. His response was Deidara choking out a loaded sob and collapsing to his knees.

“He threw me _out_!” Deidara sobbed, his breathing barely able to keep up as he dissolved into hysterics. “H-he said he was... 'sick of my shit' and he already moved someone else in... Oh, God, Sasori...” He shook his head, eyeliner beginning to run, “All of my stuff's out in the backyard! My clothes, my art books, my projects from school!” Deidara lifted his phone up in shaky hands, his fingers typing across the screen, “M-maybe if I apologize again he'll take me back and put my stuff back in the house!”

Sasori snatched the phone away. Enough was enough. “Deidara, STOP IT!” He looked around, trying to make sure they weren't causing a scene. In order to prevent such an occurrence, he hefted Deidara up and led him to a secluded area in one of the smaller halls. They stopped near a small sofa, Sasori sitting them both down so he could speak.

“Deidara, you _need_ to move on. Tom was an asshole and you _know_ it. This is probably just the universe finally pushing you in the right direction.”

“I can't...” Deidara's voice was a shallow whisper. “I can't support myself, Sasori... I just ca--”

Sasori seized Deidara by his shoulders, blue eyes already tinged in red looking up at him. “Okay, you know what? I am _sick_ of your 'pity-me' bullshit! You are more than physically able, more than monetarily able to live on your own. You just don't want to because of some fucking Daddy-complex?! Deidara, _grow the_ fuck _up_!” Sasori stood up,

“Look at me! I'm a fucking _cripple_ and I don't ask the world to cater to me as much as you do!” He turned away, not wanting to be subjected to the look of betrayal on Deidara's face. But he wasn't saying anything that Deidara didn't need to hear.

“I'm done, okay?” Sasori shook his head, walking off and leaving Deidara alone in the hall.

He needed to come to terms with things on his own. Deidara could only lead a bird to a bath so many times.

* * *

 

“So, like, spill it,” Audrey insisted, tearing into the burger she had ordered, “How much of an allowance does that wrinkly old ball-sack give you?”

Hidan had slipped away from the gang in order to hang out with his two new friends at the food court inside of the hotel. The expo was in its latter moments, tomorrow would be the host of the closing ceremonies. He wanted to spend as much time... Just being free, just being with people like _him_ for what little remaining time as possible.

Hidan sipped at his soda, “The fuck are you going on about?”

Audrey went on, “What kind of sugar-daddy is he?”

“Yeah, you can't expect us to believe you're with him just because you _like_ him.” Lillian insisted, “What kind of stuff does he buy you?”

Hidan snorted, the sound warping into laughter, “You crazy bitches, Kakuzu isn't that type of guy! He's actually my boyfriend. Is that so fucking hard to believe?”

Aubrey paused mid-bite. She set her burger down before jabbing a finger in Hidan's face, “What the _fuck_? You actually _have_ a boyfriend, then. Why are you so shitty?”

“The fuck are you on about?” Hidan was _not_ in the mood to deal with this today. He was already having to deal with constant texts from Kakuzu wondering what he was up to.

Lillian frowned as she saw Audrey's face begin to grow red and twist into rage. Audrey slammed her hands down on the table, shrieking out,

“Do you even _know_ how lucky you are?! To have such a shit personality but find someone who _genuinely_ likes you and isn't _bullshitting_ you about it?! GOD, you're fucking ungrateful!”

“FUCK YOU!” Hidan stood up, snapping right back, “You don't know anything about what the hell I'm going through with that asshole right now! Should I just let some bastard control every aspect of my _fucking_ life just so I won't have to be alone?!”

“Audrey, come on... Drop it...” Lillian tried calming the other woman down, but Audrey finally shouted,

“HAVE YOU TRIED _TALKING TO HIM_ , YOU PIECE OF SHIT?!”

Hidan flinched back. Well, he... But Kakuzu had... And then he...

“Ugh, forget it!” Audrey was tired of this. Oh, she was still angry. She was _always_ angry. But she was tired of trying to get it through this stubborn asshole's head that he had a good thing and he was ruining it thanks to a bullshit lack of communication. She stormed off, Lillian following and leaving Hidan at the table.

He sat there, alone, for several minutes.

Then, he took out his cellphone.

Pressed 'Call' on a familiar icon.

And waited.

“... Hey, Kakuzu.” He gave a slow, steady exhale. “Where are you? … I just... I just want to talk, okay?”

* * *

 

Itachi was busy going through the rooms in the suite to make sure that they wouldn't forget anything when it came to head back home. “How many of these did he manage to bring along?” Itachi huffed when he found a _third_ vibrator buried in the blankets and sheets of the bed in Sasori and Deidara's room.

He supposed it was better than having to pack up the collars and cock-rings in Kakuzu and Hidan's room. Itachi made it back to the main room to think about where to go next. Anyone else would have been satisfied with leaving the room as is for the housekeeping crew to take care of, but he wasn't that much of a dick.

All in all, though, Itachi was _so_ happy to be going home tomorrow. In fact, he was certain that this time at the expo had somewhat desensitized him to all things sexual.

“Well, I guess if I have to work in this field, I can't go around flushing at every attractive ass and set of pecs that come my way.”

“I would hope that you wouldn't.”

Itachi gasped at the sensation of thick, warm arms wrapping around his waist from behind. “So...” Kisame asked, nipping at Itachi's neck. “You've been a little absent these past few days. You feelin' alright?”

Itachi leaned back into the warm, sturdy presence of the man behind him. He could get used to this: coming home to a lover waiting for you with an infectious smile and genuine want and admiration for you, while not being too hard on the eyes and touch either--

No.

Itachi pulled himself away, withdrawing into himself. Kisame reached out a hand towards the other, “Wait, what is it?”

Why did he have to care so much? If it weren't for how they had met, one could have assumed that they were together already. But that could never be.

Kisame's eyes narrowed into a minor glare. “Actually, I've been meaning to talk to you. You've been acting distant since the night after the After-Party.”

Well, this was happening. Sooner than Itachi would have wanted and far beyond the realm of favorable occurrences. But Itachi was a man, a man of business at that. And business came with doing things like this all the time. Even if it meant rejecting the literal man of his dreams.

“Kisame.” Itachi began, “That night we ate a pie filled with questionable substances, I'm sure, and we had fun... Trust me, I had a _lot_ of fun. But...”

Kisame stepped forward, his countenance growing dark, “'But'?”

Itachi bit his lip, finally stating, “We _can't_ let this continue. It wouldn't be right for me to take advantage of--”

“Oh, come the _fuck_ off of it, Itachi! So, _what_?” Kisame shouted, “Are you really about to tell me that you don't feel anything for me? Or is it that I'm not worth your time anymore than a free show and a quickie?!”

Itachi didn't answer. He didn't want to meet Kisame's gaze and say something he would regret either. This was for the best.

Kisame didn't agree. If anything, this was all seeming far too familiar.

“ _Kisame, you need to understand...” Kabuto had said to him in the face of Kisame confronting him. Kabuto had just told his employees that he was selling the property and all facets of Sweet Dream in order to leave the country with his new boyfriend. “What we had...” Kabuto locked up the doors to the club one last time, turning back towards his former employees: Candy sobbing her eyes out, Mettaton holding Saitama back from decking Kabuto across the jaw._

_And of course, the betrayal and hurt showing on Kisame's face as clear as day. But Kabuto merely stepped over and pat him on the cheek. “It was just a little fun between us. Anywho,” He walked off, “Good luck on all of your future endeavors~!”_

* * *

 

 

Kisame grit his teeth and stormed over to the door.

“Wait,” Itachi asked, “Where are you going?”

Kisame's laugh was short and cold. “Like you care? I know your type, Itachi, don't bullshit me.” Kisame stepped out of the door and muttered something right before slamming it on Itachi's face.

* * *

 

There was a special one-day event booth at the Expo. A giant glossy poster advertised 'Relationships in the Porn Industry: [Jessie Maye](http://66.media.tumblr.com/93e22556bd57c96fa49f5902922beb03/tumblr_o645omWN0V1tukoego4_1280.png) Shows Ya How to Make it Work!' Of course, there were quite a few lusty gazes from crowds and onlookers who wanted a peek at the hosting camgirl's... camwoman's finer assets.

“So tell me,” She asked in a low, husky voice where she sat between two chaise lounge chairs, “What seems to be the problem between you two cuties?”

From one of the chairs Sasuke scoffed. “ _He_ decided to play the field when we haven't even been together for a year yet.”

Naruto, in the other chair, rolled his eyes so hard that they should have come out of his skull, “Come off it, you're acting real bit over that still.”

“Sasuke, Sasuke...” Jessie Maye clicked her tongue, “You two are young. Of course the urge to experiment is going to be there. Not only that, but you guys are in an industry that encourages it. I will say, though...” She slowly tugged a pen out from between her voluptuous breasts and jabbed it into Naruto's direction. “You need to talk it over with your boyfriend first. There's _nothing_ wrong with an open relationship as long as both of you are in agreement and you both know what the other one is doing.” Jessie Maye wrote something down, a small hum in her voice, “Especially when one of you decides to sleep with my daughter.”

“Yeah, I guess you're...” Naruto began to agree but he ended up hooked on Jessie Maye's last few words. “Wait, _YOU'RE_ Tiffany's _MOM_?!”

Sasuke looked back at their pseudo-therapist and quipped out, “That explains _so_ much...”

* * *

 

That evening after the expo had died down for the day, only a few late-night panels and booths open, our favorite group of guys returning to their hotel suite with the last remaining remnants of promotional material for _Velveteen Garden_ as well as some last-minute convention swag.

“I'm going to miss this fucking place.” Hidan yawned, leaning into Kakuzu. “Hey, bastard, we need to think about changing the mattresses when we get home. The one in the master bedroom has been fucking _killing_ my back.”

Kakuzu mulled it over. “See, I never would have thought about that. It may brighten up your disposition too.”

“Shut the hell up...” Hidan playfully punched the man in the shoulder, but there was no malice behind it. As much anger as there had been, Audrey was right: Hidan finally told Kakuzu just how much all of his sudden control outside of scenarios was freaking him out and the older man hadn't gotten angry. If anything, he even commented on how Hidan was finally starting to grow up.

Deidara slowly walked behind Sasori, his eyes skimming over the apartment listings on his phone screen.

“They cost so much...” Deidara whispered, swiping an expensive condo away. “I could get five of my dresses with what they're asking per month.”

“Deidara, come on,” Sasori couldn't believe he actually had to explain this, “If you're going to be living on your own and providing for yourself, you have to put things in perspective. What's more important: a light bill or a pair of sapphire Mary Janes?”

Deidara's eyes went wide, his lips wrapping around the words as if he was tasting them, “Oh my _God_ , sapphire Mary Janes would be so _amazing_ though..!”

Sasori shook his head again. He pulled out a sweet roll from his bag and sunk is teeth into it. Geez, this guy was so disconnected from reality.

Far be it from Sasori to take the easy way out of something.

Sasuke was walking along with his hands shoved into his pockets and was managing the look of the 'sulking college student' before Naruto snuck up behind him and laced the fingers of their hands together as they walked.

Kakuzu opened the suite door, everyone filing in to find Itachi sitting in the main room: an empty shot glass in between his fingers and a half-empty bottle of Jack Daniels on the table.

“Aniki, what the hell?” Sasuke groaned, letting go of Naruto's hand and quickly stepping over to his brother. He removed the glass from Itachi's fingers, just to have Itachi stand up and look around at everyone in the room.

“Great! Fucking great!” He chuckled, “All sorts of handsome faces and the _one_ who should get his unreasonable ass back here is still missing!”

Hidan leaned into Deidara's ear long enough to whisper, “Our manager's gotten himself pretty shit-faced, huh?”

Kakuzu looked around the room. He called out Kisame's name just for Itachi to snap out, “He's not here. Called himself upset about me trying to be a decent manager and left. I imagine that he's going to come back before it gets too late, so I wouldn't worry about it.”

“Oh _Jesus_...” Kakuzu rubbed at his temples and began searching through the hotel, far more frantic than his usual demeanor would betray him as able to be.

“Kakuzu, what are you doing?” Itachi tried following on shaky limbs, “He's going to be back any second, I'm telling you.”

Kakuzu turned around, not looking the least bit willing to listen to Itachi's assurances. “And _I'm_ telling _you_ that you two and your soap opera antics have just jumped the ship from 'annoying' to 'actively detrimental'! This is the  _exact_ reason I was trying to keep you two apart!" Before Kakuzu could elaborate, there was a knock at the door. 

"That's probably him now." Itachi scoffed at the man trying to yell him down. Kakuzu followed, watching Itachi open the door to reveal... 

“Hi!” Candy beamed at the two men who had answered the door, “Is Bl – I mean, Kisame around?”

“No.” Kakuzu began to say something else, but Itachi was already frowning up a storm.

“Why are you here, Candy?” He asked with a fold of his arms. Candy tapped a finger against her lower lip, a classic motion of thought until it finally clicked.

“Yeah! I came here to check on Kisame and to tell him that, if his heart is in it, HunieCam Studios is willing to welcome him in with open arms!”

She was cut off by a long leg kicking out in front of her. “So sorry, dear!” Mettaton said, leaning into view, “But if Kisame was going to feel comfortable anywhere, it would be with _me_ at Seductive Monsters!” 

"Or he could go solo." Saitama yawned as he walked in from the right. "He has the star-power for that."

Itachi had had enough, his nerves were already shot from earlier and these two weren't making things any easier. “Why are you two here _now_?! And what are you talking about 'feeling welcome'?”

Candy and Mettaton shared a glance, the latter humming, “Oh, darlings, I don't think he _knows_ yet.”

“Really?” Candy blinked, “You'd think a manager would keep track of things like that...”

“Like what?” Sasuke asked. At this point, Deidara had already taken the proactive role and brought up Kisame's blog on his phone and clicked on the video link that made up the most recent post.

Kisame, from what one could see on the edges of the video that weren't filled by his person, was in a gym. “Hey there sexies...” He waited for two people to pass by before continuing, “So, um... Yeah, this is _really_ sudden but I've come to the conclusion that I need to move on from one phase of my life to the next. Part of that comes with cutting ties to pieces of your past and removing the weight of unnecessary burdens. So, with that...” He chuckled, but if you looked close enough you could see the tremble in his large frame as he spoke the next few words. “I... am resigning from _Velveteen Garden_ as of today.”

“NO!” Kakuzu bayed out, cutting off the rest of whatever the video had to say. “Kisame's our highest earner! Itachi, what the hell did you say to him?!”

Itachi, suddenly sobered up and feeling the weight of the situation crashing in on him.

“ _You're_ the one who said that I should keep things professional!” Itachi insisted, Kakuzu saying,

“But if you guys were going to keep ignoring me, you should have gone all the way rather than copping out!”

Rather than say anything else, Itachi stepped away: his hands in his hair. What had he done? No, no! He had been trying to do the right thing... Just to have it blow up in his face. “Shit!”

“Where could he even be right now?” Hidan asked, looking at the time-stamp of the post. “That was four bloody hours ago, he could be halfway to Texas by now.”

“Not Texas. Maybe New York.”

When Candy said that, all eyes were on her. Her eyes were on her phone, reading the text message that Kisame had sent her and her alone earlier. It had been meant for privacy, but...

“There's a flight that leaves at one AM. You should be able to catch him before then.”

“What are you..?” Itachi stopped, allowing the new information to fully digest. “We need to get to the airport. Now! Let's go, come on!”

Without any hesitation, without even locking up, everyone bolted out of the room: leaving Kisame's friends at the door.

“Darling,” Mettaton asked Candy when the coast was clear, “Why did you tell them that?”

Saitama agreed. "When Kisame texted us, I'm sure he didn't do it because he wanted people chasing him."

Candy took a slow breath. “Because the worst thing that you can do is let someone you love go without saying goodbye.”

* * *

 

“Itachi, you need to find him.” Madara told his nephew, “Whether or not he decides to come back is another thing entirely, but...” He trailed off, Itachi getting the hint.

“I'll call you when I see how things end up.” Itachi hung up the phone and jogged down the terminal, looking this way and that.

There he was; sitting on a bench that faced a balcony and had a clear view of a marquee that showed different airport updates.

Kisame didn't even have any bags with him: just a wallet and a phone. He had his eyes closed, as if he were asleep. Itachi made his way over and sat down next to him.

“Why are you here Itachi?” Kisame eventually asked, looking up a the scrolling marquee.

Itachi let the question float between them for a moment.

_Because Velveteen Garden won't be the same without you._

_The others will never forgive me if you leave._

_Because I'm an idiot._

_Because I love you._

_Because..._

“I'm sorry.” Itachi finally choked out. “I am _so_ sorry.”

Kisame let his gaze slide down to the floor. The tiles there bore the wear of thousands of hasty footsteps. People with hundreds of places to go but nowhere to really be. “Sorry... It's an interesting word, isn't it?”

Itachi discretely moved closer on the bench as Kisame continued. “Lo siento... Je suis desolee... Gomenasai... There are so many ways of saying it. So many tones and inclinations. And even _then_ what you did may not forgivable enough for a simple 'sorry'.”

“Kisame, I--”

Kisame cut Itachi off with a finger in his face.

“Let me continue or I will leave this airport and you will _never_ see me again.”

Itachi did just that.

“There's an odd thing that happens with people in my line of work.” Kisame began, “This... weird sort of dehumanization. The dumb stripper, the greedy sex-worker, the lazy camshow actor... People don't see us the same as they would the barista down the road or the postal worker, they have this odd mix of reverence... and pity. Hell, look at you.” Kisame turned to face Itachi, “Even throughout your time working as the manager of _Velveteen Garden_ , you've been walking on eggshells with me, yet you think that I'm somehow not stable or intelligent enough to handle a relationship while working in the field I do? Itachi, do you _not_ see how fucking _frustrating_ that is?”

“Kisame, I don't blame the pie or me watching you before I started working for my uncle!” Itachi scrubbed his hands down his face, “I _want_ a relationship. Oh _God_ , how I want to be able to... to look at house listings with someone and bicker over things like kitchen space versus location. I want to watch terrible movies and provide obnoxious commentary. I want to be able to come home from work and have someone there to say 'Hey, you seem tired. I made dinner for you'. And you are the ideal person I would want to have that with, not just based on your looks but based on what makes you _you_! I just... I just want to be with you without me being a manager and you being Caribbean Blue.”

Both of them went silent after that. Kisame looked at the scrolling marquee again, texting a message.

_'Why did you tell him where I was?'_

A minute. A heartbeat.

_'Because you love him, Blue. And he loves you.'_

“Hey!” Both men looked down over the balcony to see Kyu shouting up at them via a sparkly pink megaphone, “Not for nothing, but I wonder you if you two have noticed that it's _well_ past the time the big blue Mandingo's plane was supposed to leave! Now, it doesn't matter to me or whatever, but could you guys move it along? Not too sure how much longer my girls can keep the pilots occupied, ya know what I'm sayin'?”

Itachi quirked an eyebrow, looking to Kisame. “You've known this entire time, haven't you?”

“I was trying to see if you would apologize.” Kisame nodded, “And to see if I could forgive you. Not only that, but to see if I had the energy to go through this again. Itachi, I really like you but I can't go back with you unless I know that you can see me outside of the whole _porn_ thing. You underst--”

Kisame found himself with a lap full of suddenly affectionate Camshow manager: Itachi pressing their lips together and curling his fingers into that coarse, beautiful cobalt hair.

“Fucking _finally_.” Kyu huffed before turning back to all of the people from the expo who had come along to see this little soap opera play out; some of them making bets on the outcome, some of them hopeful managers trying to recruit a new star if things went belly-up.

As one could see, though... Kisame wasn't going anywhere.

* * *

 

The next morning, Madara had just finished reading the last of Itachi's messages. Everything was back to normal. Well, as normal as his nephew getting into, destroying, and rebuilding a relationship with a pseudo-porn star could be seen as.

He was all healed up, able to stand and walk as much as he pleased without agitating his symptoms. And, you know what? He was ready to face God and walk backwards into hell regarding the object of his current affection. All he had to do was wait.

“Well, Mr. Uchiha...” Hashirama announced as he stepped into Madara's room, “Looks like you have officially been labeled with a clean bill of health. I'll be the first to congratulate you--”

“Listen here, bub!” Madara stood up and jabbed a finger into the well-sculpted chest in front of him. “Geez, you are a living wet dream, aren't you? Anyway, I have something to say to you!”

Hashirama opened his mouth to speak, but Madara went on, “I have been throwing myself at you since I got here and, you know what? I've learned something from having my nephew run my camshow business while I've been in here. Sometimes you just have to communicate in order to get what you want. So now...” He grinned, “I'm going to communicate with you _so hard_! Dr. Hashirama Senju! I think you are an incredibly fine piece of pecs and ass and I would love _nothing_ more than for you to bend me over the nearest surface for a proper checkup... After dinner on the beach.”

Hashirama stepped back, his brain trying to digest everything Madara had said.

“Wow.” He cleared his throat, cheeks flushing all of a sudden. “So, um... I...”

Madara's face still held his confident smirk but he was pretty much screaming internally. _'Oh God, what have I done? What in the 462+ positions of the Kama Sutra have I done? I fucked this up! I weirded this guy out. Oh fuck, now he's never going to want to date me. Even worse, he won't want to tap this! No one willingly sticks their dick in crazy! Well... Unless they're into that sort of thing... Fuck me, why did I do this?! I'm going to spend the rest of my life alone with my vibrator collection~! Woe is me..!'_

But Hashirama eventually coughed out, “I was... kind of waiting for your recovery, Mr. Uchiha. Besides...” He leaned in close to Madara and whispered something into his ear.

What was it?

Well, whatever it was made Madara's face burn several types of crimson; the lick along the shell of his ear not hurting matters either.

* * *

 

“So, is it me...” Sasuke asked Itachi a month later. They had all gone home with new experiences, new friends to keep in touch with, and newer bouts of confidence in some regards. Although, as Sasuke would bring up, “Or has Uncle Madara pretty much gone MIA?”

Itachi made a few adjustments to payroll before picking up his phone and opening up a text message. He handed Sasuke the phone, Sasuke reading out,

“'Hey Itachi! Listen, I'm going to be heading out to the Bahamas with my new... _business associate_ for a few days. Maybe a week, maybe two. You mind keeping an eye on things for me a bit longer? Sure you don't! You're the best nephew anyone could ask for! Bye!' Oh my God...” Sasuke couldn't help but let a grin split his face. “I wonder how mom and dad are going to respond when you and I come home for New Year's with boyfriends found while working in porn and Madara comes in with his doctor-turned-fuck-buddy and... Hey, where are you going?”

Itachi turned his laptop off after making sure that all emails for the day had been answered and everything tech-wise was working smoothly. He stood to his feet, grabbing his phone. “My work is done for the night. Kakuzu and Hidan have a show, Deidara has a Q and A, and _I_...” He smiled, a coy action that still retained sensuality, “Have a date.”

“Whatever.” Sasuke waved his brother off, “I'll go home with Naruto tonight then. Please try to keep things vanilla this time around, aniki. I'm still finding toys around the apartment.”

“And I'll thank you to put them back where they belong when you find them.” Itachi replied, leaving the room. His collection had been dwindling and he knew for a fact that he was good at bringing things home from Kisame's when he used them with his boyfriend.

* * *

 

The date in question had turned out to be a night in at Kisame's small condo. They had ordered in, watched some God-awful reality TV show...

All in all, it had been nice to simply wind down from a day of work and do something... domestic.

… But of course, there was the matter of what would happen afterwards. And, well, Kisame had... _one_ small request to make.

* * *

 

“I can not believe you managed to find this _thing_!” Itachi grimaced as he sat down in bed, dressed in the very same schoolgirl's uniform from all those months ago.

Kisame turned on his phone's camera, snapping three quick pictures of Itachi before he could bolt like the frightened deer he was. “Well, when I was helping Deidara move into his apartment, he needed to get rid of somethings to make the rest of his clothes fit into his closet. Now, come on...” He reached down to readjust his hardening cock in his boxers so the tent he was pitching wouldn't be too prominent.

“Kisame, _please_..?” Itachi muttered, his face burning as he followed the order regardless: spreading his lily-white legs and giving Kisame a view of the pearl panties underneath. His dick was causing them to pull away from his body obscenely: a wet spot growing on the tip by the second.

“Babe...” Kisame grinned, turning off the camera for a second, “Don't tell me that you're _camera-shy_?”

Itachi groaned again, burying his face into his palms. Kisame couldn't help himself with the teasing, Itachi was too cute. And this side, the deviant who still held some modesty in the oddest concerns, was something that was only shared with _him_.

“Tell me...” Kisame asked, crawling into bed and caging Itachi in with strong arms on either side, “What should I do with you tonight? I know you have more fantasies about me from when I was just an actor on the other side of a webcam.”

Itachi couldn't believe that they had only been together as an item for such a brief time yet Kisame knew him like the back of his hand already. “Yes, I _do_ have more ideas of what we can do together.” He admitted, more confident now that the camera was gone, “But _none_ of them include me in this outfit!”

“Huh.” Kisame nodded, “Guess this must be one of _my_ fantasies then. I mean, you _do_ have the ass for it.”

“You're impossible!” Itachi tried to turn his face away, just for Kisame to gently pull him back towards him: pecking a kiss against his lips before deepening it further. Something about those lips was more decadent and addicting than any drug, and Itachi would gladly fall into their trap as long as he was able.

Their lips and tongues performed the wet, slick carnal dance that only found itself surpassed by the raw, complete union of two lusting, passionate bodies.

They pulled apart, lips tingling, sticky, and sensitive as Kisame playfully licked the corner of Itachi's mouth.

Itachi had to wonder if, in another life, Kisame was part dog or something; the man had an oral fixation the likes of which were unheard of.

He reached a shaky hand up and moved it down the sturdy planes of Kisame's chest, keeping the other man's attention with his deep, smoldering gaze. Long enough for Kisame to choke out in surprise when he felt Itachi's fingers wrap around his dick, gently stroking.

“I think I finally decided on what I want to do tonight. And as soon as you get me out of this _damn_ outfit...”

“Fuck, babe, come _on_!”

“We can move on. What do you say... Mr. Carribbean Blue?”

* * *

 

“So... can I keep the pictures I took?”

“Kisame, I swear to _God_!”

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The main reason why I figured Hidan and Audrey would hit it off, aside from their similar personality quirks, was because of Audrey's story blurb in the HunieCam Studio game: 
> 
> 'Audrey started messing with hard drugs after having her heart broken by her boyfriend two-timing on her with like eight other chicks. Now she needs a way to feed her awesome coke habit.' 
> 
> Because, really, the main theme of this last chapter was 'MISCOMMUNICATION IS A TERRIBLE THING IN RELATIONSHIPS'. 
> 
> But, aside from that, everyone got a mostly happy ending and you guys can expect some awesome porn... After I update Rapacious and upload the first chapter of that new fic. 
> 
> Thank you all so, SO much for sticking with me and my wavering quality this whole time. Here's hoping for your continued support. Grandma loves all of you!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The following is a scene that was removed from this fic because the chapter it would have been in was already getting too long. 
> 
> It also serves as a bit of an apology from me in regards to how the actual fic ended so abruptly in some regards. 
> 
> That being said... Let's go read a threesome.

* * *

 

Humiliation _wasn't_ a kink of his.

It wasn't.

Nope, not at all.

He just _really_ liked stuff that went far beyond your typical curious kinks and explorations.

That was it.

… Perhaps if Hidan kept up that mental chant, he could convince himself that it was true. As it was, he could fell the crawling shivers all over his nude body: nerves alight as he knew that thousands of people were watching him being completely debauched. He inhaled through his nose, the thick cock lodged deep in his throat hindering his breathing and making him deliciously dizzy. The collar around his neck was another thrill adding to the rush of endorphines in his body.

He jerked, the cuffs holding his arms behind him clinking against themselves, as what had been a slight buzzing behind him jumped up several notches.

“Schnee, Schnee...” Kakuzu's voice rumbled from off-screen, the camera-feed switching to a view of Kakuzu spreading Hidan's legs to show the large vibrator that was mercilessly teasing the younger man's hole. “Pay attention to the task at hand, would you?” Kakuzu warned, “After Blue came _all_ this way to visit, the least a little whore like you can do is to make it worth his while.”

Hidan's glare could have melted ice, even with Kisame looking down at him. “Hey now,” Kisame rocked forward, “I know you want to kill him, but _maybe_ wait until I'm done?”

“Is he giving you trouble?” Kakuzu asked, lowering one of his hands to pull the vibrator out long enough to mke Hidan tremble for it. He pressed it back in without ceremony, Hidan lurching away from Kisame's cock; desperate to find enough freedom and breath to tell Kakuzu to stop fucking around and just start _fucking_.

“Aw, Schnee...” Kisame pouted a bit, “You were doing so well, too...”

Hidan's eyes went wide as he heard Kakuzu share in the disappointment. Kakuzu removed himself from behind his veritable prey. His gait was one of a confident predator, even clad in a simple pair of briefs as he was.

“Bad little whores get punished, Schnee.” Kakuzu stated, holding up the remote that went to the collar. Before Hidan could object, Kakuzu pressed the main button: a jolt of electricity lashing through Hidan's body.

“Are you sure its not too much for him?” Kisame asked because, as hot as Hidan's whimpering, twitching form was, he couldn't help but worry.

“He'll be fine.” Kakuzu walked around Hidan's shaking form and stepped behind Kisame. Before Kisame could insist otherwise, Kakuzu turned his head and pulled Kisame into a deep liplock, reaching down to pump at his erection. He opened one eye to peek at Hidan to make sure he was watching and, sure enough, Hidan was glaring up at him.

Jealousy? Yes. Not for a sense of betrayal, but because _Hidan_ wanted to enjoy the full benefits of a threesome. _Not_ to be electrocuted within an inch of his life, as arousing as the sharp bite of the electric current was.

“Sometimes I wonder,” Kakuzu hummed as they broke apart, “What things would be like if we were dating, Blue.”

“I'd imagine...” Kisame panted, Kakuzu still jacking him off, “That you would get off mostly from the outfits you like seeing me in. Fuck, I'm close...”

Kakuzu couldn't help it. Kisame, for as big and imposing as he was, was too fun to torment like this. Maybe that's why he flocked to the role of a Dom? The high that you got from making a proud individual falter to their knees or cry out because of your torturous touches. “But that leather harness looked so good on you when you showed up here. Isn't that right, Schnee?”

Hidan mustered up the strength to hiss, sweat soaking his brow and making strands of his hair stick to his forehead, “I hate _both_ of yo – Agh!!” Kakuzu used his free hand to press the button for the collar again, Hidan screaming as he was shocked once more. When the current subsided, he collapsed onto his chest, his ass still propped up in the air; the vibrator still buzzing inside of him.

* * *

 

“Schnee, come back to me.”

Had he... Had he passed out?

Hidan blinked several times before his vision came back to him. He shuddered, apparently gaining consciousness just in time to feel Kakuzu ease the vibrator out him; the sensation of sudden emptiness not one that Hidan enjoyed in the least.

“Welcome back to the world of the living.” Kisame leaned down and pecked Hidan on the forehead before moving lower and spreading Hidan's legs wide.

“We had a bit of a poll while you were out, Schnee...” Kakuzu said, gently brushing Hidan's hair back. “And our viewers decided that they want to see Blue --”

“No, wai-- FUCK!” Hidan moaned out as he felt Kisame's mouth on his hole, the ring sensitive after so much abuse from the vibrator. “K...” Hidan had to catch himself from mentioning real names, “Mr. Stitch, _please_... Fucking make him sto-o-op!”

Kakuzu shook his head, “We have to provide the service we've been paid for, Schnee. Endure it for me, would you? Actually, no.” Kakuzu reached down to stroke Hidan's cock, “I'm ordering you to.”

“Fuck you, asshole!” Hidan struggled to keep his eyes open. Kisame was too good at this and, even as someone who had been around the rodeo several times, Hidan was struggling not to get overwhelmed.

Kakuzu teasing him _didn't fucking help_!

Kisame pulled away just as Hidan's body clenched up, his release spraying over his stomach: some of it getting in Kisame's hair. “Hidan, come on...” Kisame pouted, “How am I supposed to go out looking like _this_?”

Hidan fell limp against Kakuzu's chest, his own chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath.

* * *

 

The handcuffs lay abandoned on the floor, along with the collar, the room full of the sounds of skin meeting skin and harsh breaths. Hidan was bent over the couch as Kisame fucked him from behind with deep, rocking thrusts and Kakuzu fucked into his throat; his tie still hanging loose around his neck despite the rest of his clothing having been tossed to some random point of the room.

No words. No teasing, tormenting gestures. The main focus now was on expending the sexual tension in the room.

Kakuzu pulled Hidan off of his flesh, watching him choke and gasp for air once his throat was cleared. There was something about a youth's face burning red, stained with tears, saliva dripping from their mouth... It made his blood rush.

Hidan coughed loudly when he was pulled off, sucking in air in painful breaths. He tried to back away, whining when the hand still on the back of his neck held him put. “Is that,” He coughed out, “All you've got, old man?”

“You're still fairly cognizant,” Kakuzu commented, “From someone in your position. Back to work.” Hidan attempted to say something more but he was interrupted by a long, drawn out moan from when Kisame brushed against his prostate on a particularly deep thrust. Kakuzu pulled Hidan's mouth back down, feeling his dick begin to twitch against Hidan's adventurous tongue.

“Can you come again, Schnee?” Kisame panted, feeling himself get close again. He reached around Hidan and found his slick length, stroking it in time with his thrusts. “I think you can, sexy. Come on, for me? For Mr. Stitch?”

For all that he wanted to make these two really work for it, Hidan's body was already too sensitive from everything that had happened tonight. He had been dropping in and out of that deadly addictive headspace and he just wanted these two to hurry up and come already!

Finally, Kakuzu let out a clipped grunt and held Hidan's head as steady as possible as his cock spilled thick ropes of cum down Hidan's throat.

Kisame rocked forward several times more before holding still: pouring himself into Hidan's trembling body.

* * *

The following morning, Kakuzu walked into the Velveteen Garden building to make sure that Itachi had done payroll properly (especially with the high amount of traffic they had for last night's show). He stepped into Itachi's office, the younger man not having it in him to meet his gaze. “So...” Kakuzu smiled, “I take it that you enjoyed last night's show?”

“I wasn't able to watch.” Itachi lied, his face burning up.

Kakuzu chuckled, shaking his head. “I'd say that purple is _definitely_ Kisame's color. That leather harness he was wearing really brought attention to all of his best features.”

“Black.” Itachi corrected as he was typing up an email, “The harness was black.”

Only afterwards did he realize his mistake. And when he looked up at Kakuzu's grinning face, Itachi honestly felt like burying a grave for himself and jumping right in.

“Try to make sure that payroll is done by tonight, Itachi.” Kakuzu advised, turning and leaving the office. He closed the door behind him and counted, “3... 2... 1...”

Itachi's defeated groans were music to his ears as he walked down the hall.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And, with THAT... Unless someone has a kink/prompt request over on tumblr regarding this AU... I am done with 'Camera-Shy'. 
> 
> Mostly because I don't feel like there's anything else I can contribute to it, dears. That being said... To everyone who left kudos and lovely comments, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. 
> 
> I'm not at all done with fics, though: Rapacious is still going strong, I just started a new Pokemon AU fic that I'm really excited for, AND (though this latter one's updates are kind of up to the winds of chance) this fic has a spiritual successor in the form of 'The Matchmaker Calls'. 
> 
> Thank you all for your support. I'm always available on tumblr to talk... And Grandma loves all of you!


End file.
